A King-sized Cleaning Bill

‘Hello, are you…?’ Jemima Preston took a step back. ‘Are you…?’

The bald, smiling man nodded, ‘William. You were expecting me?’

‘Not exactly.’ Jemima felt her knees flex and she stumbled forward. As he caught her, she apologised.

‘No sweat. Happens all the time. Involuntary curtsy. Can’t be helped. They say it’s hardwired. So,’ he picked up the bucket, ‘where so I start?’


‘You’re expecting a cleaner?’


‘Then shall we?’

‘But you’re, you know,’ she glanced at her neighbour’s window, ‘royal.’ She added with a giggle, glancing at his head. ‘The heir.’

‘I wish I could agree. Kate wanted me to use this Gubbins Dad makes as a follicle restorative from peonies and ground commoners but smells like Harry after a kebab binge. Anyhoo, what’s first?’

Jemima didn’t know what to do so showed him through to the kitchen. ‘Maybe the washing up?’

William looked disappointed. ‘No blocked drains? Kiddies’ vomit?’ He looked serious. ‘Thing is granny’s getting a bit cranky… you know the sort of thing: “in my day we understood what the peeps were going through, the Blitz, blah blah”, so Katie-poos said we should all do a sort of Bob a Job thingummy, get down with the masses. One is a bit lacking when it comes to u-bends and boiling hankies. If there’s something really horrible, let me at it.’ He held up his pink-gloved hands.

‘I don’t know. It really doesn’t seem right, giving menial work to one of you.’

‘No, really.’

‘You sure?’


‘Ok. If you go through there, you’ll find four sets of sick-stained sheets and two boots covered in dog-dirt.’

‘Marvellous.’ To Jemima’s surprise, William spun on his heel and headed for the front door.

She said, ‘Aren’t you going to sort it out?’

He nodded. ‘I’ll have my people here in a jiffy.’

About TanGental

My name is Geoff Le Pard. Once I was a lawyer; now I am a writer. I've published several books: a four book series following Harry Spittle as he grows from hapless student to hapless partner in a London law firm; four others in different genres; a book of poetry; four anthologies of short fiction; and a memoir of my mother. I have several more in the pipeline. I have been blogging regularly since 2014, on topic as diverse as: poetry based on famous poems; memories from my life; my garden; my dog; a whole variety of short fiction; my attempts at baking and food; travel and the consequent disasters; theatre, film and book reviews; and the occasional thought piece. Mostly it is whatever takes my fancy. I avoid politics, mostly, and religion, always. I don't mean to upset anyone but if I do, well, sorry and I suggest you go elsewhere. These are my thoughts and no one else is to blame. If you want to nab anything I post, please acknowledge where it came from.
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25 Responses to A King-sized Cleaning Bill

  1. This is surely blasphemy

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Sadje says:

    That’s royalty for you. Haha

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Norah says:

    I wish I had my people to call on in such situations. 😅

    Liked by 1 person

  4. willowdot21 says:

    Typical 💜💜💜🤞

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Chel Owens says:

    I’ve read this before, haven’t I?

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Love this. Is it a reblog Geoff? It seems familiar.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. noelleg44 says:

    Ah, royalty. I actually believe William might stoop to cleaning, but Harry and Megan? Not in a lifetime for those two spoiled idiots.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Love the title, as I’m sure does William!

    Liked by 1 person

  9. JT Twissel says:

    I believe we call that “passing the buck” over here!

    Liked by 1 person

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