Some you may have seen before, some I’ve published elsewhere, some are new. See which is your fav…
When Percival Troon ate a curry
His bowels turned good food to slurry
With indecent haste
He began to lay waste
To Hampshire and large parts of Surrey
*
Last night, to the sound of a groan
We knew footie wasn’t on its way home
We’ll just have to wait
By the Praetorian Gate
As the cup spends its next years in Rome
*
For years, I could never find work
As my wink made everything jerk
But the prescribed medication
Has, to my consternation
Changed the wink to a continuous twerk.
*
Betty does not give a fig;
Our love, she says, is far too big.
But how will I teach her
About my alopecia
If I cannot unstick my wig?
*
As parents we parrot the mantra
‘Be good or you’ll miss out on Santa’.
But we know we’ll regret
Making good on our threat
If we morph from angel to gangsta.
*
Annually we solemnly resolve
Our past crimes to try and absolve
Yet we suffer conniptions
When our plans become fictions
And all hopes of success dissolve
*
Prince Charles, on a visit to Wales
Was persuaded to visit the sales
He bought some new suits,
A pair of dragon-hide boots.
And matching top hat and tails.
*
I really must get off my chest
The terror that follows ‘be our guest’
In my wardrobe, I stare
Wondering what I should wear:
The diamanté or the sequined string vest?
*
The naturist Basil Buxted
Brewed beer, in the nude, in his shed.
On his famed open days
He received special praise
For the taste of the ginormous head.
*
When young, it’s not done to keep score
And if you tell how it went, you’re a bore.
But with each passing year
You’re just grateful to hear
Something nearer a moan than a snore.
TanGental 
All brilliant, His Geoffleship!
I do love a good limerick!
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And I love penning them
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There’s just something about the way they roll, isn’t there?
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Yes there’s a specific rhythm that sometimes you only get if you read them out loud.
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Precisely. I do love a limerick!
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Me too!
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Tee hee. You were inoculated with the same needle as my husband, Geoff.
“I have a good friend called Theresa
who shut her old man in the freezer…
By playing the field,
he got himself killed,
and he’s now with the sprouts and the pizza.
(Eric)
.
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Love it. I blame my dad..
“Nose pickings,” said Mrs Mcgraw
“Have practical uses galore.”
“By rolling and folding
And carefully moulding,
You can make condoms, cheap, for the poor.”
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The last one, of course! Duh
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Natch…
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You’re the master of limericks, Geoff!
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You are v generous
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I may never be able to use my jar of curry again without smirking but you may well have ruined my ability to ever enjoy certain beers again. . .
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All sadly true
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Superb!
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Thanks Peter
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Well done, Geoff.
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You are the master of the limerick!
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That is very flattering…
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Oh dear. Brush up the meter, you Geoff you, and they’re perfect. …maybe you need to publish a book of limericks next, or a chapter?
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You’re right about the meter. Oddly I chiselled out a few very poor examples but since I posted I’ve found two others. They’re oddly tricky! I’ve no doubt you’ve spotted the errors in my sonnet too!
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😀 nah. Anyway, I don’t read entries till I pick a winner.
Did you get your present yet?
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Nope but the post has been heavily criticised here. With omicron over Christmas there were so many staff shortages that were still receiving Xmas cards that come from a few miles away! I’m v excited!
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I do enjoy a good limerick, Geoff.
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Splendid. I enjoy penning them!
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I loved the last one the best. I wonder how old one has to be to truly identify with that one!
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Good question. Not sure.
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Hmm … the sequined string vest, I think … although the last one is a very close second. 😀
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Why am I not surprised that a gay Canadian likes a sequinned string vest?!!
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Oh come now, everyone knows that lesbians prefer flannel shirts and sensible shoes! 😀
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You clearly don’t know south London Lesbians…
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Bwhahahahaha … true! 😀
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