Ohm Farm’s Sad Loss #LittleTittweaking #99wordstories

Posted on Mar 2, 2022 by TanGental

This week’s Carrot Ranch’s #99wordstories prompt is

February 28, 2022, prompt: In 99 words (no more, no less), write about the farm life. Where is the farm and who are the farmers? What are they farming and why? How is the farm life? Go where the prompt leads!

Ohm Farm: an obituary

Iodine Roentgen, owner of Little Tittweaking’s nature-free farm died yesterday after accidentally ingesting an isotope. His name will remain synonymous with his herds of self-replicating beef carcasses and of self-supporting udders producing a base lactate that only require minerals, fibre and flavouring to be fit for human consumption; and his crops that, through the constant application of chemicals, pesticides and a total no fly zone for all pollinators produce grains of uniform size, appropriate colouration and an unfortunate lack of nutrition. He will be buried in lead to prevent an further radioactive contamination. No flowers please.

Back in the 1970s my dad, an inveterate reader of the Daily Torygraph used to love a columnist called Peter Simple, whose characters were delightful satirisms of the then great and not so good. One such was, I recall, Seth Roentgen and I have shamelessly purloined his idea for my piece. In so doing I looked up the entry in Wiki to Peter Simple and found a list of characters, here. Subliminally it seems Little Tittweaking’s cast is a homage to those wonderfully named and described people. I owe a debt of gratitude to Peter Simple’s creator, Michael Wharton who died in 2006. Thank you Michael.

About TanGental

My name is Geoff Le Pard. Once I was a lawyer; now I am a writer. I've published several books: a four book series following Harry Spittle as he grows from hapless student to hapless partner in a London law firm; four others in different genres; a book of poetry; four anthologies of short fiction; and a memoir of my mother. I have several more in the pipeline. I have been blogging regularly since 2014, on topic as diverse as: poetry based on famous poems; memories from my life; my garden; my dog; a whole variety of short fiction; my attempts at baking and food; travel and the consequent disasters; theatre, film and book reviews; and the occasional thought piece. Mostly it is whatever takes my fancy. I avoid politics, mostly, and religion, always. I don't mean to upset anyone but if I do, well, sorry and I suggest you go elsewhere. These are my thoughts and no one else is to blame. If you want to nab anything I post, please acknowledge where it came from.
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19 Responses to Ohm Farm’s Sad Loss #LittleTittweaking #99wordstories

  1. Norah says:
    Mar 2, 2022 at 10:21 am

    This story seems almost prophetic. We’re on our way.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Peter's pondering says:
    Mar 2, 2022 at 12:06 pm

    Are you absolutely certain that you were not under Peter Simple’s tutelage?

    Liked by 1 person

  3. George says:
    Mar 2, 2022 at 12:54 pm

    I’ve often wondered what rich seams of inspiration behind your colourful cast of characters. I love the nature-free farm producing food of uniform size and an “unfortunate lack of nutrition”

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Pam Lazos says:
    Mar 2, 2022 at 2:52 pm

    We’ll we have fake news so we may as well have fake food. Oh wait … we already do.🥴

    Liked by 1 person

  5. noelleg44 says:
    Mar 2, 2022 at 4:28 pm

    More great names. We had a professor of radiology in the med school who used to do a puppet show about the real Roentgen each year for the med students. It was a howl!

    Liked by 2 people

  6. L.K. Latham says:
    Mar 2, 2022 at 6:07 pm

    Better farming through chemicals. hahahahaha

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Erika says:
    Mar 2, 2022 at 7:25 pm

    Oh, he deserves a huge bouquet of no flowers.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. willowdot21 says:
    Mar 5, 2022 at 11:52 am

    Dear Mr Lepard
    Great story, still giggling ! The anecdote about your dad raised a huge laugh with me though…..I was, as I had before when reading an earlier version on Pearl Barley, going to complain about the ridiculous names…..which, by the way my sister thinks are brilliant! Breath now!
    But as I remember Peter Simple too how can I berate you when you site such a worthy, or is that wordy example as he.
    Yours Eunice Stubbedtoe of Ealing!

    Liked by 1 person

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