Casting Around For The Right God #writephoto #humour #creativewriting

This week’s #writephoto prompt is this picture

Christopher Cholmeldley St John Plankton pinched the bridge of his nose. He would not give in to the migraine that was beginning to batter the back of his eyes. He forced himself to focus on the agenda that lay on the blotter. ‘Next, the committee have been asked to decide on the temporary closure of the Sculpture park at Badger’s Trollope arboretum on the grounds of a clear breach of the Society’s public decency rules. Perhaps Geraldine could brief…’

‘It’s Mars’ penis, isn’t it? I knew you’d make a thing about the penis.’ Martin Clodpollock glowered down the table.

Christopher looked from Martin to Geraldine and down at the agenda. ‘I wasn’t aware we have a problem with Mars’ penis…’

Martin huffed. ‘It’s all about context.’

Geraldine shuffled her bosoms, not a good sign. ‘You can’t contextualise a phallus, even on a god. And it’s not a question of context, but proportion.’

Christopher could feel his control slipping as a tsunami of pain rippled across his forehead. ‘Can we deal with…?’

Martin wasn’t listening. He had stood and was pointing at Geraldine. ‘Oh, that’s peachy. What about Venus’ breasts? Even Atlas would have a job hefting those two masterdons.’

Christopher felt sure his skull was about to fissure. ‘The issue is neither Mars’ member or Venus’ boobage.’

Martin sat with a thump. ‘It isn’t?’

‘No.’

‘Which god is it, then?’

‘Geraldine?’

‘It seems there was a misunderstanding when the sculptures were commissioned. As you will recall we asked the country’s leading sculptors to design a piece based around Holsts’ planets…’

Martin nodded. ‘Yes, yes. Given who they were they had a free hand, hence the engorged…’

‘Quite. I think we’ve dealt with that for now. Each piece was installed in one of the glades and lakes.’

Heads nodded. Everyone had said it was a splendid idea and would put them on the map.

‘We asked Sir Anthony Gormely to participate, but his people weren’t sure so we assumed he would decline. But it turned out he was keen and he asked which of the planets he could do.’

Geraldine looked at Christopher. Neither wanted to speak.

Martin drummed the table, his irritation growing. ‘And? Did he make some winged messenger like that thingy of the north everyone bangs on about? That would be fine as Mercury.’

‘I think the planetary connection might have become lost in translation as it were. I’ve checked the letter of instruction and it’s seems my Secretary misunderstood my intentions. The workmen are installing it now. It’s rather unfortunately taking central stage.’ Geraldine pushed a sheet of paper towards Christopher who read it, blanched and stumbled to his feet.

One by one it went around the table. As each trustee scanned the copy, they too stood and left the room, intent it seemed on checking for themselves. Eventually it reached Martin who glanced at it, growled, ‘Oh for pity’s sake…’ and walked out.

The sheet sat where he left it.

Dear Sir Anthony,

The committee are delighted you have agreed to provide us with your piece for our new installation. Given your imaginative interpretations the committee are looking forward to how you will represent your anus. We are delighted to confirm that her majesty will be at the opening…’

To give more context for those not familiar with Gormely’s work, this statue cast in bronze is part of an installation near Liverpool. The model from which all these figures were cast is Gormley himself.. he has form….

About TanGental

My name is Geoff Le Pard. Once I was a lawyer; now I am a writer. I've published several books: a four book series following Harry Spittle as he grows from hapless student to hapless partner in a London law firm; four others in different genres; a book of poetry; four anthologies of short fiction; and a memoir of my mother. I have several more in the pipeline. I have been blogging regularly since 2014, on topic as diverse as: poetry based on famous poems; memories from my life; my garden; my dog; a whole variety of short fiction; my attempts at baking and food; travel and the consequent disasters; theatre, film and book reviews; and the occasional thought piece. Mostly it is whatever takes my fancy. I avoid politics, mostly, and religion, always. I don't mean to upset anyone but if I do, well, sorry and I suggest you go elsewhere. These are my thoughts and no one else is to blame. If you want to nab anything I post, please acknowledge where it came from.
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18 Responses to Casting Around For The Right God #writephoto #humour #creativewriting

  1. I have to say I knew what was coming when Gormley entered the fray – but I thoroughly enjoyed it and didn’t know how you would present it 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  2. OMG Geoff! I creased reading this!!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. willowdot21 says:

    Love it, a much needed laugh!

    Like

  4. JT Twissel says:

    As an amateur sculptor I can tell you it’s not so easy to move those body parts around! A boob merely attached to the torso and not a part of it will crumble and fall off!

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Chel Owens says:

    Agreed with your sculptor friend, above. It does take mastery to …enhance parts beyond their ability to be properly ..assisted by the remainder of the sculpture.

    Liked by 2 people

  6. Pingback: #WRITEPHOTO – NEPTUNE by geofflepard – New2Writing

  7. Pingback: #Writephoto Round-Up – Neptune – New2Writing

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