January 1st Resolve to reduce resolutions to an achievable minimum, given previous failures. Finally conclude best resolution is to get out of bed at the same time everyday, at seven am and fill every unforgiving minute etc etc….
February 1st Go shopping for robust replacement alarm clock that will survive my attempts to disable
March 1st Search internet for glass that will resist the impact of shatterproof alarm clock
April 1st Review internet search for glass that does not repel shatterproof alarm clock straight back at me
May 1st In light of failure to source non repellent glass, investigate protective headwear
June 1st Widen search to include goggles and face mask
July 1st Awake in A&E having stopped breathing over night. Early diagnosis of aggressive sleep apnoea rejected when face mask inspected and discover air holes missing.
August 1st Reject pleas from family to drop resolution on the basis that I will not be defeated by time.
September 1st Inspiration. Move alarm clock to wife’s side of the bed
October 1st Glue alarm so it is fixed for 7 am following a week of failed alarms.
November 1st Glue plug to socket.
December 1st Seal fuse box
January 1st 2023 Get up late. Respond to divorce papers. Resolve not to resolve.