Today’s philosophical musings are on the subject of going cold turkey
When I was young and barely dry
I learnt there was nothing better
Than to keep in contact with my friends
By writing them a letter.
The telephone I didn’t like
When fixed upon the wall
I never had any privacy
As I was heard by one and all.
With the 90s came the mobile phone
Though I never thought it’d stick
Weighing in at half a tonne
Its shape much like a brick.
But I was wrong and things got small
Unlike my growing waist.
I became an early addict
Once I’d got the taste.
I leapt on board, with my own email
I began to have a ball;
Until the day I let off steam
Before I pressed reply all.
Nothing daunted I embraced
The social media hype.
Nothing slowed my enthusiasm
Save the speed at which I type.
At first it was such serious stuff
That made me feel delighted
I found the sod who still owed me
A tenner on Friends Reunited.
Next I daddled with Bebo
Not that it made me happy
Given the lack of coverage
That made the service crappy.
But the genie was truly free
And things moved on a pace.
The phones had shrunk as I gave room
To the beast they called MySpace.
The speed of change was dizzying
As with every breaking dawn
A new ‘next greatest’ thing
Was launched like Devil’s spawn.
And now I know I’ve had enough
I’ve become a quitter
And dumped the man who smells of Musk
And buggered the whole of Twitter.
I’ve turned my face against the book
And pounded Instagram.
I’ve become so ticked with all things Tok
Knowing it’s a sham.
I’ve flushed the You down the Tube
Deleted my WhatsApp
Disinvested in Pinterest
And filled LinkedIn with crap.
All my work is now complete
I’ve nothing left to unfollow.
So why does my so silent phone
Leave my victory feeling hollow?
TanGental 
Excuse me, I have a telegram for a Mr Godfrey Le Purd.
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I have never ever had a telegram, even at my wedding… how I missed out.
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Oh, the shame and humiliation!
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Great last couplet
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I shouldn’t be such a bitter old fogey…
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Ah, it’s a tad like junk food and how it maims our waist.
Going cold turkey on twinkies and McBurgers may be wise but doesn’t change that we like how they taste. 😁
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That is sadly true. What are twinkies?
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Ah – a culinary item too devoid of value for even England. To our shame, this is a snack cake that is available still today despite the producer going bankrupt many years ago.
Hostess was the original owner responsible for this outrage and rarely has anything so devoid of nutrition tasted so blasted good.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Twinkie
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It is an unholy trinity that nil nutrition+seductive taste+easy of availability combo…
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Oh – I should have mentioned that as a recovering lawyer yourself, you should know about California’s history in a late 1970s murder case where both a San Francisco mayor and city supervisor were gunned down by a very disturbed man.
His attorney only mentioned “twinkies” once or twice, but his defense did not claim the defendant had not committed the act, but that a recent diet change (which included lots of these snack cakes) left him in a state of demised capacity and thus he was non-guilty due to “diminished capacity”. It worked and the jury went with it. The citizens were outraged and this type of defense now has a populist name – the Twinkie Defense Instead of being convicted for murder, he was found guilty of ‘voluntary manslaughter’ – which apparently is a split hair less than outright murder.
He served 5 years for this double homicide of two highly placed political figures.
The mayor was popular and the Supervisor was gay. The supervisor was promoted to martyr for recognition of the gay life style.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Twinkie_defense
Be glad you don’t live here. . .
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that is bonkers but then nothing about your extraordinary land makes sense for more than about five minutes
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California is compelled to plead guilty as charged my lord
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Keeps you in your toes I imagine
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Oh! The trials of social media I hardly do any apart from wordpress 💜💜
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I am on Facebook, LinkedIn, Instagram, YouTube, Goodreads and my publisher put me on Pinterest.
I came off Twitter as it did nothing for me in any way, shape or form, and will soon come off YouTube, too.
I’m on Goodreads for reviews, both posting mine and reading others, but that’s about the limit of my interaction there.
LinkedIn, I’m on because my blog posts post there. I get some response from it.
I barely use Instagram except when I have a cover reveal. I suppose I could come off that, too.
As to Pinterest, I’ve not been on that for months. Maybe over a year. I don’t really see the point of it.
I might as well come off all except Facebook and my blog on WordPress, as that’s what I mainly use.
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It’s all too much work isn’t it 💜
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Oh sounds like me, except when I come off, I often creep back on for a while only to recall why I came off first (and second and third…) time
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I have been writing a weekly column on reading and writing for a local, Spanish (in English) newspaper for the last seven years, which keeps me busy. As I’m now 90 (a complete mystery…) I’m definitely slower, but it keeps me from rusting. (If I could only find a mainstream publisher for my tenth book: The Dobrowski’s Portrait, before I fall off the perch, I’d be a happy bunny!) I also write posts for WordPress now and then. Good luck with all your writing endeavours Geoff! (https://joylennick.wordpress.com/
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All we can do is keep going, isn’t it? Best of luck with the book.
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The social part of media ought to be put in quotes. Nothing social about trading 1s and zeros with folks you can’t swear are human. Enjoyed the poem.
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It’s very sad that those self same representatives of homo dumbassis are both still breeding and able to vote….
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😁
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You’re damned if you do and damned if you don’t I suppose. Cute poem!
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I guess we should free our inner beaver and then we might avoid all those dams.
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I love this one, Geoff. It rings so true.
I especially like ‘flushed the You down the Tube’
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I realise I missed the opportunity to snap chat in two. Next time.
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Very nicely captured the changes which have happened during the last 15 to 20 years in our lives. The transition from having real life friends to just having the online presence.
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But it’s much easier now to arrange meet-ups etc now and not be waiting in the wrong place, for example, for hours!
Enjoyed the pome.
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There are pluses, no doubt. Just a few too many filling the space
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What a great history. From the miracle of the new thing to disgust. I remember those old phone bricks and still remember my tiny flip phone fondly…
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I liked Motorola
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First, I love the rhymes here. Brilliant. Second, I fully understand the sentiment behind it. I’ve found many social media sites to be soul-sucking pits of despair…
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It is the way they proliferate like acne on an oily teen…
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A blog on WordPress is just the place to complain about the glut of social media. I like your finely tuned sense of irony.
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Ah yes. Irony. My least favourite chore just behind vacuumy and washingthedishesy.
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🙂
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Darkly wonderful
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Well said, Geoff.
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It maybe an old man’s perspective but it does seem to me to be so.
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Mine, too.
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