Extraction Reaction #blogbattle

This month’s #blogbattle prompt is


Extraction Reaction

‘What do we have, today?’ Guy Nocollogist, dentist to the stars, pulled on his Dior rubbers and smeared the antiseptic wipe (Bug Death by Chanel) over his palms.

‘Oh you’ll love this one. It’s the HOT 100s hottest hottie, the new leading man from The Junk Punk.’ Di Alog, the much amended hygienist attempted a smile but little moved.

‘Shay K’speer? Oh lovely.’ Guy tried to peer into the waiting room from the treatment centre. ‘Is he wearing a shirt?’

‘No…! And he’s freshly lubricated!’

‘And did he bring his junk?’

‘Oh yes!!! I’m no expert but I’d put a not inconsiderable number of my modifications on him sporting his reductible big end. Just for you.’

Guy staggered slightly. ‘Did you see the episode with Ryder Hard? Drilling the Willing? I almost changed career.’

The two professionals shared a moment, sponged up the residue and read the notes. ‘He’s wants us to extract all his wisdom teeth?’

‘Apparently he credits his success to his lack of wisdom. He thinks if he could double hinge his jaw, it might open some interesting opportunities, though his people having been blowing hot and cold on the idea.’

Guy read the remainder. ‘Maybe we could enhance the extra space. No one wants a void.’

‘Nature abhors a vacuum.’ Di was always prepared with a ready quip.

Guy frowned. ‘Personally I hate the ironing, but each to their own. Why don’t we suggest some interplanetary implants? His fans would defy gravity when he smiled.’ Guy looked at Di. He couldn’t hide his excitement. ‘Say, top left a fully rotating Earth – imagine how the weather might enhance his saliva? Bottom left, a fiery explosive Mars that gives you the heat without the those nasty post-curry consequences. Top right, a diaphanous Venus that emphasises his commitment to feminism. And bottom right a winged Mercury that will receive his fan mail without him having to read it. Can we make the planets to size?’

Di nodded so hard the vibrations created a harmonic that caused one of her breasts to implode. ‘I’ll speak to Art, but I’m sure he’ll be up for it.’

‘Right, get The Man in and we’ll measure him up, remove any lingering evidence of wisdom, set orbits gyrating and fix a date.’

‘I had one other thought?’ Di spoke with the sort of knowing smugness that makes those running quizzes statistically most likely to be the victims of spontaneous violence. ‘I could have a word with Professor Rex Tum.’

‘Proctologist to the great and good? How would Rex help?’ Guy had a feeling this would be good.

‘I read this article about a procedure Rex carried out on him last year, making the sun shine out of his arse. Shay said he thought the effect had limited impact since the intimacy authorities have limited the unaccompanied appearances of his buttocks to five minutes per episode. Maybe we could refocus the brilliance and set his epiglottis glowing. Imagine the dental penumbra…’

Guy slumped to his seat. This was so exciting. Having a career as a dentist involved so much more than being a rapacious bastard.

About TanGental

My name is Geoff Le Pard. Once I was a lawyer; now I am a writer. I've published several books: a four book series following Harry Spittle as he grows from hapless student to hapless partner in a London law firm; four others in different genres; a book of poetry; four anthologies of short fiction; and a memoir of my mother. I have several more in the pipeline. I have been blogging regularly since 2014, on topic as diverse as: poetry based on famous poems; memories from my life; my garden; my dog; a whole variety of short fiction; my attempts at baking and food; travel and the consequent disasters; theatre, film and book reviews; and the occasional thought piece. Mostly it is whatever takes my fancy. I avoid politics, mostly, and religion, always. I don't mean to upset anyone but if I do, well, sorry and I suggest you go elsewhere. These are my thoughts and no one else is to blame. If you want to nab anything I post, please acknowledge where it came from.
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11 Responses to Extraction Reaction #blogbattle

  1. JT Twissel says:

    I don’t think I want to imagine the dental penumbra!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. willowdot21 says:

    Note to self cancel dental appointment!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. aebranson says:

    Another twisty tale, although I didn’t expect Guy to be a dentist. Now Rex Tum as a proctologist was more what I expected. Oh well, as long as you can sink your teeth into the story!

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Pingback: #BlogBattle Stories: Extract | BlogBattle

  5. Chanel antiseptic wipe and a much amended hygienist named Di Alog.
    I just knew this was going to be good.
    I was not disappointed.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Gary says:

    Another witty anecdote with not a single mask masquerading upon the dental fraternity suggesting fully vaccinated perhaps or part of the is the plague still a thing brigade, or is that plaque, staying on topic….

    Or.. Is the above a consequence of wisdom tooth extraction? In which case I would be so bold as you suggest Farage had all hid out at a very early age!

    Liked by 1 person

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