I was accused the other day of ‘still being a lawyer’ even though my official retirement from that career was umpteen years ago. I gave it some thought and realised the evidence is plain. Here are 15 reasons why you can take the boy out of the law but never the law out of the boy.
- I find I still say ‘whence’ and ‘hitherto’ and ‘wherefor’ when talking to my family
- I cannot avoid defining things as in ‘When you say you’ll be late, what do you mean exactly?’
- If I buy something that has a set of terms and conditions I look at them from a distance, sigh and mumble ‘I’m sure they’ll be fine’.
- Then I make someone else sign the contract
- When I write a shopping list it has a list of exclusions on the back
- I insist on things being in writing: so if there’s chocolate in the fridge with no name on it, I think it’s fair to claim squatters rights since it obviously doesn’t belong to anyone.
- I can bullshit for longer and with greater fluency than all my friends save those who are also lawyers.
- I enjoy dressing up in gowns; wigs not so much.
- In any family discussion I am inclined to say, ‘But you said on the 27th March….’ and have a contemporaneous note of the conversation in my journal.
- I am happy using expressions like ‘contemporaneous note’ and don’t feel a dick when I do.
- I keep a note of how long things take to do though my attempts to introduce time sheets into our daily routine have thus far floundered.
- I am aghast when, having cited a clearly binding Authority, the precedent is ignored: as in ‘but I always watch the rugby/cricket/football/golf on Saturdays’.
- I feel more comfortable if I’m allowed to include a simple errors, omissions and indemnity clause on the back of wedding presents, birthday cards and invites to dinner parties. It’s like checking the tyre pressures before a long journey.
- Like well trained members of the judiciary, I have the ability to sleep while appearing to be awake.
- I can be utterly convincing on all subjects (save incest and Morris Dancing) even though I know absolutely nothing about them.
I expect everyone will laugh at this; after all most people do these things anyway, don’t they? I mean, I’m not that odd.
TanGental 
Would you swear to that, Geoffrey le Pard? x
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On whatever tome you prefer Ms Lennick. Perhaps, being very incorrect I should follow the lead of the hero in Neil Simpson’s wonderfully surreal comedy the One Way Pendulum and swear on Uncle Tom’s Cabin…
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This did make me laugh, Geoff. It explains a lot…
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Oh idea, I was genetically modified very young
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So that is how it’s done
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That and a daily cauliflower emetic…
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It’s in you… or it has always been, which is why you chose that profession… lol
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Did I chose it or it me? Hmm, such early philosophising…
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Right, a lot to ponder…
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Please define ODD and THAT ODD.
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One Doesn’t Debate such things…
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Haha! It’s big of you too admit to all this.
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As a member of lawyers anonymous… My name is Geoff and it’s eight years since I last lawyered…
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Lol! My husband has a law degree but didn’t practice law, instead he joined the government service.
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If it please M’lud do you also wear stiletto heels when gowned and bewigged? Please remember you are under oath!
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Court shoes, old boy…
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Of course, how silly of me!
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This all sounds perfectly reasonable to me. I also find that my years of legislative drafting (including exposure to the EU versions) tend to influence things like my notes to the milkman (Whereas you [insert name of tradesman] have agreed to supply milk to [insert my details] etc, etc.). And when dealing with permissions/authority given to the school for daughters’ school trips etc. I always amended them heavily before signing. Entirely natural.
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You always understood me… though it is terrifying to think back on the pretentiousness i displayed… maybe I still do…
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Perish the thought…..
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I think all of these are completely reasonable. You should hear my writing group snigger when I parse a scientific experiment in anything I read (esp the Covid data): how many are in the sample and is the sample balanced? What’s the control? No, you can’t normalize. What outside factors need to be considered? You can’t remove the scientist from the scientist, either!
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It is fascinating how you can apply those techniques to your writing…
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Hadn’t thought about that, but it was drummed into my by my over 100 publications as a scientist.
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😂😂😂 My family often chide me for asking so many questions and often say “stopped acting like a lawyer” as if it were even possible to separate the two things, my personality and my law degree. I often retort “which came first, the lawyer or the inquisitor?” And then they just walk away shaking their heads in exasperation.🙄
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We are so misunderstood as a breed. And where would they be without us? Well, better off and happy, but that’s not the point…
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😂😂😂They wouldn’t have so much to think 🤔 about.
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Okay – so, as a conservative American who enjoys the distinctions and oddities of British jurisprudence, I did laugh at many of your items. But, in the interest of full disclosure and, um credibility – you need to post a photo of you wearing one of those wigs. It is a statement of respect for the office and commands the respect of all who look to the wearer for an exercise of justice.
I’d bet you look downright dapper in one and I’ll stop laughing eventually. . .
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Happily there is no evidence existing nor will any ever be found of me in one of those wigs
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Aww.
Come on Geoff.
You know – yes and I know that you know, that with the correct grin beneath that wig, maybe a tad ruffled of one side to suggest a recent breaking with expected decorum, such a photo would make a great book cover. . .
Go on now.
Tell me how you’re not tempted. . .
Your fans are waiting. . .
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Oh stop it!
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Love this, His Geoffleship! And I think you will never be able to take the Teacher out of me either!
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Totally normal.
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Naturally you’d understand
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😊
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I was a process analyst and I always have to stop myself from saying “there’s probably a more efficient way …”
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I’m glad we are all products of our professional training
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The husband is extremely at ease with the contemporaneous note. Like you he’s very good at speaking blockese. 😉
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Those wiry wigs are awful. Even Colin Firth couldn’t make the look work!
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Not likely to be incorporated into any novel fashion
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It definitely works in other professions too. I will always be a librarian. Not enough in life is classified and indexed. Yes, Tesco has moved the cereal again and how am I meant to find it?
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Oh don’t. The tinned tomatoes migrated to cheese biscuits recently and I was bereft
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Unacceptable!
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I find it hard to cast off a school teacherly manner.
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Do you have a blackboard
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No just a bossy manner and a tendency to offer unwanted advice.
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🤣 I especially enjoyed squatter’s rights on desirable items in the refrigerator.
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Always welcome if chocolate is also in residence
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I obviously missed my calling…
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Naturally dull!?
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Judging by the people nodding off around me, I’d say so…
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I definitely laughed!
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Cruel woman! It is my burden!
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Hahaha! Now I’m laughing harder!
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Heh, ‘gift of the gab’, I’ve heard it called. 😀
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I certainly gabbled a lot during my legal career
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