This week’s Carrot Ranch’s #99wordstories prompt is
February 28, 2022, prompt: In 99 words (no more, no less), write about the farm life. Where is the farm and who are the farmers? What are they farming and why? How is the farm life? Go where the prompt leads!
Ohm Farm: an obituary
Iodine Roentgen, owner of Little Tittweaking’s nature-free farm died yesterday after accidentally ingesting an isotope. His name will remain synonymous with his herds of self-replicating beef carcasses and of self-supporting udders producing a base lactate that only require minerals, fibre and flavouring to be fit for human consumption; and his crops that, through the constant application of chemicals, pesticides and a total no fly zone for all pollinators produce grains of uniform size, appropriate colouration and an unfortunate lack of nutrition. He will be buried in lead to prevent an further radioactive contamination. No flowers please.
Back in the 1970s my dad, an inveterate reader of the Daily Torygraph used to love a columnist called Peter Simple, whose characters were delightful satirisms of the then great and not so good. One such was, I recall, Seth Roentgen and I have shamelessly purloined his idea for my piece. In so doing I looked up the entry in Wiki to Peter Simple and found a list of characters, here. Subliminally it seems Little Tittweaking’s cast is a homage to those wonderfully named and described people. I owe a debt of gratitude to Peter Simple’s creator, Michael Wharton who died in 2006. Thank you Michael.