Every year I collected together the pieces of short fiction I’ve written into an anthology. The current set I’m working on is from 2019 and it can be a challenge. The most difficult bit, as the writers amongst you may concur is finding an example which really isn’t up to the mark. Then you have the challenge of trying to improve it or, if it’s incapable of remedy, binning it.
This short piece is a case in point. It’s not long and I’ve trimmed it and changed it. I wonder what you think? Worthy of inclusion?
Little Helpers
‘I hate this time of year, you know.’
‘I’m not listening, Elvis.’
‘I don’t ask to get picked, Ernie, but I always am.’
‘It’s a privilege, you know. Errol’s never had a turn.’
‘He can take my place, any time.’
‘Don’t be silly. The Missus chooses. You know that.’
‘Yeah, but why is it always the same people? You know it’s true. Eric, Elrond, Edward…’
‘It’s because we’re good at what we do. And those lads love it. Look, they’re nearly running.’
‘Yeah well. I’d be happier if they left me in jigsaws. I’ve found my niche in jigsaws.’
‘Don’t you get bored, cutting up the same pictures year after year?’
‘Nope. The patterns are always different. Do you know there are two hundred and seventy one million permutations?’
‘You are as boring as everyone says.’
‘Thanks. Maybe if I was more chummy I wouldn’t get this de-icing gig.’
‘You know it’s not that. It’s them.’
‘My hands?’
‘Of course your hands. There’s no one else with hands like yours. The Missus says you were sent by a divine gift when you appeared with those hands.’
‘Ernie, can I ask you a question? It’s a bit personal.’
‘Go on.’
‘I’ve been thinking. It’s just because of something Ethelbert said, after last year’s Freeze. Something about why the fellas don’t treat me like they do the others.’
‘You don’t want to believe what he says. You know he’s been in toy trains too long, don’t you? Keeps losing track.’
‘Yes well, it’s just it made a bit of sense, see. Do you think the boys hold it against me, what I do with my hands?’
‘Do?’
‘Where they go?’
‘They know someone has to, erm, do what you do.’
‘Yes sure but until I came a long it wasn’t the same each year. It was shared around, yes?’
‘True. Everyone got a turn.’
‘And it’s not like people were crying out for that turn was it.’
‘Well, no, it wasn’t exactly a privilege, but given your gifts, we could all see it was your destiny.’
‘I really don’t want to do it, this year. Maybe I could do his ears and…’
‘Noooo. No, that’s not the attitude. You’re so good. If any of the rest of us tried it would take weeks. You can knock them out in a couple of days.’
‘But still, it’s not exactly how one wasn’t to be remembered, is it? It’s one thing to be part of a special elite chosen by Missus Claus to go and de-thaw Santa, ready for the Christmas delivery; it’s a bit different to be known as the hot-handed elf who each year melts Santa’s balls.’
‘You can hardly leave them frozen, can you? It’d be like having a pair of maracas, clickety-clacking every time the sleigh hits a bit of turbulence. If that didn’t wake up all the kiddies I don’t know what would.’
‘I suppose…’
‘Come on, cheer up. The sooner you get his gonads glowing the sooner you can get back to those puzzles.’
TanGental 
It keeps us guessing right to the end. “Maybe I could do his ears” is a good touch which doesn’t give it away.
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Thank you. Feed is v useful
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I think it’s a keeper, Geoff. It got a smile. There is one typo though – towards the end. ‘It’s not exactly how one wasn’t to be remembered’. I think it should be ‘wants to be remembered’. 🙂
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Ah ha. Thank you. Yes lots of deep dive editing still needed
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🙂
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And I always thought that was Rudolphs job😜
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No opposable thumbs makes it difficult to grip
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Ah! I see 😁
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And I always thought that was Rudolphs job😜 yup definitely one to keep .
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I’m in, and so should this be!
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Perfect thanks
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I’m not so sure. Was it meant to keep us guessing until the end? When I saw the title and the name Elvis, I knew it was Christmas-themed and was either about Elves or reindeer. If you wanted to keep readers guessing what was happening, where it was based, etc, some big-head spoilers (like me) would guess. If that’s not what you intended, then it’s a delightful short piece of fiction.
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I guess all I wanted to hide was what his job was so, as long as I hid his jewels job done
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😂 very good 👏
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Enjoyed it, Geoff.
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Marvellous!
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Hi GEoff, this is right up there with your best cheeky work. I think it was the defrosting bit you were keeping as a surprise and not the Christmas and elf theme as per Hugh’s comment.
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Well done. Exactly so and thanks for the feedback
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I like it and it made me smile.
I picked up a small typo here
‘Yes sure but until I came a long it wasn’t the same each year………
think that should be ‘along’
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Thanks Di. All Eagle eyes welcome
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Hope you include it. As a aside, did a review here on Spirit Captures for you. Enjoyed it very much.
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Oh how did I miss that. Do you have a link? You are a total star
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Here you go
https://pensitivity101.wordpress.com/2022/05/05/book-review-the-art-of-spirit-capture/
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That’s fabulous. Thank you. Can’t believe I missed this! For some reason I can’t say thank you on the post itself. Another WP mystery I can’t untangle!
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My comments close after 30 days (I was getting a lot of spam and someone suggested doing that, which has helped a lot)
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Ah ha. You’re so prolific Di that its tricky keeping up with Maya let alone the rest of you!
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Bless you. Always glad to see a comment Geoff.
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I’m not sure. It’s a good little piece but despite being about Christmas, it doesn’t feel Christmassy, although maybe that’s because the sun’s blazing down out of a cloudless sky!
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It’s not really meant to be Christmassy in any sort of schmaltzy sense. I doubt cupping Santa’s balls is going to pass the censors
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Big smiles here!
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Didn’t guess it was the ‘nads’ until we got there. Well done! 😀 … I like that it was purely dialogue too. 🙂
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The nads! I’ve not heard that expression since I told my aunt about an unfortunate accident involving a tea pot and a kitchen drawer when she sympathised with my nads!
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I’ve heard it a few times lately. Perhaps it’s having a revival. 🙂
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