Elle Fish, the head trainer for Santa Taught his reindeer to trot and to canter. When asked why she stayed, Being so underpaid Said, ‘They’re dears, with the best line in banter.’
And I submitted this to Chel’s Terrible Poetry comp. Go there. Participate. You know it makes sense, unlike my poetry…
All hope’s gone, all is lost. She loves me, she loves me nost. I gave her flowers. a sort of red. They had thorns, so she bled Out. Now she’s a gost…
My name is Geoff Le Pard. Once I was a lawyer; now I am a writer. I've published several books: a four book series following Harry Spittle as he grows from hapless student to hapless partner in a London law firm; four others in different genres; a book of poetry; four anthologies of short fiction; and a memoir of my mother. I have several more in the pipeline.
I have been blogging regularly since 2014, on topic as diverse as: poetry based on famous poems; memories from my life; my garden; my dog; a whole variety of short fiction; my attempts at baking and food; travel and the consequent disasters; theatre, film and book reviews; and the occasional thought piece. Mostly it is whatever takes my fancy.
I avoid politics, mostly, and religion, always. I don't mean to upset anyone but if I do, well, sorry and I suggest you go elsewhere.
These are my thoughts and no one else is to blame. If you want to nab anything I post, please acknowledge where it came from.
Not sure what it says about winning a terrible poetry contest. There’s part of me that would be grateful to win any kind of poetry competition. What does it say about you being the best at writing awful poetry? Fortunately, the Santa limerick saves your bacon and was very good.
I wrote a piece tonight about Mum’s view of the world through the lens of moderate dementia. We have no idea where she thinks she is at the moment but where she used to accept dad’s explanation about being in their home and the grand piano was there, she now thinks they have two grand pianos one in each location. My kids had to write a poem about looking out their window when they just started high school and I thought it was an excellent topic as it could be literal or figurative. I’ve decided to ask her what’s outside her window to see if I can get some idea of where she thinks she is. I’m quite intrigued by how the struggling brain operates but at this stage she’s more good than bad and I don’t see her often as they’re concerned about catching covid from us. I’m sure that’s making her worse but can’t argue with Dad.
Hope things are going well for you there.
Best wishes,
Ro
My mother in law is strugglign the same way and being isolated – well, apart from us – really did her no favours during covid’s early days. She has better days and days when she just gets frustrated by everything which is hard in Linda and her brother. But it is what it is and we struggle onwards towards no conclusion whatsoever. That apart we’re all well, thanks and bracing ourselves for a horrible cold snap and fuel prices to make you weep.
Geoff I feel for you all with your mother-in-law’s situation. I rang a support line the other day and they spoke very highly about how listening to music can in a sense recharge or revitalise them. She reconnected getting Mum some head phones and playing music. You may recall that my mother is a pianist and that’s still good and the support lady said that was a good thing. The key thing is that they don’t start to wander. That’s makes a nursing home almost inevitable. Is she still living with you? I did some photo books for Mum through Snapfish and then I started exploring some of her stories and ended up lost down a huge family history rabbit warren and forgot what I was supposed to be up to.
In other news, Miss is about to finish her second last year of school and next year she has auditions to take the next step towards a ballet career. There’s talk of New York and Vienna as well as just up the road in Newcastle. I sometimes wonder whether her teacher is feeding her delusions but of course she wouldn’t do that. Meanwhile her cousin will be school Captain of her school next year. Miss isn’t down the conformist acquiescent cohort of her year. Not good at towing the line but at least she’s interesting and she’s picking up rat cunning and street smarts which are also valuable life skills.
I’ve been hearing about your energy prices over there and the terrible suffering which is expected and death. Just awful. I hope that find some solutions. Take care and best wishes,
Ro
Currently MIL is in hospital but was living in sheltered accommodation prior. What’s next is being debated. Sadly she’s never enjoyed any music so that’s not an outlet.
Glad Miss is a rebel. We need them to shake things up. Hope the ballet aspirations come to something.
And we continue to bugger everything up. Feels like the 70s revisited. Now that was a crap decade. We’ll see
Might have to send Miss over to you for understanding and compassion. You’ll enjoy the latest discussion. Miss has been wearing her sports uniform to school rather than the regulation skirt and blouse and the school has decided to have a crack down on the last week of term and issue detentions if the uniform isn’t worn. The girls also has a choice of gaberdine shorts which Miss described as “boys” shorts. Miss has always been inflexible and known her own mind as you’re no doubt well aware. Just to add a bit of fire to the situation, one of her friends was upskirted recently and the image circulated round the boys. The boy was suspended but it doesn’t inspire confidence in wearing a skirt to school. I suggested she wears bike shorts underneath but they get tight across her stomach with her tummy condition. There is a skort. This a shirt crossed with shorts and I might b able to get her to wear that. Otherwise, it’s a medical certificate. BTW I spoke to a friend about it last night and her daughter won’t wear the skirt or shorts either for the same reasons and her school has uniform police on duty out the front to shame offenders. This is at your local public school.
I’m a bit torn about making an issue of it. On one hand, it might do her good to tow the line. On the other hand, she’s already got a lot going on. The uniform issue could be the straw which breaks the camel’s back.
I like her stand. If girls are being upskirted they have every reason to wear something that they feel comfortable with. Upskirting is a criminal offence over here. Is it with you. The boy should be expelled and the girls protected by the school . Go Miss!!
TanGental 
😜😂
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Slow 👏👏👏.
😂😂😂
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You outdid yourself with Santa. But yes, the second one was rotten tomatoes!
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how kind!
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Excellent Santa limerick.
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counterpoint to the terrible one, eh?!
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Erm…maybe.
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Not sure what it says about winning a terrible poetry contest. There’s part of me that would be grateful to win any kind of poetry competition. What does it say about you being the best at writing awful poetry? Fortunately, the Santa limerick saves your bacon and was very good.
I wrote a piece tonight about Mum’s view of the world through the lens of moderate dementia. We have no idea where she thinks she is at the moment but where she used to accept dad’s explanation about being in their home and the grand piano was there, she now thinks they have two grand pianos one in each location. My kids had to write a poem about looking out their window when they just started high school and I thought it was an excellent topic as it could be literal or figurative. I’ve decided to ask her what’s outside her window to see if I can get some idea of where she thinks she is. I’m quite intrigued by how the struggling brain operates but at this stage she’s more good than bad and I don’t see her often as they’re concerned about catching covid from us. I’m sure that’s making her worse but can’t argue with Dad.
Hope things are going well for you there.
Best wishes,
Ro
LikeLiked by 1 person
My mother in law is strugglign the same way and being isolated – well, apart from us – really did her no favours during covid’s early days. She has better days and days when she just gets frustrated by everything which is hard in Linda and her brother. But it is what it is and we struggle onwards towards no conclusion whatsoever. That apart we’re all well, thanks and bracing ourselves for a horrible cold snap and fuel prices to make you weep.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Geoff I feel for you all with your mother-in-law’s situation. I rang a support line the other day and they spoke very highly about how listening to music can in a sense recharge or revitalise them. She reconnected getting Mum some head phones and playing music. You may recall that my mother is a pianist and that’s still good and the support lady said that was a good thing. The key thing is that they don’t start to wander. That’s makes a nursing home almost inevitable. Is she still living with you? I did some photo books for Mum through Snapfish and then I started exploring some of her stories and ended up lost down a huge family history rabbit warren and forgot what I was supposed to be up to.
In other news, Miss is about to finish her second last year of school and next year she has auditions to take the next step towards a ballet career. There’s talk of New York and Vienna as well as just up the road in Newcastle. I sometimes wonder whether her teacher is feeding her delusions but of course she wouldn’t do that. Meanwhile her cousin will be school Captain of her school next year. Miss isn’t down the conformist acquiescent cohort of her year. Not good at towing the line but at least she’s interesting and she’s picking up rat cunning and street smarts which are also valuable life skills.
I’ve been hearing about your energy prices over there and the terrible suffering which is expected and death. Just awful. I hope that find some solutions. Take care and best wishes,
Ro
LikeLiked by 1 person
Currently MIL is in hospital but was living in sheltered accommodation prior. What’s next is being debated. Sadly she’s never enjoyed any music so that’s not an outlet.
Glad Miss is a rebel. We need them to shake things up. Hope the ballet aspirations come to something.
And we continue to bugger everything up. Feels like the 70s revisited. Now that was a crap decade. We’ll see
LikeLiked by 1 person
Might have to send Miss over to you for understanding and compassion. You’ll enjoy the latest discussion. Miss has been wearing her sports uniform to school rather than the regulation skirt and blouse and the school has decided to have a crack down on the last week of term and issue detentions if the uniform isn’t worn. The girls also has a choice of gaberdine shorts which Miss described as “boys” shorts. Miss has always been inflexible and known her own mind as you’re no doubt well aware. Just to add a bit of fire to the situation, one of her friends was upskirted recently and the image circulated round the boys. The boy was suspended but it doesn’t inspire confidence in wearing a skirt to school. I suggested she wears bike shorts underneath but they get tight across her stomach with her tummy condition. There is a skort. This a shirt crossed with shorts and I might b able to get her to wear that. Otherwise, it’s a medical certificate. BTW I spoke to a friend about it last night and her daughter won’t wear the skirt or shorts either for the same reasons and her school has uniform police on duty out the front to shame offenders. This is at your local public school.
I’m a bit torn about making an issue of it. On one hand, it might do her good to tow the line. On the other hand, she’s already got a lot going on. The uniform issue could be the straw which breaks the camel’s back.
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I like her stand. If girls are being upskirted they have every reason to wear something that they feel comfortable with. Upskirting is a criminal offence over here. Is it with you. The boy should be expelled and the girls protected by the school . Go Miss!!
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McGonagall weeps.
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My hero.. swoon!
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Well, a winner is a winner no matter what!
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Take the positives then?
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The Santa is a good one; Chel’s is a truly terrible winner
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My highest aspiration so far
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Congratulations on your award, Geoff.
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Thanks. I don’t aim high!
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