To be born into royalty is some sort of curse

But marrying the Firm is infinitely worse.

From birth you are told you have to be stoic

But voluntarily joining is really heroic.

No cursing, no crying, the restraint of a saint

While everywhere smells of bleach and fresh paint.

You may avoid all that scrimping and saving

But it takes years of practice to master the waving.

One very important lesson you’ll learn

Is to refrain from farting until it’s your turn.

As a Royal you’ve evolved to wear excess ermine

And stand in the rain for hours, shooting vermin.

You may feel awkward as you pull on your tights

But at least you’ll never have to wait at the lights.

You’ll eventually weary of a life being gazed on

Surrounded by flunkies for every occasion.

And it hurts when you realise, whether Heir or the Spare

That most of the public just don’t really care.

Harry and Megan, William and Kate

Please abdicate now, before it’s too late.

About TanGental

My name is Geoff Le Pard. Once I was a lawyer; now I am a writer. I've published several books: a four book series following Harry Spittle as he grows from hapless student to hapless partner in a London law firm; four others in different genres; a book of poetry; four anthologies of short fiction; and a memoir of my mother. I have several more in the pipeline. I have been blogging regularly since 2014, on topic as diverse as: poetry based on famous poems; memories from my life; my garden; my dog; a whole variety of short fiction; my attempts at baking and food; travel and the consequent disasters; theatre, film and book reviews; and the occasional thought piece. Mostly it is whatever takes my fancy. I avoid politics, mostly, and religion, always. I don't mean to upset anyone but if I do, well, sorry and I suggest you go elsewhere. These are my thoughts and no one else is to blame. If you want to nab anything I post, please acknowledge where it came from.
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  1. iamthesunking says:

    They won’t. I wish they would, but they won’t.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Norah says:

    Good advice, sadly, is rarely heeded.

    Liked by 2 people

  3. joylennick says:

    That evolved very nicely, Geoff! Oh the trials and troubles of princes and princesses…Do the man in the street and his missus REALLY care what they say or get up to when they can’t afford to keep warm, or some, even to feed their families? I think not.

    Liked by 2 people

  4. I understand it is the job of the Privy Councillor to chase after, and catch, any Royal farts, so that the public can not sell them on ebay.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Pam Lazos says:

    Ah, tell us how you really feel, Geoff.😘

    Liked by 1 person

  6. I have time for Wills and Kate, but H and MM are tiresome with all their whingeing (my opinion Geoff, your poem was good)

    Liked by 1 person

  7. trifflepudling says:

    Really good poem, Geoff, but don’t agree with the sentiment.
    Whoever is advising those two isn’t doing them any favours.
    Weird idea of privacy. Infantile, dangerous and self-serving. I used to admire Harry for many things but he’s undone all that with all this self-righteousness and self-pity.

    Liked by 1 person

    • ps Even if they all abdicated, it wouldn’t end the situation the family finds itself in. If anything, there would be even more acrimony.
      The problem is not the royal family so much as how the media treats it.

      Liked by 1 person

      • TanGental says:

        They’re symptoms. The problem is they’re born into servitude without a choice. It’s sort of inevitable they’ll be consequences and they’ll play out in public. The media? They feed off it because we all drive slowly past car accidents and gawp

        Liked by 1 person

    • TanGental says:

      I don’t like any self flaggilating and this is a particularly unpleasant version. I wish he’d not got sucked in. I’m not sure but I think they’d be better off leaving it all behind.

      Liked by 1 person

  8. willowdot21 says:

    Absolutely spot on Geoff.

    Liked by 1 person

  9. ThingsHelenLoves says:

    Well… it’s taken the heat off Andrew for a bit, if nothing else.

    Liked by 1 person

  10. Pingback: Pity Poor Charlie? | willowdot21

  11. Erika says:

    Great poem, Geoff. I often thought of it lately. It is a tough job you are constantly in. I am full of respect for those who dedicate their lives to it. As you said, when born into it, it is already hard but you have no other life to compare with. So, slipping into it, maybe a bit naive, can break you. And I understand that Meghan and Harry want to be heard and not be made the ungrateful and unappreciated ones.

    Liked by 1 person

  12. Mick Canning says:

    Yup. Chuck the lot of ’em out.

    Liked by 1 person

  13. I would trade one broken-down royal for Bo Bo anyday

    Liked by 1 person

  14. Oh hear, hear to the last bit! Vive la république! Though I wouldn’t go so far as to chop off their heads.

    Liked by 1 person

  15. George says:

    Constitutional question: would they be obliged to abdicate if they fart out of turn?

    Liked by 1 person

  16. Hi Geoff, very well done with this poem. Your last two lines say it all.

    Liked by 1 person

  17. That was a rollicking republican read!


    • TanGental says:

      Thanks for popping over, Nikki. They do get themselves into a tiz, do our Royals. I suspect they’ve spent too long in profile and can no longer look us in the eye.


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