Presenting A Front #writephoto

This week’s prompt is

Presenting A Front

Little Tittweaking likes to see itself as an open minded and welcoming town. During the Wars of Religion, as Protestant and Catholic creeds took every opportunity to poke fun at the other, Little Tittweaking gave safe harbour to the one sect that straddled the two faiths, the Bouncing Nuns of St Hilda whose devotions were enhanced by their ability to leap several metres while debating the merits of transubstantiation during meal breaks. History might have forgotten these worthy women had it not been for the creation of an early Interfaith Basketball league. The nuns, despite being below average height outperformed all comers. It was only as a result of the removal of the ‘holy’ sourdough from the menu that led to their resigning the league.

Recently, the debate around the local trans community has become especially heated and caused that self-serving self-image to slip somewhat. Transylvanian vampires have been resident in the Copse of Bucharest for one hundred and forty years. Their home derives its name from the Corpse of Bucharest which the displaced Romanian vampires brought with them to sustain them on their journey. The sensitive Victorians, however felt this too graphic and on one especially sunny day removed the ‘r’ and buried the remains. Since then the Corpse/Copse has formed the site of Little Tittweaking’s overspill cemetery famous for its sinister aspect and blood oaks.

This trans community has been happy to supplement its sanguination needs by draining random tourists, the bloody-minded Yorkshire folks being an especial delicacy and a growing mail order business. At the same time, it has self funded its bat boxes via Halloween extravaganzas and high value contract killings. Generally trans and non trans have rubbed along fine with those of a non-vampiric inclination wearing high grade chain mail chokers, just in case.

However, since the popularity of televisual vampires, a number of youngsters have been self-identifying as Transylvanian, wearing fake fangs and imbibing unclotting blackcurrant substitutes. Camps of noisy teens have grown amongst the graves and their day-raves disturbed the sleep of the truly vampiric.

Demands for safe spaces have soared. These would allow those born vampiric and who have been through the conversion procedures that involve the decapitation of innocents to live their undead existences free from interference by some blonde vigilante, wielding a set of perfect abs, a neat bob and a sharpened wooden stake.

Initially the local council were reluctant to intervene, arguing that everyone should live and let live (or have their throats ripped out, and stay undead, depending on their preferences) until the senior vampire pointed out that if they withdrew their fangs in protest, not only would the money made around Halloween drop significantly but there would be nothing to limit the influx of knowall bores from Peebles and Pontefract.

A compromise is currently under discussion.

About TanGental

My name is Geoff Le Pard. Once I was a lawyer; now I am a writer. I've published several books: a four book series following Harry Spittle as he grows from hapless student to hapless partner in a London law firm; four others in different genres; a book of poetry; four anthologies of short fiction; and a memoir of my mother. I have several more in the pipeline. I have been blogging regularly since 2014, on topic as diverse as: poetry based on famous poems; memories from my life; my garden; my dog; a whole variety of short fiction; my attempts at baking and food; travel and the consequent disasters; theatre, film and book reviews; and the occasional thought piece. Mostly it is whatever takes my fancy. I avoid politics, mostly, and religion, always. I don't mean to upset anyone but if I do, well, sorry and I suggest you go elsewhere. These are my thoughts and no one else is to blame. If you want to nab anything I post, please acknowledge where it came from.
This entry was posted in #writephoto, creative writing, flash fiction, humour, little Tittweaking, miscellany and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

32 Responses to Presenting A Front #writephoto

  1. A suitably batty romp

    Liked by 1 person

  2. What a treat, you haven’t missed a trick here. I was lucky enough to get a stake in this venture in the very early days!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. willowdot21 says:

    Know-all bored love that …..I hope Littletitteeaking can keep this under cotrol there’s only two chancellor’s to Halloween 🎃

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Thanks for this Halloween romp, Geoff. Big hugs.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Wonder what those bouncing nuns had in their sourdough bread – I could use some of it!

    Liked by 2 people

  6. I think a compromise would be a good thing.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. tootlepedal says:

    There are no boring know-alls in Peebles. The very thought!

    Liked by 1 person

  8. JT Twissel says:

    Terror in Tittweaking!

    Liked by 1 person

  9. So, this is harder for us on the west side of the pond but now I think I understand that the bouncing nuns with buns were ultimately saved by the metrosexual trans vampires who found their inner enterprise.
    Tittweaking is one strange demographic

    Liked by 1 person

  10. Bridgette says:

    You always delight me with your stories and this was no exception. Quite enjoyable!

    Liked by 1 person

  11. Pingback: #Writephoto Round-Up – A Gargoyle at the Cemetery – New2Writing

  12. KL Caley says:

    Gosh – this one will keep the council busy! Brilliant as always, Geoff. Glad the bloody-minded Yorkshire folks are useful for something. I use mine as chief spider catcher this time of year. Lol. KL ❤

    Liked by 1 person

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