A review of 2022s resolutions

January 1st Resolve to reduce resolutions to an achievable minimum, given previous failures. Finally conclude best resolution is to get out of bed at the same time everyday, at seven am and fill every unforgiving minute etc etc….

February 1st Go shopping for robust replacement alarm clock that will survive my attempts to disable

March 1st Search internet for glass that will resist the impact of shatterproof alarm clock

April 1st Review internet search for glass that does not repel shatterproof alarm clock straight back at me

May 1st In light of failure to source non repellent glass, investigate protective headwear

June 1st Widen search to include goggles and face mask

July 1st Awake in A&E having stopped breathing over night. Early diagnosis of aggressive sleep apnoea rejected when face mask inspected and discover air holes missing.

August 1st Reject pleas from family to drop resolution on the basis that I will not be defeated by time.

September 1st Inspiration. Move alarm clock to wife’s side of the bed

October 1st Glue alarm so it is fixed for 7 am following a week of failed alarms.

November 1st Glue plug to socket.

December 1st Seal fuse box

January 1st 2023 Get up late. Respond to divorce papers. Resolve not to resolve.

About TanGental

My name is Geoff Le Pard. Once I was a lawyer; now I am a writer. I've published several books: a four book series following Harry Spittle as he grows from hapless student to hapless partner in a London law firm; four others in different genres; a book of poetry; four anthologies of short fiction; and a memoir of my mother. I have several more in the pipeline. I have been blogging regularly since 2014, on topic as diverse as: poetry based on famous poems; memories from my life; my garden; my dog; a whole variety of short fiction; my attempts at baking and food; travel and the consequent disasters; theatre, film and book reviews; and the occasional thought piece. Mostly it is whatever takes my fancy. I avoid politics, mostly, and religion, always. I don't mean to upset anyone but if I do, well, sorry and I suggest you go elsewhere. These are my thoughts and no one else is to blame. If you want to nab anything I post, please acknowledge where it came from.
This entry was posted in humour, miscellany, poems, poetry and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink.

33 Responses to A review of 2022s resolutions

  1. Ritu says:

    Oh those resolutions!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. elegancesicy says:

    Thank you for this Saturday morning giggle 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  3. trifflepudling says:

    With you on the getting up/alarm clock thing, even if fictitious – I guffawed! Am still working on To Do list I wrote at start of pandemic…


  4. Stephen Tanham says:

    Love it, Geoff. ‘All things in moderation, especially moderation’ 😎

    Liked by 1 person

  5. The late Queen’s early morning bagpiper is looking for a new position!

    Liked by 1 person

  6. willowdot21 says:

    Ah! The circle of life!

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Laugh out loud funny, Geoff.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Resolving not to resolve is the best:)

    Liked by 1 person

  9. That sounds like a lot of work, Geoff. I like your conclusion on January 1, 2023. Enjoy sleeping in!


  10. tootlepedal says:

    My daughter gave me a commonplace book in 2000 so that I could record my thoughts and observations in the new millennium. By 2011 it had one entry in it.

    Liked by 1 person

  11. Widdershins says:

    2022 – in a nutshell! 😀

    Liked by 1 person

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