Category Archives: poetry

Please Mrs Patterson #poem #poetry

I’m feeling a little poetical. This one is based on Allan Ahlberg’s brilliant Please Mrs Butler. Please enjoy… Oh and there’s a random image of Dog and the garden at the end…. Please Mrs Patterson Roger’s an awful little pest; He’s … Continue reading

Posted in dogs, poems, poetry | Tagged , , , , | 29 Comments

Loyalty #poem #poetry

I’m ready when you squint from your pillow And I’ll remain till you give in to sleep For it is my job to be your shadow And never fail to keep hold of your feet. When you’re young you may … Continue reading

Posted in poems, poetry | Tagged , , | 23 Comments

What To Do While Bored: The Poetry Advice Edition

Never pick your nose in public Or roll it in a ball And if you must pee outdoors, Just not against the wall. … Your zits are not for squeezing In any public place And if you have the urge … Continue reading

Posted in humour, miscellany, poems, poetry, thought piece | Tagged , , , | 24 Comments

Nights During Lockdown #terriblepoetry

Chelsea Owens’ terrible poetry contest this week has us rewriting a well known song with the current pandemic as the theme. Thus The Topic is a parody of a popular song on the theme of COVID-19. Yep, I’m asking for … Continue reading

Posted in miscellany, poems, poetry | Tagged , , , , , | 34 Comments

Spring? Yeah Right. #poem #terriblepoetry

I thought I’d try Chelsea’s latest terrible poetry challenge, here. Spring? Yeah, right Spring has finally sprung But like a gorilla on an old mattress It’s barely left the ground Which is frankly disappointing. * This year’s daffodils Have wandered … Continue reading

Posted in miscellany, poems, poetry | Tagged , , , , | 40 Comments

Cabbages Without Kings

I’ve grown to love the cabbage but it wasn’t easy. The Archaeologist, contrarian that he was, eschewed the traditional vegetables favoured by children in favour of Brussel sprouts which have universally turned small mouths into sealed capsules. Me, I looked on … Continue reading

Posted in humour, miscellany, poems, poetry | Tagged , , | 15 Comments

Hoarding…. #limericks

‘It‘s a risk,’ said the serial hoarder, ‘That I may cause civil disorder By buying up Frosties And making you crossties So I’ll probably stick to cornflakes…’ Or To hoard takes three things: there’s pluck And a significant dollop of … Continue reading

Posted in humour, limericks, miscellany, poems, poetry | Tagged , , , , | 16 Comments

A Sonnet For Clarice #carrotranch #shakespeare

Shall I compare you to a Summer’s day? You’d not be flattered but angry and pissed, Sneering at my explanations and insist I’m a retarded male with nothing to say. My compliments are often misconstrued As the feeble patriarchy at … Continue reading

Posted in carrot ranch, miscellany, poems, poetry, sonnets | Tagged , , , , | 22 Comments

A Gem Of A Marriage

A gem of a marriage We married young and liked our funAs do healthy boys and girlsWe stayed quite flirty at year thirtyRomping on a bed of pearls. We didn’t brag cos we were gladTo bounce around like newbiesWe’d kept … Continue reading

Posted in poems, poetry | Tagged , | 36 Comments

Garden February #earlycolour #poetry

Still, despite Storm Caira and a fair old dousing of rain we have many shooting hints of the colour to come. Primulas and primroses, hellebores and budding roses, the signs are all there. Buds and breaking bulbs. Magnolias are nearly … Continue reading

Posted in gardening, gardens, miscellany, poems, poetry | Tagged , , , | 38 Comments