Part two…

The previous hex called on by the denizens of Broadstairs involved the eradication of certain antisocial types, mostly those who avoided the tennis club and drank instant coffee. It was a significant cull, put down by the authorities to an unannounced sewage outflow and a mussel speed eating festival. In fact it was engineered by Madame Alphonse, the mystic, tarot reader and fulfilled of wishes for a fee.

Madame Alphonse, aka Eileen Pentangle had begun her life in the spiritualist world as a humble if reasonably skilled charlatan. She toured small market towns and seaside resorts, setting up her stall wherever she could and turning a small, corrupt and largely tax free profit for thirty-seven years. Until one day, one of her competitors, a far more successful if nervous practitioner called Madame Foresight, aka Mildred Drool dropped in. She brought good and bad news: she was likely soon to be dead – she estimated she had about twenty minutes depending on traffic – and she had a skill she wanted to pass to Eileen.

Eileen made suitably soothing noises about her imminent demise but Mildred hushed her. ‘That’s the good news. The bad is what I’m giving you.’

Stunned Eileen waited, while Mildred continued, ‘I’m going to teach you to talk to Death.’

‘Talk to the dead?’

‘No, to Death.’

‘He… it… they don’t exist.’

‘Oh but she does. You interested?’

Eileen wasn’t especially ambitious and was happy travelling around, but she did crave a little more financial stability and a little more recognition. ‘What’s the catch?’

‘She’ll tell you when it’s your turn. If you ask.’

It was a no-brainer. ‘Do it. What do I do?’

‘Nothing just use this.’ Mildred handed her an old Nokia 5520. ‘Keep it charged.’

‘I ring?’

‘You ring.’

‘What number?’

‘There’s only one saved.’

‘Will she ring me?’

‘You’d better hope not.’

‘And I can ask about upcoming deaths?’

‘You can ask for favours, though she’ll want a quid pro quo.’

Mildred glanced anxiously over her shoulder. ‘She’s coming. I’ve gotta go. My bloke’s hankies need a rinse before I’m done.’