This week’s #writephoto prompt is
Witch Service Do You Require?
Dorian Pettimoron parked the van and lifted the clipboard from his colleague’s knees. As he checked the schedule he called behind him, ‘Prennie, your knees are fully charged. You want me to pass them back?’
Prendegast Semi-Braine held up an arm and studied it carefully. ‘My humorous is wearing out.’
‘You need some new material.’
‘It’s no joke, Dori.’ He squinted at the left knee; the little green light gleaned brightly in the gloom. He clipped the knee in place and picked up the second. ‘What’s next?’
‘Another disconnection. A Mrs Asgoode is behind with her potions. We’ve to cap off her mains magic until she meets her obligations.’
‘Poor old dear. This cost of spelling crisis is a right nightmare for the elderly.’
‘You don’t know her circs. She’s not necessarily a vulnerable witch. She might equally well be playing tricks.’
‘Isn’t that what witches do?’
‘Her status been verified. Though I’m not busting through an invisibility cloak only to find her lobbing hexes at my privates, so we better be prepared.’
Dorian checked the second page. ‘It says the blue door has untamperable magic stars on it. Touch any and the next thing you know, you’re in orbit.’
‘We could knock?’
‘Bit radical for a bailiff, don’t you think?’
Prendegast sniffed. ‘Does it say where the mains magic enters the house?’
‘The inspectors did a preliminary sweep and found it in the broom cupboard.’
‘Right ho. Well it looks like that’s the door. You grab the hexometer and I’ll…’ he swallowed, ‘knock.’ Dorian approached the quivering portal and rapped hard.
A rumbling noise rolled towards them, before the door fell forward, neatly missing a surprised Dorian.
The woman, cloaked and steaming held out a hand. ‘Sorry about that. The milkman cursed it last week when I didn’t pay my bill and its been unhinged ever since.’ She picked it up with a surprising alacrity.
Dorian nodded his approval. ‘Is that an Egyptian alacrity? What a surprise?’
The woman eyed him suspiciously. ‘Are you charming?’
The bailiff took a step back. ‘Merely precautionary madam. Our job isn’t straightforward.’
‘Why are you here?’
‘We need to cut off your magic supply, I’m afraid.’
The old woman sagged a little. ‘I suppose it’s understandable. I’ve not paid for my sourceries for weeks. Is there an alternative?’
‘Well, there have been a few scandals recently but if you’re willing we could instal something. It can be costly.’
‘Do I have a choice?’
‘Not really. I’ll ask my colleague to grab one from the van.’ Dorian nodded at Prendegast who turned back to the road.
‘So what is this gizmo?’
‘It’s called a spell-checker. Every time you plug in your wand or conjure up an abracadabra it checks to see if your spell is in the approved form and what it’s going to cost you.’
The old woman nodded her approval. ‘That might not be bad idea. I tried to curse my sister as a stupid witch last week, it came out as stupid bitch and she’s been on heat all week. Her husband’s had to buy some air conditioning and wants to charge me…’
Prendegast reappeared. ‘Where shall we put it?’
She pointed behind the door. ‘In the broom cupboard.’
While he fiddled with the installation, she asked Dorian, ‘Will you charge me anything?’
He smiled reassuringly. ‘We’ll brush the cost under the carpet. Now why don’t you show me your alacrity?’
She smiled. ‘This way. And do you want to stroke my familiar while you wait?’
‘Charmed?’
‘Of course it is.’
TanGental 
The spell checker was the icing on the cake.
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Muchly grateful. Thank you.
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That was a stroke of genius and, if you have any left, I’d be only too happy to take a phew off your hands!
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I’m thinking of starting a mail order alacrity business
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Best be quick before the idea gets stolen!
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I’m usually too late to catch up with my ideas; I probably release them into the wild too soon
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The Readers Digest say that if you pepper their tails liberally they will soon develop a homing instinct!
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You are so widely read!
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Not forgetting the white and blue!
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I had some Egyptian alacrity once but Ruby ate it! Does the spell checker take shillings or half crowns?
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Groats and thruppenny bits!
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I have a few thruppenny bits 👌
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somehow I knew I could rely on you
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I shall send them post haste!
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I love the spell checker! Very clever.
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Thank you for that.
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I could use a spell checker for the days when I am casting evil spells on certain people. Luckily not often!
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We all need to rein in our evil spelling and voodoo pinning tendencies as we mature.
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Too true. But we can think them!
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So glad I happened onto your site — I love anything to do with writing & would be thrilled if you’d write a guest blog post for my site! My blog is for anyone who loves writing, books, and all the arts. If you think it might be fun or helpful to have my followers (who total about 10k across my various social media) meet you, here’s the link for general guidelines: https://wp.me/p6OZAy-1eQ
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Sweet of you to ask, but I’m not really into guest posts, thanks. Good luck though
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& you’re sweet to reply 🙂
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You’ve outpunned yourself there! Great work.
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I’ll become my own pun sometime, Jemima!
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Creativity and humor at its best!
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Thank you
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You are welcome.
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‘This way. And do you want to stroke my familiar while you wait?’
Well, if ever there was a way to perfectly end a hilarious, magical story, these last few lines were it. I feel like Sid James and Barbara Windsor could have played these roles perfectly 👌
Thank you so much for a marvellous #Writephoto entry. KL ❤
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That was a touch Carry On, you are very right. Deary me, I’m reverting to childhood!!
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The best 🙂
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