Magical Merger #blogbattle

This month’s #blogbattle is ‘Merge’ somehow it prompted this nonsense….

‘Can I bring this meeting to order, please?’ Arthur Moment, Lord Chamberlain of Fairyland tapped his monocle on his crystal goblet. It had no effect what so ever.

‘Shut up, you indolent riff raff!!’ Anne D’Otherthing, Metropolitan Master of The Magic Kingdom barely looked up from the fat parchment in front of her. ‘Himself wants the floor.’ She flicked a glance at Arthur which he did his best to acknowledge without sneering.

Why, he pondered, did she have to be so… so present? He had spent years as a duplicitous and deceitful diplomat, devising dastardly and dubiously diabolical…

‘Stop that. Yes, you. The Scribe. I know you’re alliterating again, aren’t you?’

‘Sorry.’

‘Just write it down as it is. No ifs, no buts, no embellishments.’

‘None?’

The crusty old politician checked on his neighbour who was now giving one of her many minions an undeserved bollicking and whispered, ‘Only if I say.’

‘Should I write that down?’

‘Where did you learn to Scribe?’

‘The Magic University.’

He sighed deeply. ‘And they told you to write the truth?’

‘Yes, of…’

‘But,’ a twinkle dazzled the Scribe who lost his nib in the confusion, ‘did they say whose truth you were to write?’

‘I…’

‘Exactly. So while this story is from my point of view, it’s my truth, capiche? Or you’ll be regrouting the gingerbread pointing on that biscuit bungalow this winter. Do you know what frosted icing does to your fingertips?’

The Scribe accepted the truth, his truth of this statement.

‘Where were you? Ah yes, my successful career keeping Fairyland relevant amongst the magical realms. Carry on.’

‘This isn’t some sort of hagiography… sir.’

‘I’m aware of that. Just make me sound…’

‘Competent?’

‘Successful.’

The Scribe paused. ‘The thing is, if you were truly successful, wondrous personage, would you be merging your government with theirs?’ The Scribe indicating the Master, who was now chewing out a private Secretary. Rather literally, given the blood and residual body parts.

The Lord Chamberlain pulled his ebony robes of office away from the arterial fountain. ‘Is she a wolf, under that cloak?’

The Scribe dropped his gaze. ‘There are rumours. She has this cottage in the Woods where she curates a collection of multicoloured riding cloths, which she lends out for parties. It’s said she sometimes likes to barter the cost. It’s not cheap.’

‘An arm and a leg?’

‘That’s the basic opening bid. Everyone says that while you always know where you stand with her, be careful where you sit.’

‘Really?’ Arthur hurriedly stood, which had the effect of drawing the gaze of the assembled dignitaries to him. He scanned the faces for support but everyone looked less than happy. ‘Friends. Former rivals. Bitter enemies.’ He looked at the Master. ‘Did I miss anyone?’

‘The completely irrelevant?’

‘Did we let them in?’

‘You should know. They were once your government.’

The Lord Chamberlain fixed a smile. ‘And now they are part of yours.’

‘Really?’ The Master stood and the hushed multitudes became more hushed. She held up the parchment. ‘Following your failure to modernise your magic and the consequent bankruptcy of your government we in the Magical Kingdom welcome you to become part of our family.’ She smiled and several highly sensitive light forms dissipated in a twinkle and pfzzt. ‘Yes?’

A tentative hand had shot up. ‘What type of society will we be? We heard you ruled with iron magic.’

She looked across it Arthur. ‘What kind did you have?’

‘It was a democracy with spells.’

‘How did that work?

‘Most of the time it was a democracy but there were spells when it wasn’t.’

Anne D’Otherthing lifted the Lord Chamberlain’s limp hand. ‘Then we’ll use that.’

‘Really?’

‘Of course. You’ll barely notice we’re here.’ She turned to the crowds. ‘Welcome to Fairyland 2.0…’

Arthur gave a discrete cough.

‘…featuring the Magic Kingdom. Now why don’t you run along and issue some stamps or write a proclamation? Something useful, while we do some governing. Use the Scribe. He mostly tells the truth.’

The Lord Chamberlain glanced at the Scribe. ‘Mostly?’

The Scribe hinged at the waist and began to back out of the room, dragging his portable secretaire after him: she didn’t seem especially pleased. ‘Mostly your truth, your magnificence.’

About TanGental

My name is Geoff Le Pard. Once I was a lawyer; now I am a writer. I've published several books: a four book series following Harry Spittle as he grows from hapless student to hapless partner in a London law firm; four others in different genres; a book of poetry; four anthologies of short fiction; and a memoir of my mother. I have several more in the pipeline. I have been blogging regularly since 2014, on topic as diverse as: poetry based on famous poems; memories from my life; my garden; my dog; a whole variety of short fiction; my attempts at baking and food; travel and the consequent disasters; theatre, film and book reviews; and the occasional thought piece. Mostly it is whatever takes my fancy. I avoid politics, mostly, and religion, always. I don't mean to upset anyone but if I do, well, sorry and I suggest you go elsewhere. These are my thoughts and no one else is to blame. If you want to nab anything I post, please acknowledge where it came from.
This entry was posted in #blogbattle, creative writing, Fairytales, fantasy, humour, miscellany and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

25 Responses to Magical Merger #blogbattle

  1. L.K. Latham says:

    I can see it all: You must compete this story. Too much fun.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Great fun, Geoff.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. That was a fun read, Geoff. 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

  4. Possibly passable penmanship and perfectly prolific puerility!

    Liked by 4 people

  5. arlingwoman says:

    Somehow the scribe made me think of Sean Spicer…

    Liked by 3 people

  6. I like the grouting on the gingerbread best

    Liked by 2 people

  7. aebranson says:

    This is probably one of your more twisted tales. I particularly like the part about whose truth the scribe should record, and the sight of the word ‘relevant’ was kind of like not being able to look away from a horrible accident. The bizarre shifting of POV seemed to fit right in for this kind of story. Fun read!

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Pingback: #BlogBattle Stories: Merge | BlogBattle

Leave a Reply to TanGental Cancel reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.