Logan And Morgan Visit The US #blogbattle #carrotranch #shortstory #dialogue

‘Tell me again, why I came, Morgan?’

‘Take the next left… no right… no…’

‘It’s the Interstate. We agreed before we set off, we’d join the Interstate.’

‘Why am I map reading, anyway? If you know where you’re going?’

‘Morgan, there in a nutshell is why I am wondering why I came. I know our destination for tonight – Chicago – I just need help with the bits between here and there.’

‘We’ve got Sat Nav. You could…’

‘I told you I have an aversion to know-all people telling me to make a U turn when possible, without being able to argue with them. At least with you I can release some of the inevitable frustrations.’

‘There in a nutshell is why you came, Logan.’

‘Help me here?’

‘Without me, your life would be one of constant frustration. I’m your sanity provider.’

‘God help us all…’

*

‘Do you want me to drive for a bit? It said it’s still 200 miles to Chicago.’

‘No.’

‘I can drive you know.’

‘There’s a difference between having a licence, which requires some sentient but probably half-witted individual determining you have passed a test and being competent to manoeuvre what is, in your hands several kilos of killing metal. You enjoy the view. Anyway, this is an automatic and you said you’d never driven one.’

‘No what I said was you don’t need to drive it. If it’s automatic.’

‘Did you? I must have been enjoying a moment when I managed to drown out your diarrhoea of banalities. That is nonsense, of course.’

‘No it’s not. I read about it in my paper. They’re the new thing, no need to drive.’

‘Do you mean driver-less cars?’

‘They do it automatically.’

‘Why did I say I’d come?’

*

‘Are you excited?’

‘About getting a separate room tonight?’

‘No, about getting to Keweenaw. It sounds so exciting.’

‘Why would I be excited? It’s your family we’re tracing.’

‘Did I tell you it probably means I’m Finnish.’

‘There’s a first for everything given you’ve never finished anything yet.’

‘The Finns set up there, in the mines. It’s well known.’

‘No it’s not. At least not in South London. And you only know because of my stupidity.’

‘You’re not stupid.’

‘Kind of you to say, but if I’m honest paying for a subscription to Ancestry so you could trace whether it was true your Uncle Kenneth really was the descendent of a Norse God was to keep you quiet. Not to send you on a wild goose chase to North America.’

‘With you.’

‘With me.’

‘Thanks for coming. It wouldn’t be the same, you know. Without you.’

‘No, I suppose the chances of you being allowed in were marginally increased by my preventing you completing the part of the immigration form ‘purpose of visit’ with ‘eating the big apples’.’

‘Yes, Sorry about that. I thought they’d find it funny.’

‘I’m pretty sure one of the prerequisites to be employed by Homeland Security is the absence of a sense of humour. The truth is Morgan, I’m pleased you asked me. It was perfect timing.’

‘Margery?’

‘Indeed. And your mother asked I look after you. Why don’t you have a sleep before I do.’

*

‘Why have we stopped?’

‘I seem to have upset the gentlemen behind us.’

‘Oh cool. A policeman! That’s a black and white, you know.’

‘I think the correct term is mixed race.’

‘The car.’

‘Right… yes Officer. How can I help?’

‘What’s he saying Logan?’

‘I really have no idea. Finnish perhaps because if it’s English it’s not an English they taught at Gremlin-on-Spunt Elementary.’

‘I think he wants some papers? Do you think he wants paying?’

‘I’m pretty sure that bribing a police officer here will invoke much the same response as in Peckham only with the added excitement of bullets.’

‘No, I saw it in this film. There’s this chap who doesn’t wash much and has this thing about ice lollies…’

‘Are you alluding to Dirty Harry and his magnum, perchance?’

‘That’s it! He takes money. The guidebook says you have to tip everyone in America because they get paid in aftershave. That’s why the cops take money.’

‘No, Officer my friend is sometimes a little unsure of human topography in that he fails to understand which way is up a lot of the time. He doesn’t actually think you are paid by Dior. He’s confused cents with… Yes of course Officer I’ll step out of the car if you think that will assist you in your duties. Morgan what is it?’

‘Ask him if he has a spare brooch. It would be so cool to take one home.’

‘It’s his badge of office, Morgan. He’s not about to let you have that. Why’d you want it anyway?’

‘We could put it on the dashboard. It would remind us we are following our star.’

‘Morgan that is a lovely idea. If I don’t get us arrested or perforated like a Swiss cheese with some of the ordnance this constable seems to be carrying, I promise we will stop in the next town and buy a brooch in the shape of a star.’

‘Thank you, Logan.’

‘Entirely my pleasure, Morgan. Now try not to fart. I think with the proximity of his cheroot the chances of an unfortunate involuntary combustion are high.’

This story was written in response to April’s #blogbattle prompt but also utilises two characters, who I’ve developed for the regular weekly prompts at the Carrot Ranch here.

About TanGental

My name is Geoff Le Pard. Once I was a lawyer; now I am a writer. I've published four books - Dead Flies and Sherry Trifle, My Father and Other Liars, Salisbury Square and Buster & Moo. In addition I have published three anthologies of short stories and a memoir of my mother. More will appear soon. I will try and continue to blog regularly at geofflepard.com about whatever takes my fancy. I hope it does yours too. These are my thoughts and no one else is to blame. If you want to nab anything I post, please acknowledge where it came from.
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16 Responses to Logan And Morgan Visit The US #blogbattle #carrotranch #shortstory #dialogue

  1. Ritu says:

    Cleverly done!

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Oh, oh, they’re here! I wouldn’t be surprised if we see them soon at a ranch near us, or at least at a saloon near a ranch near us. They’re nearly there. Where? Here we go. I think their destination is just round the bend.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I hope they get out alive …… Or do I?

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Pingback: #BlogBattle Stories: Brooch | BlogBattle

  5. aebranson says:

    Quite amusing with a twisted version of a Laurel and Hardy relationship here. The bit about ‘mixed race’ cracked me up! I occasionally lost track of who was speaking when, but with that pair, it probably didn’t make much difference anyway…!

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Gary says:

    Spot on inane travel banter Geoff. Even to the point where I’m uncertain who says what, because in reality that one skews up loads to…

    “But you said…” (Assured total memory recall)

    “I certainly did not…” (authoritative denial)

    By the end the first is entirely uncertain of memory recall, full of self doubt and anxiety: the second terribly guilty for deceit and worrying if early onset dementia is causing memory loss. The rich tapestry of deep relationship levels… comfortably numb to coin a tune.

    Very well put together as always Geoff.

    Like

  7. Haha, this was wonderful! Such natural banter between two people who clearly know each other deeply. I love Logan’s endless patience combined with his bitingly dry wit, and Morgan seems to be chasing one digressing thought after another. Lovely little story!

    Liked by 1 person

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