In 1975, living in the arse end of nowhere, I did not have a sophisticated outlook. Nothing about my existence, immediately prior to going to university could be described as sophisticated and nothing exemplified this better than my relationship with liquids of the drinking sort.
I turned 18 in November 1974 and for my first legal drink I enjoyed, if that is the right word a pub crawl with four friends up Lymington High Street. My drink of choice? Beer. Ale, of the hoppy sort. Back then nearly all beer sold in the ubiquitous British Pub was either bitter – my preference – or lager – which then was light gassy and tasteless. Indeed the principle differences between most bitters and lagers were in the weight. Bitter was heavier, with more body. It too was generally gassy and pretty lacking in a discernible flavour.
There were signs of the improvements that would reshape the British relationship with beer. Camra – the campaign for real ale – had begun to make its voice heard, though it would take a Thatcherite initiative 15 years later to drive a stake through the heart of the gassy keg bitter that was mostly sold back then. In 1974 the large – as in mahoosive – brewery companies dictated what we punters wanted and that was a beer that kept well – so was pumped full of CO2 – tasted like pond water and introduced the majority of the public to persistent and percussive farting. A joke back then told you all you needed to know
Q: what’s the similarity between making love in a punt and Watneys Red Barrel (a brand of bitter)?
A: they’re both fucking close to water
For me at 18, these were pretty fine distinctions. At 16 pence a pint, at its cheapest, Trophy bitter as Whitbread’s staple was called served its purpose: cheap, enough alcohol to eventually addle my brain but not so much that I couldn’t manage ten pints before I lost control of my lips, my limbs following shortly after.
And that was it, really. I didn’t drink spirits – too expensive, or wine – not popular in my circle. There were non alcoholic drinks of course. Fruit juices came in small bottles and had the sort of aftertaste that suggested at some point they’d shared their glass accommodation with fermenting rodents. Lemonade came in large bottles and was made by R Whites. My mother’s sneering, if she found you drinking this was so loud it was the aural equivalent of the Great Wall of China and could be heard in space. She made her own which was indeed delicious but had a season of perhaps 6 weeks in the summer when lemons were plentiful. Mind you if she sneered at the lemonade I’m not sure of the verb to describe here views on all forms of cola, Coke or Pepsi. Generally she found Americans likeable and her musical preferences were all crooning American lounge lizards, but her scorn knew no bounds when it came to all things culinary. By the time I left for Bristol I’d learnt not to bother suggesting I drink either sort.
And then I arrived in Bristol and met a whole range of people with an even wider experience of alcohol than my parents. In no time at all I was challenged in my bitter preferences but both at the time, and looking back now I have to admit things didn’t improve in quality much.
Beer
I suppose the only difference was that some friends drank bottled beer. These pilsners from Eastern Europe were a notch up on the pumped lager I knew from. There were also the danish beers that were popular, Tuborg being one such. But these became occasional treats as much for pricing reasons as any other. As for beer, well Bristol pubs were predominantly Courage pubs so we were soon weaned onto Courage best bitter; it was shite but not as appalling as that pumped directly from the sewers which was Newcastle brown ale – ‘Newkie brown’. Geez, really? You were meant to drink it? I always suspected it started life as something you used as an unblocker and somehow found an alternative use.
Spirits
Ah yes. Now spirits were available at home but parsimoniously dispensed. Scotch was Bells, what dad drank with ginger ale at New Years Day parties and called cooking scotch. He had mentioned malt whiskies but to my certain knowledge these were never served to anyone of my youth back then. And I certainly never experienced them at uni. Gin as in gin and tonic I’d tried and hated. In the early weeks of my first year Dave and I were invited to some party where we found ourselves getting blootered on gin. It was awful and created a tsunami of pain when it came to the hangover. All I really remember about that experience was running across the Downs on our way back to our Halls having stolen one of those paraffin lamps with which they used to light up roadworks and tossing it between us like a rugby ball. I suppose we were lucky neither of us were flambéed. I do know I never drank gin after that day. Other spirits included vodka and rum but none really appealed and somehow the supposedly manly connotations that came from drinking pints prevented me moving to shots.
Wine
I can’t say I became a sophisticated wine drinker during my three years. There were three wines I recall that appeared with a numbing regularity. Blue Nun, Black Tower and Cloberg. These were all Germanic of the Riesling or Liebfraumilch sort, sweetish and pretty unpleasant. The advantage was in availability, pricing and the fact they were session wines, so named because you could survive a session drinking them before you thought better of it. Red wines were far too adult for we novices. I can recall a Cote du Rhône at some point in my third year but that was about it. I also have nightmares being water boarded with a red called Don Cortez, a Bolivian Vino Tinto, but that is another story….
Cider
It would be remiss if I didn’t mention cider that staple of West Country obliterations. In Bristol then and probably now you could always find cider on draught. The famous establishment was the Coronation Tap, the Corrie, where they sold three sorts: cheap, very cheap and so cheap you didn’t even realise you’d paid for it. Each could be sampled neat or adulterated with orange or blackcurrant squash. The first universal truth about all three was after one pint you experienced its anaesthetic qualities. After two you developed a ruddy complexion and spoke with the slow West Country drawl because that was a fast as you brain would allow. After three… no one remembers what happens after three.
The right of passage as a law student was during Rag Week – I’m not sure these affairs survive these more sensitive of times – but they were (in)famous for their japes and jokes, not all of which were that well thought out or very sensible. Being lawyers in the making we undertook something involving ritual and humiliation: our version of something called Dwile Flunking.
In simple terms this required one person to stand in a circle made up of the other participants who danced clockwise. The person in the middle held a stick on the end of which was draped a wet rag – the ‘dwile’ which he or she proceeded to fling or ‘flunk’ at the circle. A hit and the ‘flunkee’ drank a cup of local cider; miss and the ‘flunker’ drank the cup. The cider was the roughest that money could buy – it was seriously cheap – and often meant the person in the middle, were they to miss twice needed to be helped away from a stomach pump and counselling. And they tell us the old days were better. Right.
Water
Years later I discovered you could drink this rather than just wash in it. Truly revelatory.
Of course, being students were drank huge quantities of tea and coffee. Somethings have stayed with me.
TanGental 
“so loud it was the aural equivalent of the Great Wall of China and could be heard in space” – I love this! Thank you for making me laugh out loud, and for the brief (and no doubt spotty) account of late 20th century beverages in England. 😉
LikeLiked by 1 person
It is extraordinary i remember the half of it!!
LikeLike
I had a somewhat similar experience with gin. Once and once only. Never, ever, have I touched the stuff since.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Awful gunk..
LikeLiked by 1 person
It was black rum that did for me at a party – never touched the stuff since. Even the smell of it was enough to make me throw up for a long time afterwards.
I do take issue with your scorn for Newcastle Brown, though. I rather liked it.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Nope sorry, its unfiltered Tyne water. No debate…
LikeLiked by 1 person
I remember tasting Granny’s Lavender water when I was small, yuk. My first and almost only experience of gin was that it tasted exactly the same!
The ziderrr drinking game sounds like something to avoid, but very British, like a form of Morris Dancing!
LikeLiked by 1 person
I’m afraid i always followed the crowd even at the cost of brown cells. Lavender water? That’s worse than any of my experiences. Never understood why some put it in food. Once had a lavender creme brulee. Utter rubbish.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Lavender Earl Grey is delicious, though
LikeLiked by 1 person
Nope I can’t buy that. But then Earl Gray is brewed dishcloth so I suppose it might be a beat up from that.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Re the brewed dishcloth comment, I once saw Rooibos described as ‘stewed hay ‘, which I thought was perfect.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Yes. I can think of a few others for chamomile too
LikeLike
Ah. My freshers downfall was sangria. I’d never heard of it, and at the first party I attended it was described as a “sort of fruit punch.” How could that hurt you? Let me count the ways. The only single advantage was that it made me so violently ill I expelled every drop (and a couple of my toes too, I think) and woke up the next day feeling just fine. 17 is a truly miraculous age. That was my first and last sangria experience. But I rejoice that it involved something so truly revolting, its subsequent avoidance didn’t really leave a gap in my future life. I can honestly say that in the following decades, nobody has ever attempted to serve me sangria, let alone extolled its virtues or vintage.
LikeLiked by 1 person
My first and like you last experience of that Iberian Abomination was on my first package holiday in 1981. I held it down sadly and experienced the full Guernica Brain the next day
LikeLiked by 1 person
You brought back memories of my student life. In our circle, we had several parties where only strong spirits were served. These were rights of passage parties meant to teach proper consumption. Heaven help the underclassman who overdid the privilege. He was given a UC and had to appear before the Upperclassmen Committee for determination of the punishment. It was usually a cleaning of the restrooms, but the humiliation was the worst. I remember my first and last UC was for falling into the large rubbish bin after taking a wrong turn.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Now that reminds me of a work colleague…
LikeLiked by 1 person
😁
LikeLike
I share Mary’s disdain at your scorn for Broon, as we knew it in its homeland, the drink of choice for our young men, and therefore of fond memory. I occasionally drank it but certainly wouldn’t touch it now mind you. I drank the sort of revolting drinks that came in little bottles (snowballs, Pony, Cherry B) and sweet martini and lemonade. I feel sick just thinking of them. I remember Blue Nun and Black Tower but not Cloberg. To that I would add Hirondelle, red or white. Vile.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Ah Hirondelle. Im sure we got them because no one else in Europe would buy them. If there was a wine lake as sometimes described ours was at the marshy fetid end. Broon… hmm. Nope, it was and probably still is distilled Tyne water… I remember Babysham and Warniks Avocat as similar drinks mum indulged at Christmas. I only liked the glace cherries they came with
LikeLike
I’m sure the wine lake theory holds good! I’m remembering butter mountains now too, ah the good old days! I’m not even sure that’s sarcastic anymore given the antics of the current shysters. I suspect breaking the law in a specific and limited way doesn’t impress you either …
LikeLiked by 1 person
No I’m gobsmacked at the crass stupidity of it. Now any shade of government will have the excuse of precedent. Five years of this lot. Goodness what an idea.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Wow. I’m with you that these days don’t sound that great. How did any of you escape with any brain cells or a liver?
LikeLiked by 1 person
I’m not sure i did. I did become teetotal in my early 30s though!!
LikeLiked by 1 person
This made me laugh!!
LikeLiked by 1 person
I had that very same gin experience and didn’t touch it again for years!
I went to University in Newcastle where a bottle of Newcastle Brown Ale is known as a bottle of dog, supposedly on account of all the blokes who regularly told their wives they were just nipping out to walk the dog and strangely came back smelling of it.
I remember a story about a rag week jape where someone informed a bunch of workmen, performing road repairs, that a bunch of students dressed as police were intending to come and move them on. They then rang the police station, and told them there was a gang of students, dressed as workmen, obstructing traffic.
Thank you for a very entertaining and nostalgic post.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Ah there were some good ones amongst the cringy worthy and downright unpleasant
LikeLiked by 1 person
This is such an amazing recollection! Please could we share on the Museum of Alcohol blog? We’ll link back to your original post. Thanks, Theresa
LikeLike
Please be my guest!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you 😊
LikeLiked by 1 person