Limericks #limericks #poetry #poems

Some you may have seen before, some I’ve published elsewhere, some are new. See which is your fav…

When Percival Troon ate a curry

His bowels turned good food to slurry

With indecent haste

He began to lay waste

To Hampshire and large parts of Surrey

*

Last night, to the sound of a groan

We knew footie wasn’t on its way home

We’ll just have to wait

By the Praetorian Gate

As the cup spends its next years in Rome

*

For years, I could never find work

As my wink made everything jerk

But the prescribed medication

Has, to my consternation

Changed the wink to a continuous twerk.

*

Betty does not give a fig;

Our love, she says, is far too big.

But how will I teach her

About my alopecia

If I cannot unstick my wig?

*

As parents we parrot the mantra

‘Be good or you’ll miss out on Santa’.

But we know we’ll regret

Making good on our threat

If we morph from angel to gangsta.

*

Annually we solemnly resolve
Our past crimes to try and absolve
Yet we suffer conniptions
When our plans become fictions
And all hopes of success dissolve

*

Prince Charles, on a visit to Wales

Was persuaded to visit the sales

He bought some new suits,

A pair of dragon-hide boots.

And matching top hat and tails.

*

I really must get off my chest

The terror that follows ‘be our guest’

In my wardrobe, I stare

Wondering what I should wear:

The diamanté or the sequined string vest?

*

The naturist Basil Buxted
Brewed beer, in the nude, in his shed.
On his famed open days
He received special praise
For the taste of the ginormous head.

*

When young, it’s not done to keep score
And if you tell how it went, you’re a bore.
But with each passing year
You’re just grateful to hear
Something nearer a moan than a snore.

About TanGental

My name is Geoff Le Pard. Once I was a lawyer; now I am a writer. I've published several books: a four book series following Harry Spittle as he grows from hapless student to hapless partner in a London law firm; four others in different genres; a book of poetry; four anthologies of short fiction; and a memoir of my mother. I have several more in the pipeline. I have been blogging regularly since 2014, on topic as diverse as: poetry based on famous poems; memories from my life; my garden; my dog; a whole variety of short fiction; my attempts at baking and food; travel and the consequent disasters; theatre, film and book reviews; and the occasional thought piece. Mostly it is whatever takes my fancy. I avoid politics, mostly, and religion, always. I don't mean to upset anyone but if I do, well, sorry and I suggest you go elsewhere. These are my thoughts and no one else is to blame. If you want to nab anything I post, please acknowledge where it came from.
This entry was posted in limericks, poems, poetry and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink.

32 Responses to Limericks #limericks #poetry #poems

  1. Ritu says:

    All brilliant, His Geoffleship!
    I do love a good limerick!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. joylennick says:

    Tee hee. You were inoculated with the same needle as my husband, Geoff.
    “I have a good friend called Theresa
    who shut her old man in the freezer…
    By playing the field,
    he got himself killed,
    and he’s now with the sprouts and the pizza.

    (Eric)
    .

    Liked by 3 people

    • TanGental says:

      Love it. I blame my dad..
      “Nose pickings,” said Mrs Mcgraw
      “Have practical uses galore.”
      “By rolling and folding
      And carefully moulding,
      You can make condoms, cheap, for the poor.”

      Like

  3. M. L. Kappa says:

    The last one, of course! Duh

    Liked by 1 person

  4. noelleg44 says:

    You’re the master of limericks, Geoff!

    Liked by 1 person

  5. I may never be able to use my jar of curry again without smirking but you may well have ruined my ability to ever enjoy certain beers again. . .

    Liked by 2 people

  6. Well done, Geoff.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. JT Twissel says:

    You are the master of the limerick!

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Chel Owens says:

    Oh dear. Brush up the meter, you Geoff you, and they’re perfect. …maybe you need to publish a book of limericks next, or a chapter?

    Liked by 1 person

  9. I do enjoy a good limerick, Geoff.

    Liked by 1 person

  10. Elizabeth says:

    I loved the last one the best. I wonder how old one has to be to truly identify with that one!

    Liked by 1 person

  11. Widdershins says:

    Hmm … the sequined string vest, I think … although the last one is a very close second. 😀

    Liked by 1 person

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