Good breeding #shortstory

‘Hopkins, is that a…?’

‘Hunk, sir..’ DC Hopkins added. ‘Specifically a Henry. Good for perfect pecs, bespoke self-tatting and..’

‘Thanks. Are they all the Henrys in there? Whatever “there” is?’

‘A garage and sump, sir. The Henrys’ preferred environment. Anywhere with oil, really…’

‘Hence the glistening?’

‘The gene pool of your basic Hunk naturally extrudes a sheen…’

DI Parmesan felt nauseous. ‘The corpse wasn’t a Hunk?’

‘No sir. A Poseur, specifically a Tarquin. Apparently, Tarquins are predisposed to be noisy and brash so congregate in hawing groups by bars and restaurants.’

‘Do they extrude?”

‘No sir.’

‘Thank heavens for that.’

As they crossed to the bar, Hopkins added, ‘Tarquins preen excessively, especially working to maintain their spectacular hair.’

‘Good research, Constable.’

‘My daughter sir. She watches The Socialite of the Year show. Hunks and Beefcakes are her favourites.’

The older man stooped by the bare torso. ‘Who’d want to be perfect?’

‘Makes good TV, sir. And if a Stud is voted to marry, then they’re made.’

Parmesan lifted the sheet, a beautifully manicured severed hand sat next to its recently waxed arm. ‘And if they’re not chosen?’

‘Well, depends where they come in the public vote. Top ten and it’s this place; a permanent stud-bunny.’

Parmesan looked up, grimacing. ‘Just sex and cocktails?’

‘Not a bad life, I suppose.’

‘I think crime and a Horlicks will do me. Suspect?’

‘A Brittle. She’s over there. Her sequins are all over the stiff.’

‘He’ll never be a stiff again.’

‘Ha ha, sir, Very drole. It seems he preferred a half-Brazen.’

‘We’d better interview them.’

‘I’ve prepared this. Thought it might help.’

‘What is it?’

‘Some conversational opening gambits and chat-up-line deflectors. It’ll help you avoid any social gaffs.’

‘I’m getting too old for this, Hopkins.’

About TanGental

My name is Geoff Le Pard. Once I was a lawyer; now I am a writer. I've published several books: a four book series following Harry Spittle as he grows from hapless student to hapless partner in a London law firm; four others in different genres; a book of poetry; four anthologies of short fiction; and a memoir of my mother. I have several more in the pipeline. I have been blogging regularly since 2014, on topic as diverse as: poetry based on famous poems; memories from my life; my garden; my dog; a whole variety of short fiction; my attempts at baking and food; travel and the consequent disasters; theatre, film and book reviews; and the occasional thought piece. Mostly it is whatever takes my fancy. I avoid politics, mostly, and religion, always. I don't mean to upset anyone but if I do, well, sorry and I suggest you go elsewhere. These are my thoughts and no one else is to blame. If you want to nab anything I post, please acknowledge where it came from.
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3 Responses to Good breeding #shortstory

  1. willowdot21 says:

    You’ve been watching too much “reality TV” really where does reality come into it 💜

    Liked by 1 person

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