Today’s philosophical musings are on the subject of going cold turkey
When I was young and barely dry
I learnt there was nothing better
Than to keep in contact with my friends
By writing them a letter.
The telephone I didn’t like
When fixed upon the wall
I never had any privacy
As I was heard by one and all.
With the 90s came the mobile phone
Though I never thought it’d stick
Weighing in at half a tonne
Its shape much like a brick.
But I was wrong and things got small
Unlike my growing waist.
I became an early addict
Once I’d got the taste.
I leapt on board, with my own email
I began to have a ball;
Until the day I let off steam
Before I pressed reply all.
Nothing daunted I embraced
The social media hype.
Nothing slowed my enthusiasm
Save the speed at which I type.
At first it was such serious stuff
That made me feel delighted
I found the sod who still owed me
A tenner on Friends Reunited.
Next I daddled with Bebo
Not that it made me happy
Given the lack of coverage
That made the service crappy.
But the genie was truly free
And things moved on a pace.
The phones had shrunk as I gave room
To the beast they called MySpace.
The speed of change was dizzying
As with every breaking dawn
A new ‘next greatest’ thing
Was launched like Devil’s spawn.
And now I know I’ve had enough
I’ve become a quitter
And dumped the man who smells of Musk
And buggered the whole of Twitter.
I’ve turned my face against the book
And pounded Instagram.
I’ve become so ticked with all things Tok
Knowing it’s a sham.
I’ve flushed the You down the Tube
Deleted my WhatsApp
Disinvested in Pinterest
And filled LinkedIn with crap.
All my work is now complete
I’ve nothing left to unfollow.
So why does my so silent phone
Leave my victory feeling hollow?