Boating For Boys #writephoto

This week’s #writephoto prompt is

Boating For Boys

These days Little Tittweaking is almost equidistant for each of England’s many coasts. Back when the factious period extinction event (represented by the youreavingalaugh school pinpointing the moment when satire died due to an asteroid striking Florida) bumped up against the start of the anaemic period, Little Tittweaking was surrounded by a body of water that by anyone’s standards needed a better diet and more exercise. The flaccid and flabby Sea of Incongruity eschewed normal tides and sort of splashed half-heartedly against the foreshore. Even storms and cyclones couldn’t raise a ripple and when a visiting Tsunami approached it merely lay flat and let it pass, muttering something about how sea nymphs were becoming a tad too frisky and it’d not end well.

It was rare therefor for any form of sea craft to enter the immobile waters. One might pause and note here that the Sea would have vehemently rejected the epithet ‘stagnant’ had one sought to ascribe that condition to it, when it considered itself to be a role model of pacific water bodies. Indeed the later renaming of the Notveryinteresting Sea as the Pacific Ocean had nothing whatsoever to do with the Sea of Incongruity’s lack of self awareness and more to do with a lack of imagination.

In fact, the only reason anyone knew that Little Tittweaking was historically its own island resulted from an archaeological dig commissioned by the parish council chair Doug Bones. Doug had a premonition one mildewy Wednesday that under his garden there was treasure. He did what all chairs do, beyond those from IKEA that spend their lives pulling themselves together and commissioned an excavation.

And there, nestled beneath the novelty petunias lay an enormous warship still bristling with armaments and howitzers.

Councillor Bones joined the head of the Archaeological team Roman Villas underneath the prow. ‘It’s a biggun,’ opined Roman.

‘What’s it doing here, though?’ Queried Doug.

‘Resting,’ countered Roman.

‘You’ll tell me its a parrot next.’

‘Ho ho ho…’

‘and a bottle of rum? Seriously, can we move beyond this repartee?’

‘It must have floated here.’

‘On what?’

And there the conversation stopped for a moment, while the two men gave full rein to their imaginations. On what, indeed? Where was the liquid that would allow such action? Roman looked at the sharp rusty prow. ‘It’ll be one of them tricks of the light. You get them in deserts. A marriage.’

‘Do you mean a mirage?’

‘Isn’t that what people do when they want someone else to pay for a party they’re hosting?’

‘Maybe. But you don’t get ships in deserts.’

‘Yes, you do. My dad used to smoke them. Camels.’

‘Are we drifting away from what this thing is?’

‘Probably what it did. Drifted. Anyway, you know what this means?’

‘You’re going to tell me, aren’t you?’

‘Course. There must be sand underneath. That’s what comes after the sea. The beach. There’s your treasure.’

‘We seem to have segued from a mirage in the shape of a thirty tonne minesweeper to a significant quantity of sand and how it’ll make me rich. It’s giving me a migraine.’

‘We could always re-bury it, keep it between us.’

‘Is there another option?’

‘Sink it?’

‘I’m going to lie down…’

About TanGental

My name is Geoff Le Pard. Once I was a lawyer; now I am a writer. I've published several books: a four book series following Harry Spittle as he grows from hapless student to hapless partner in a London law firm; four others in different genres; a book of poetry; four anthologies of short fiction; and a memoir of my mother. I have several more in the pipeline. I have been blogging regularly since 2014, on topic as diverse as: poetry based on famous poems; memories from my life; my garden; my dog; a whole variety of short fiction; my attempts at baking and food; travel and the consequent disasters; theatre, film and book reviews; and the occasional thought piece. Mostly it is whatever takes my fancy. I avoid politics, mostly, and religion, always. I don't mean to upset anyone but if I do, well, sorry and I suggest you go elsewhere. These are my thoughts and no one else is to blame. If you want to nab anything I post, please acknowledge where it came from.
This entry was posted in #writephoto, creative writing, flash fiction, humour, little Tittweaking, miscellany and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

35 Responses to Boating For Boys #writephoto

  1. You could, of course destroy ‘er, or carry ‘er away!

    Liked by 3 people

  2. willowdot21 says:

    Curious very curious?

    Liked by 1 person

  3. joylennick says:

    What sphere am I on? Help.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Mick Canning says:

    I once found half a clay pipe in our flower beds – it’s not the same, is it?

    And if we have to lose satire, although I’ll miss it, then it’s a price worth paying.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. noelleg44 says:

    Doug Bones must have done a lot of digging. Was there anything left of his garden?

    Liked by 1 person

  6. joylennick says:

    And what a rich world it is!! (Certainly not in a financial way, but at least we have all the basics…) We are so lucky to have our years: me ninety and ‘he’ ninety-four, along with some wonderful memories of adventures, travel and times, and we’ve only lost a few ‘marbles’ on the journey! Cheers.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. You could declare it a monument to some unpopular event in the past, and the woke will get rid of it for you.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. tootlepedal says:

    Whatever floats your boat.

    Liked by 1 person

  9. V.M.Sang says:

    I love your names. An archaeologist called Doug Bones.! 😂😂😂

    Liked by 1 person

  10. Pingback: #Writephoto Round-Up – Battleship – New2Writing

  11. KL Caley says:

    Oh, how did I miss this Geoff! Now updated.
    Love the names Doug should be a new regular 🙂
    I wonder what the town council would think of their find! Lol.
    Surprisingly, it is amazing how many building sites HATE finding something that results in calling in the archaeologists.
    Thank you again, for a marvellous #writephoto entry. KL ❤

    Liked by 1 person

Comments are closed.