A Short History Of Climate Change Conferences #history

‘Where’s dad?’

‘Watching the clouds.’

‘It’s verging on paranoia, you know.’

‘I know that but try telling him. The Big Guy says this, the Big Guy says that. You know what he’s like when he’s had one of those apocalyptical tablets. Sits by the letter box waiting for the post to update him.’

‘Has he said what the Big Guy was danging on about this time?’

‘Nope, only it’s about the weather and we’ll need a bigger boat. Oh and Ham’s been sent to talk to the chap who runs the circus to see if he can source two lions, two tigers and a couple of mandolins.’

‘Mandolins? Aren’t they musical instruments?’

‘You tell me. If they are, they probably haven’t been invented yet.’

‘Do you think we should be having a chat with the doc? I mean we haven’t seen the Big Guy’s tablet and the old boy has been acting kinda weird…’

‘I’ll talk to him. You better keep on building the boat.’

*

‘Dad, what’s up?’

‘Nothing I just thought…’

‘You worried about the rain?’

‘I… how did you know?’

‘Spoke to mum. She showed me the tablet. Said you’d been engaged in a lengthy dialogue with the Big Guy. He’s pissed, she said.’

‘He’s off the scale furious. Great grandpa Adam should never have had free will, Great grandma Eve shouldn’t have gone vegan and fixated on getting her five a day from that tree. He’s been talking about selling His shares to a Consortium of minor deities from near Betelgeuse.’

‘If He’s so disappointed in us, then maybe He should take his money…’

‘Ham, they are asteroid strippers. They’d strip the planet bare. Actually that’s part of the Big Guy’s complaint. We’ve not curated our planet as He’s taught us.’

‘What did He teach us? I don’t remember curation lessons.’

‘That’s what I told Him, but He said there was a course on environmental management only none of us turned up. Seems we were inventing football.’

‘Well, be fair. Who’s going to sit through hours on glacial maintenance when the Lads are playing those charlatans from Gomorrah?’

‘Yeah, He had a few choice adverbs about them as well.’

‘So His good idea is to switch on the rain and not stop until we’re underwater.’

‘Looks like it.’

‘What’s with the boat Shem’s making? And the animals?’

‘I tried to talk Him round, see but the best He’d allow is to let us build a boat, couple up all the animals, birds, insects…’

‘Spiders?’

‘Especially spiders…’

‘Mum won’t be happy.’

‘I know. I said but He told me I needed to talk her round.’

‘Better you than me. We get to sail off on this boat then? After He’s left the taps running for your standard forty days and nights. That Guy knows how to ruin the summer holidays.’

‘I’ve been trying to talk Him round, Ham. But He’s stubborn. I even suggested we might set up a conference, get representatives from all over to come and promise how they were going to treat His creation properly going forward. He didn’t buy into it at all.’

‘What did He say?’

‘He said that He’s given us enough chances to correct our behaviour but we’ve just ignored Him, so He’s going to flood the whole cat and caboodle.’

‘Just like that? No discussion, no chance to promise to clean up our acts?’

‘Nope, He’s done being patient.’

‘And because He doesn’t believe in second chances, we have to COP it?’

‘That’s about the size of it. For now it’s the boat and a load of two by twos for us while everyone else COPs it.’

‘We might sink…’

‘He understands. He sort of indicated that, if we do the boat and it works, He might allow some chat in future but He expects results.’

‘And if our sons and sons of sons, and sons of sons of sons fail they’ll COP it too?’

‘He said so. I told Him it would all work out and there’d be no need for a future where anyone else need to COP it, but He said He thought there’d be lots. Something about fossil fuels.’

‘Fossils? What are fossils?’

‘Apparently He forgot to mention them to the Scribe. He said if He gets the time He’ll include a line in the second edition of Genesis but He’s not worried because no one will find where He’s hidden them.’

‘You know, Dad, but sometimes for an Omnipotent God He can be a bit trusting.’

‘True son, that’s why we need the boat.’

‘And meanwhile all the rest COP it.’

‘He did say He’d get the Scribe to write it all down. About the boat and the flood and pairs of animals.’

‘And the COP?’

‘Oh yes. Everyone needs to know when the first COP happened. By the time they get to 26, they’ll have all forgotten.’

‘26? That many?’

‘If we survive that long…’

About TanGental

My name is Geoff Le Pard. Once I was a lawyer; now I am a writer. I've published several books: a four book series following Harry Spittle as he grows from hapless student to hapless partner in a London law firm; four others in different genres; a book of poetry; four anthologies of short fiction; and a memoir of my mother. I have several more in the pipeline. I have been blogging regularly since 2014, on topic as diverse as: poetry based on famous poems; memories from my life; my garden; my dog; a whole variety of short fiction; my attempts at baking and food; travel and the consequent disasters; theatre, film and book reviews; and the occasional thought piece. Mostly it is whatever takes my fancy. I avoid politics, mostly, and religion, always. I don't mean to upset anyone but if I do, well, sorry and I suggest you go elsewhere. These are my thoughts and no one else is to blame. If you want to nab anything I post, please acknowledge where it came from.
This entry was posted in cats, history, humour, miscellany and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink.

20 Responses to A Short History Of Climate Change Conferences #history

  1. A wonderful summary, of whats going on these days. Noah’s ark will only be filled with vegetables and fruits.;-) Thank you, Geoff! Have a nice week! xx Michael

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Since the UK is chairing we will probably have the wrong type of rain!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. willowdot21 says:

    Agree with Peter💜

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Good one, Geoff. Well done. I’m not very hopeful.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. JT Twissel says:

    Hahaha! In case you didn’t hear, on Saturday night it began to rain here in Northern California and it rained and rained and rained until Monday night. We were on the verge of needing an Ark!

    Like

  6. Fun with a profound message

    Like

  7. V.M.Sang says:

    One of your best, Geoff. Reblogged on Dragons Rule OK.

    Like

  8. Pingback: A Short History Of Climate Change Conferences #history | Dragons Rule OK. V.M.Sang (author)

  9. fgsjr2015 says:

    I believe there’s a potentially serious problem that, for whatever reason, goes basically unmentioned by the mainstream media: that of theologically-inclined people who get into high office with their dangerous disregard — or even contempt — for the natural environment.
    A good example is Brazilian president Jair Bolsonaro, an Evangelical Christian, who theocratically declared two summers ago, in the midst of unprecedented Amazonian rainforest wildfire (home to a third of all known terrestrial plant, animal and insect species), that his presidency (and, I presume, all of the environmental damage he inflicts while in high office) was “fulfilling a mission from God”. What matters most to Bolsonaro is the creation of jobs, however limited or temporary, and economic stimulation, however intangible the concept when compared to the grand-scale, consequential environmental destruction.

    There’s a general belief held by Bible-following Christianity, that to defend the natural environment, even from the world’s greatest polluters, is to go against God’s will and therefore is inherently evil. Some among them may even credit the bone-dry-vegetation areas uncontrollably burning, along with global warming, to some divine wrath upon collective humankind’s sinfulness.

    Closer to home, many of Canada’s leading conservative politicians, not to mention our previous prime minister (i.e. Stephen Harper, close friend to Postmedia’s then-CEO Paul Godfrey), are/were ideologically aligned with the pro-fossil-fuel mainstream American Evangelical community and Republican Party. They generally share the belief that to defend the natural environment from the planet’s greatest polluters, notably big fossil fuel, is to go against God’s will and therefore is inherently evil. (Might this in particular include Greta?) Some among them may even credit the bone-dry-vegetation areas uncontrollably burning, along with global warming, to some divine wrath upon collective humankind’s ‘sinfulness’.

    P.S. I don’t blame Christ-ianity for this, not in the least. I cannot at all see Jesus condoning or being silent about the big fossil fuel business nor the immense environmental and human-health damage it causes. Rather, it’s the money-minded theocrats who misinterpret or plainly misrepresent themselves as being Christian that are the problem. Jesus must be spinning in heaven knowing what atrocities have been connected with the faith.

    Like

    • TanGental says:

      I’m sure this is a fascinating topicand your thinking no doubt warrants a good debate, but my post is a silly little fiction and I’m not into debating these points here, thanks.

      Liked by 1 person

If you would like to reply please do so here

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.