To be born into royalty is some sort of curse
But marrying the Firm is infinitely worse.
From birth you are told you have to be stoic
But voluntarily joining is really heroic.
No cursing, no crying, the restraint of a saint
While everywhere smells of bleach and fresh paint.
You may avoid all that scrimping and saving
But it takes years of practice to master the waving.
One very important lesson you’ll learn
Is to refrain from farting until it’s your turn.
As a Royal you’ve evolved to wear excess ermine
And stand in the rain for hours, shooting vermin.
You may feel awkward as you pull on your tights
But at least you’ll never have to wait at the lights.
You’ll eventually weary of a life being gazed on
Surrounded by flunkies for every occasion.
And it hurts when you realise, whether Heir or the Spare
That most of the public just don’t really care.
Harry and Megan, William and Kate
Please abdicate now, before it’s too late.
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About TanGental
My name is Geoff Le Pard. Once I was a lawyer; now I am a writer. I've published several books: a four book series following Harry Spittle as he grows from hapless student to hapless partner in a London law firm; four others in different genres; a book of poetry; four anthologies of short fiction; and a memoir of my mother. I have several more in the pipeline.
I have been blogging regularly since 2014, on topic as diverse as: poetry based on famous poems; memories from my life; my garden; my dog; a whole variety of short fiction; my attempts at baking and food; travel and the consequent disasters; theatre, film and book reviews; and the occasional thought piece. Mostly it is whatever takes my fancy.
I avoid politics, mostly, and religion, always. I don't mean to upset anyone but if I do, well, sorry and I suggest you go elsewhere.
These are my thoughts and no one else is to blame. If you want to nab anything I post, please acknowledge where it came from.
TanGental 
They won’t. I wish they would, but they won’t.
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Yes sadly. It’ll just keep on rolling along
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Good advice, sadly, is rarely heeded.
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Indeed. Story of my life
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😢
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That evolved very nicely, Geoff! Oh the trials and troubles of princes and princesses…Do the man in the street and his missus REALLY care what they say or get up to when they can’t afford to keep warm, or some, even to feed their families? I think not.
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But if you’re bored with Eadt Enders and Corrie is implausible there’s always the Royals for a bit of TV filler before bedtime.
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So profound
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And I thought I was congenitally shallow
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I must confess that the depth did surprise me 🙂
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It’s the failure to stop digging that’s gotten me into trouble again
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🤣
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Nuff said!
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I understand it is the job of the Privy Councillor to chase after, and catch, any Royal farts, so that the public can not sell them on ebay.
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I’ve often wondered why I haven’t managed to include a royal bloof in my celebrity wind collection.
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A few were stolen last year. Caused a bit of a stink at the time!
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Ah, tell us how you really feel, Geoff.😘
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And there’s was me thinking I was being subtle…
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😂😂😂
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I have time for Wills and Kate, but H and MM are tiresome with all their whingeing (my opinion Geoff, your poem was good)
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I would like them all to have a life outside the goldfish bowl. It’s a sort of miracle if they manage anything sane tbh.
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That’s the issue though isn’t it. They do live in a goldfish bowl and everyone wants to watch. IMO I think H’s gone too far, but it’s too late now and some of the things are just making him look foolish and petty. …….. but then again IMO, he is.
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Well, he’s certainly generated a flood of opinions!
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He did that!
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Really good poem, Geoff, but don’t agree with the sentiment.
Whoever is advising those two isn’t doing them any favours.
Weird idea of privacy. Infantile, dangerous and self-serving. I used to admire Harry for many things but he’s undone all that with all this self-righteousness and self-pity.
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ps Even if they all abdicated, it wouldn’t end the situation the family finds itself in. If anything, there would be even more acrimony.
The problem is not the royal family so much as how the media treats it.
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They’re symptoms. The problem is they’re born into servitude without a choice. It’s sort of inevitable they’ll be consequences and they’ll play out in public. The media? They feed off it because we all drive slowly past car accidents and gawp
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I don’t like any self flaggilating and this is a particularly unpleasant version. I wish he’d not got sucked in. I’m not sure but I think they’d be better off leaving it all behind.
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He may regret it. Neither of them can leave now and they may end up in a state of what Nancy Mitford called “married blight” … as opposed to “bliss”.
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It’s grim in those castles…
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Absolutely spot on Geoff.
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Well… it’s taken the heat off Andrew for a bit, if nothing else.
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True though I’m not sure he’s capable of keeping his toes away from his tonsils for long.
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Great poem, Geoff. I often thought of it lately. It is a tough job you are constantly in. I am full of respect for those who dedicate their lives to it. As you said, when born into it, it is already hard but you have no other life to compare with. So, slipping into it, maybe a bit naive, can break you. And I understand that Meghan and Harry want to be heard and not be made the ungrateful and unappreciated ones.
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It’s just another episode in our messy soap opera. I’m tending to think an AI version might be best, sort of avatars with crowns.
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Sounds intriguing!
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Yup. Chuck the lot of ’em out.
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I see it more as releasing them early a sort of parole
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Let them out into the community? Unsupervised?
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Yes, though I doubt they need tagging for someone to find them
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I would trade one broken-down royal for Bo Bo anyday
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Yes well do be careful what you wish for…
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I’ve thought it through carefully.
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Of course you did!
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😁
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Oh hear, hear to the last bit! Vive la république! Though I wouldn’t go so far as to chop off their heads.
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Nope I’d like them to survive when they’re finally released back into the wild
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Constitutional question: would they be obliged to abdicate if they fart out of turn?
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That line is based on a genius private eye cover when Anne was engaged to Mark Phillips.
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Hear hear.
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If only it would end
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Hi Geoff, very well done with this poem. Your last two lines say it all.
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Not likely to happen, sad for them
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amazing
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That was a rollicking republican read!
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Thanks for popping over, Nikki. They do get themselves into a tiz, do our Royals. I suspect they’ve spent too long in profile and can no longer look us in the eye.
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