Not Going Social #poem #poetry

Today’s philosophical musings are on the subject of going cold turkey

When I was young and barely dry

I learnt there was nothing better

Than to keep in contact with my friends

By writing them a letter.

The telephone I didn’t like

When fixed upon the wall

I never had any privacy

As I was heard by one and all.

With the 90s came the mobile phone

Though I never thought it’d stick

Weighing in at half a tonne

Its shape much like a brick.

But I was wrong and things got small

Unlike my growing waist.

I became an early addict

Once I’d got the taste.

I leapt on board, with my own email

I began to have a ball;

Until the day I let off steam

Before I pressed reply all.

Nothing daunted I embraced

The social media hype.

Nothing slowed my enthusiasm

Save the speed at which I type.

At first it was such serious stuff

That made me feel delighted

I found the sod who still owed me

A tenner on Friends Reunited.

Next I daddled with Bebo

Not that it made me happy

Given the lack of coverage

That made the service crappy.

But the genie was truly free

And things moved on a pace.

The phones had shrunk as I gave room

To the beast they called MySpace.

The speed of change was dizzying

As with every breaking dawn

A new ‘next greatest’ thing

Was launched like Devil’s spawn.

And now I know I’ve had enough

I’ve become a quitter

And dumped the man who smells of Musk

And buggered the whole of Twitter.

I’ve turned my face against the book

And pounded Instagram.

I’ve become so ticked with all things Tok

Knowing it’s a sham.

I’ve flushed the You down the Tube

Deleted my WhatsApp

Disinvested in Pinterest

And filled LinkedIn with crap.

All my work is now complete

I’ve nothing left to unfollow.

So why does my so silent phone

Leave my victory feeling hollow?

About TanGental

My name is Geoff Le Pard. Once I was a lawyer; now I am a writer. I've published several books: a four book series following Harry Spittle as he grows from hapless student to hapless partner in a London law firm; four others in different genres; a book of poetry; four anthologies of short fiction; and a memoir of my mother. I have several more in the pipeline. I have been blogging regularly since 2014, on topic as diverse as: poetry based on famous poems; memories from my life; my garden; my dog; a whole variety of short fiction; my attempts at baking and food; travel and the consequent disasters; theatre, film and book reviews; and the occasional thought piece. Mostly it is whatever takes my fancy. I avoid politics, mostly, and religion, always. I don't mean to upset anyone but if I do, well, sorry and I suggest you go elsewhere. These are my thoughts and no one else is to blame. If you want to nab anything I post, please acknowledge where it came from.
This entry was posted in miscellany, philosophy, poems, poetry and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

40 Responses to Not Going Social #poem #poetry

  1. Excuse me, I have a telegram for a Mr Godfrey Le Purd.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Great last couplet

    Liked by 2 people

  3. Ah, it’s a tad like junk food and how it maims our waist.
    Going cold turkey on twinkies and McBurgers may be wise but doesn’t change that we like how they taste. 😁

    Liked by 2 people

    • TanGental says:

      That is sadly true. What are twinkies?

      Like

      • Ah – a culinary item too devoid of value for even England. To our shame, this is a snack cake that is available still today despite the producer going bankrupt many years ago.
        Hostess was the original owner responsible for this outrage and rarely has anything so devoid of nutrition tasted so blasted good.
        https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Twinkie

        Liked by 1 person

      • TanGental says:

        It is an unholy trinity that nil nutrition+seductive taste+easy of availability combo…

        Liked by 1 person

      • Oh – I should have mentioned that as a recovering lawyer yourself, you should know about California’s history in a late 1970s murder case where both a San Francisco mayor and city supervisor were gunned down by a very disturbed man.
        His attorney only mentioned “twinkies” once or twice, but his defense did not claim the defendant had not committed the act, but that a recent diet change (which included lots of these snack cakes) left him in a state of demised capacity and thus he was non-guilty due to “diminished capacity”. It worked and the jury went with it. The citizens were outraged and this type of defense now has a populist name – the Twinkie Defense Instead of being convicted for murder, he was found guilty of ‘voluntary manslaughter’ – which apparently is a split hair less than outright murder.
        He served 5 years for this double homicide of two highly placed political figures.
        The mayor was popular and the Supervisor was gay. The supervisor was promoted to martyr for recognition of the gay life style.
        https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Twinkie_defense
        Be glad you don’t live here. . .

        Like

      • TanGental says:

        that is bonkers but then nothing about your extraordinary land makes sense for more than about five minutes

        Like

      • California is compelled to plead guilty as charged my lord

        Liked by 1 person

      • TanGental says:

        Keeps you in your toes I imagine

        Like

  4. willowdot21 says:

    Oh! The trials of social media I hardly do any apart from wordpress 💜💜

    Liked by 3 people

    • V.M.Sang says:

      I am on Facebook, LinkedIn, Instagram, YouTube, Goodreads and my publisher put me on Pinterest.
      I came off Twitter as it did nothing for me in any way, shape or form, and will soon come off YouTube, too.
      I’m on Goodreads for reviews, both posting mine and reading others, but that’s about the limit of my interaction there.
      LinkedIn, I’m on because my blog posts post there. I get some response from it.
      I barely use Instagram except when I have a cover reveal. I suppose I could come off that, too.
      As to Pinterest, I’ve not been on that for months. Maybe over a year. I don’t really see the point of it.
      I might as well come off all except Facebook and my blog on WordPress, as that’s what I mainly use.

      Liked by 1 person

  5. joylennick says:

    I have been writing a weekly column on reading and writing for a local, Spanish (in English) newspaper for the last seven years, which keeps me busy. As I’m now 90 (a complete mystery…) I’m definitely slower, but it keeps me from rusting. (If I could only find a mainstream publisher for my tenth book: The Dobrowski’s Portrait, before I fall off the perch, I’d be a happy bunny!) I also write posts for WordPress now and then. Good luck with all your writing endeavours Geoff! (https://joylennick.wordpress.com/

    Liked by 1 person

  6. The social part of media ought to be put in quotes. Nothing social about trading 1s and zeros with folks you can’t swear are human. Enjoyed the poem.

    Liked by 2 people

  7. JT Twissel says:

    You’re damned if you do and damned if you don’t I suppose. Cute poem!

    Liked by 1 person

  8. V.M.Sang says:

    I love this one, Geoff. It rings so true.
    I especially like ‘flushed the You down the Tube’

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Gaurav Dixit says:

    Very nicely captured the changes which have happened during the last 15 to 20 years in our lives. The transition from having real life friends to just having the online presence.

    Liked by 1 person

  10. trifflepudling says:

    But it’s much easier now to arrange meet-ups etc now and not be waiting in the wrong place, for example, for hours!
    Enjoyed the pome.

    Liked by 1 person

  11. arlingwoman says:

    What a great history. From the miracle of the new thing to disgust. I remember those old phone bricks and still remember my tiny flip phone fondly…

    Liked by 1 person

  12. Bridgette says:

    First, I love the rhymes here. Brilliant. Second, I fully understand the sentiment behind it. I’ve found many social media sites to be soul-sucking pits of despair…

    Liked by 1 person

  13. tootlepedal says:

    A blog on WordPress is just the place to complain about the glut of social media. I like your finely tuned sense of irony.

    Liked by 1 person

  14. Adele Marie says:

    Darkly wonderful

    Liked by 1 person

  15. Jennie says:

    Well said, Geoff.

    Liked by 1 person

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