Lifting The Lid On Cartoon Injuries #blogbattle

Each month there is a #blogbattle prompt. This month it’s Scar. I came up with this (don’t judge)

Jerome Pabulum considered his life. That done and no conclusions having been reached, he pushed open the door and entered Ink In A Blink. The bell jangled twice, anxiously and then swallowed the third jangle as Jerome gave it a jaundiced side eye.

A strange hirsute figure unfolded itself from behind a counter. Something akin to a smile emerged from the curly ginger hair. ‘Can one assist you, in your inking requisites?’

Jerome had stalled just inside the door as the proprietor revealed himself, but now re-engaged first gear and slid forward. ‘Are you the Artiste formerly known as Reg?’

‘Indeed where once I was Reg, I am now the Artiste who formerly went by that nomenclature.’

‘And now?’

‘I still answer to Reg. Or Oi you, Womble face.’

‘I am in need of the Artiste.’

‘I’m your troll.’

‘A troll? That would explain the follicular fecundity.’

‘You what?’

‘The hair.’

‘Oh right. So…’

‘You have a reputation for being the best tattooist in the high street.’

‘I ink in a blink!’

‘I’m in no rush.’

‘I can ink at whatever pace makes you comfortable.’

‘I tend to perambulate.’

‘A pacifist?’

‘Just slow.’

Reg the Troll lifted his counter and ushered Jerome into the studio. He offered him a choice of seats and slippers.

Jerome chose a green velour wingback and diamanté kitten heel combo and settled down. He studied the instrument tray and the stack of design books.

Reg the Troll’s pelt rippled like an aerated curtain. ‘Does sir have a particular design in mind?’

‘It’s the Rt. Hon. The Sir will follow my pater’s demise.’

‘Sorry?’

‘When my dad snuffs it. It’s an hereditary knighthood.’

‘Is that a thing? I thought it was peerages that ran on.’

‘I think that’s rather titleist if you don’t mind me saying. Having been daubed by an HRH the family see no reason why we who follow shouldn’t inherit his gong.’

‘What did he receive his honour for?’

‘Services to insemination.’

‘Should I ask for more details?’

‘Are you left handed?’

‘No, I tend to avoid sugary breakfasts.’

‘Then don’t ask.’

‘Of course. Your tattoo, Rt. Hon.?’

Jerome leant forward and rolled up the left leg on his trousers.

Reg the Troll hinged forward and studied the bared flesh. ‘Something of a Scar problem, I see.’

‘You can tell?’

‘We offer a recovering service to anyone mauled in a cartoon. We’ve had Baloo tears and rips from that chappie off Monsters Inc.’

‘Scully?’

‘Not on an empty stomach, thank you. A rip from his Royal Scarship is not uncommon.’

‘And CGI?’

‘A fifty percent discount if the lamination on your pixels has discombobulated.’

‘Very fair. I was hoping for something uplifting and musical that appeals to both adults and children.’

‘Perhaps I might suggest a full bodied Shrek with the fruity notes of Madagascar and a tincture of Up.’

Jerome considered his lacerated calf. ‘I’m not good with heights.’

‘Of course. The Rt. Hon. might prefer a cheeky Bambi-Frozen blend. Would you like it gift wrapped?’

‘No, I’ll wear it immediately.’

‘Naturally. While I prepare the needles would you like a coffee? Or a cryogenic coma?’

‘Maybe you could top up my antifreeze and check my tyres. Your bell jangled at me earlier. I wondered if it had sensed the depth of my tread.’

‘I’m sorry about that. It’s set to jingle but occasionally it can forget its manners.’

Jerome nodded. ‘I’m all yours Master Troll. Do you mind if I strum my zither while you work?’

‘As long as you stay within the plastic sheeting and avoid all condiments for twenty-four hours. Now where did I put my peccadildoes? ’

About TanGental

My name is Geoff Le Pard. Once I was a lawyer; now I am a writer. I've published several books: a four book series following Harry Spittle as he grows from hapless student to hapless partner in a London law firm; four others in different genres; a book of poetry; four anthologies of short fiction; and a memoir of my mother. I have several more in the pipeline. I have been blogging regularly since 2014, on topic as diverse as: poetry based on famous poems; memories from my life; my garden; my dog; a whole variety of short fiction; my attempts at baking and food; travel and the consequent disasters; theatre, film and book reviews; and the occasional thought piece. Mostly it is whatever takes my fancy. I avoid politics, mostly, and religion, always. I don't mean to upset anyone but if I do, well, sorry and I suggest you go elsewhere. These are my thoughts and no one else is to blame. If you want to nab anything I post, please acknowledge where it came from.
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26 Responses to Lifting The Lid On Cartoon Injuries #blogbattle

  1. I have judged despite your pleadings. I’ve called for a dominatrix to attend the establishment, I feel the situation needs one!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Jaw-dropping good Geoff. (Excuse my drool.)

    Liked by 1 person

  3. noelleg44 says:

    This left me agog!

    Liked by 1 person

  4. JT Twissel says:

    Holy Disney Discompooperades!

    Liked by 1 person

  5. willowdot21 says:

    You made me laugh even though I did not want too😊

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Gary says:

    Bravo Geoff… personally the jingling entry would benefit from strategically placed blue tac…or spent chewing gum. Although the latter might migrate and find a school desk, so stick with the former….

    A needle baring Troll though is quite a thought… does he pull the blinds out during daylight lest the sun condemns him to stone mid thread?

    And did I detect a deliberate poke at the peerage system perchance?

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Pingback: #BlogBattle Stories: Scar | BlogBattle

  8. Impressive and clever quick-fire cross-talk set in an absorbing off-kilter world.
    This has me thinking back to the glory days of vaudeville and Spike Milligan.

    Liked by 1 person

  9. aebranson says:

    Twisted and amusing as always – although this time you thrilled me with the word Discombobulated. Dreadfully underused. Of course your word choice often falls within the realm of Incredibles.

    Liked by 1 person

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