A Warning. #poem #poetry

Posted on Feb 27, 2021 by TanGental

Sea Fever by John Masefield is a classic that begins ‘I must down to the seas again’. This is my alternative version….

I must up to the loo again

As I give in to the urge to pee

And while I stand and await the flow

I ask Ma Nature: ‘Why me?’

Is it really too much to be allowed

To sleep from eleven till late?

What did I do to upset the gods

To trigger this nightly hate?

I’ve paid my taxes, I’ve cleaned the fridge,

I’ve pretended to like green tea;

But like an alarm that won’t switch off

At five I must up to pee.

When the moment comes and my bladder calls

I shuffle like ancient man

Trying to pretend I’m still asleep

As I point Percy at the pan.

On autopilot, I hope my aim

Is vaguely accurate

I don’t want to miss and puddle instead

And leave the floor in a state.

But truth be told as I freely admit

I don’t give a tinker’s cuss

To trade a splash for a little more sleep

Is worth the subsequent fuss.

But for those still with your gilded youth

Please, this advice, don’t ignore:

Each time you stand (or sit) to pee

Squeeze, squeeze your pelvic floor.

About TanGental

My name is Geoff Le Pard. Once I was a lawyer; now I am a writer. I've published several books: a four book series following Harry Spittle as he grows from hapless student to hapless partner in a London law firm; four others in different genres; a book of poetry; four anthologies of short fiction; and a memoir of my mother. I have several more in the pipeline. I have been blogging regularly since 2014, on topic as diverse as: poetry based on famous poems; memories from my life; my garden; my dog; a whole variety of short fiction; my attempts at baking and food; travel and the consequent disasters; theatre, film and book reviews; and the occasional thought piece. Mostly it is whatever takes my fancy. I avoid politics, mostly, and religion, always. I don't mean to upset anyone but if I do, well, sorry and I suggest you go elsewhere. These are my thoughts and no one else is to blame. If you want to nab anything I post, please acknowledge where it came from.
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21 Responses to A Warning. #poem #poetry

  1. Ritu says:
    Feb 27, 2021 at 10:01 am

    Oh, I hear you His Geoffleship! Except I’m not aiming my Percy 🤣

    Liked by 2 people

  2. willowdot21 says:
    Feb 27, 2021 at 10:05 am

    Beautifully put Geoff and so true !

    Liked by 1 person

  3. V.M.Sang says:
    Feb 27, 2021 at 10:34 am

    Oh yes, Geoff. But with me it’s 4am! Actually I managed until 7 this morning, but that’s worse. Can’t get back to sleep at 7am!

    Liked by 1 person

  4. LucciaGray says:
    Feb 27, 2021 at 12:26 pm

    Fortunately, I have no trouble getting back to sleep!

    Liked by 1 person

  5. George says:
    Feb 27, 2021 at 12:35 pm

    This speaks to me 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Anabel @ The Glasgow Gallivanter says:
    Feb 27, 2021 at 2:31 pm

    I think this comes to us all after a certain age – and whatever version of anatomy we have. If it’s before 5 am I can usually get back to sleep. If it’s after 5 I’ve had it, especially as the mornings get lighter.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. robertawrites235681907 says:
    Feb 27, 2021 at 2:39 pm

    Bravo, Geoff, a great poem. I didn’t know men did pelvic floor exercises …

    Liked by 1 person

  8. John W. Howell says:
    Feb 27, 2021 at 4:16 pm

    Now that you offer sage advice on bladder matters, I think a warning about flatulence is in order. To quote Jack Nicholson, “Do not trust a fart.”

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Jennie says:
    Feb 28, 2021 at 2:14 am

    Oh, I’m there with you!

    Liked by 1 person

Comments are closed.