No Eggzagaration #writephoto

Another week, another #writephoto prompt

Colin Dumpty, known as Humpty to his friends for his obsession with the fact his physical attributes made sex impossible, was annoyed. He’d tried everything to put himself in a position where congress would be possible but the solid curvature of his torso meant the geometry proved an obstacle too far. As he confided in his close friend, Patricia ‘Red’ Ridinghood, so called because of her blue hair, ‘I’m only good for a roll in the hay and even then I end up going in circles.’

His friends were so desperate for Colin to break his duck and so allow their conversations to move beyond whatever bizarre and, frankly unfeasible method of consummation Colin had identified that they set up a crowdfunding to raise money for Colin to have surgery.

Colin was touched though his first consultation with the eggsperts left him disappointed.

‘You can go one of two ways, Mr Dumpty. We can restructure your abdomen so it is concave rather than convex though that is likely to leave you structurally unstable. Or we can extend you penis so it is long enough to overcome the current limitations. However we think it unlikely that can be achieved and still permit the necessary pressure that will enable there to be sufficient torsion.’

‘I’ll be Mr Floppy?’


‘Do I have a choice?’

‘Not really. If you’d sign this waiver, we’ll get you on the table and sort you out.’

Colin signed. He wasn’t a risk taker by anyone’s standards. Even sitting on walls terrified him after what happened to his Great Uncle Jerome Dumpty who, despite the myth that surrounded him, hadn’t so much as suffered a hairline crack when he came off the wall, but had been crushed when an overzealous group of trainee army medics had rushed to his aide. This was different. He was in love. Grizelda Ovoid loved him back, but she’d made it plain. She would only countenance a meaningful relationship with Colin if they could start a family and that meant drastic measures.

The eggsperts set to. They weren’t eggsperts without foundation and they achieved what Colin had considered to be a miracle and remodelled him to allow Grizelda to fit where before she’d repelled.

Life was good.


Despite copious consummations and congresses nothing happened. Back to the Eggsperts they went. Why wasn’t anything happening?

After numerous tests, they were sat down and the problem explained. ‘It’s fairly simple biology, Mr and Mrs Dumpty. You have to fertilise an egg.’

They looked at each other. They’d been to school. They’d done this. ‘Yes?’

‘In your case you have two eggs and nothing with which to fertilise them.’

Colin Dumpty goggled the eggspert. ‘You’re telling me I submitted to a dangerous operation that might have led to a total collapse only to find it was never going to matter because we’re both eggs. What was the point?’

The eggsperts stroked their chins. ‘It did stop you moaning.’

About TanGental

My name is Geoff Le Pard. Once I was a lawyer; now I am a writer. I've published several books: a four book series following Harry Spittle as he grows from hapless student to hapless partner in a London law firm; four others in different genres; a book of poetry; four anthologies of short fiction; and a memoir of my mother. I have several more in the pipeline. I have been blogging regularly since 2014, on topic as diverse as: poetry based on famous poems; memories from my life; my garden; my dog; a whole variety of short fiction; my attempts at baking and food; travel and the consequent disasters; theatre, film and book reviews; and the occasional thought piece. Mostly it is whatever takes my fancy. I avoid politics, mostly, and religion, always. I don't mean to upset anyone but if I do, well, sorry and I suggest you go elsewhere. These are my thoughts and no one else is to blame. If you want to nab anything I post, please acknowledge where it came from.
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12 Responses to No Eggzagaration #writephoto

  1. What fun – an egg and spoon story

    Liked by 1 person

  2. If I were to search for a reason to smile on any given day, I would head immediately to your blog! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  3. What else can I say but eggsellent!

    Liked by 1 person

  4. willowdot21 says:

    No mention of Eggweena Curry or Corrie Nation-Chicken asshe prefers to be addressed these days!

    Liked by 1 person

  5. I could have told him that.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. noelleg44 says:

    I can imagine they both found the situation eggsasperating.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. V.M.Sang says:


    Liked by 1 person

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