Spring? Yeah Right. #poem #terriblepoetry

I thought I’d try Chelsea’s latest terrible poetry challenge, here.

Spring? Yeah, right

Spring has finally sprung

But like a gorilla on an old mattress

It’s barely left the ground

Which is frankly disappointing.

*

This year’s daffodils

Have wandered off with a poet,

Looking jaundiced

And in need of a good drink.

*

The lambs have skipped

School in favour of

The slaughterhouse

Cos at least it’s warm.

*

There’s blossom on the trees

But it’s more like

Arboreal dandruff

Than a sign of new birth.

*

Whoever coined the expression

Global warming

Hasn’t had his nadger’s iced

By a March north wind.

*

It bites like a demented rabbit

Denied its conjugal rights

Cos Mrs Flossy has chucked him out

Of the family burrow. Again.

*

Yeah Spring. It sucks. I’m

Practising self hibernation.

About TanGental

My name is Geoff Le Pard. Once I was a lawyer; now I am a writer. I've published four books - Dead Flies and Sherry Trifle, My Father and Other Liars, Salisbury Square and Buster & Moo. In addition I have published three anthologies of short stories and a memoir of my mother. More will appear soon. I will try and continue to blog regularly at geofflepard.com about whatever takes my fancy. I hope it does yours too. These are my thoughts and no one else is to blame. If you want to nab anything I post, please acknowledge where it came from.
This entry was posted in miscellany, poems, poetry and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

40 Responses to Spring? Yeah Right. #poem #terriblepoetry

  1. Ritu says:

    ‘Terribly’ good!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. willowdot21 says:

    Lovely Geoff, my favourite line is
    Arboreal dandruff
    Than a sign of new birth. 💜

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Oh, what a ‘terribly’ great poem. I love it. I think we make too little of awful poetry. It’s good for a laugh if nothing else.

    Like

  4. “His nadgers iced by the cold March wind ….” That’s so funny I’ve just shown my husband!!! Thanks for the laughs!

    Liked by 1 person

    • TanGental says:

      Pleasure as always. You guys surviving this house arrest thing ok?

      Liked by 1 person

      • Thanks and yes .. is it wrong to say that I’m enjoying pottering around the apartment, writing and having time with my husband?? I miss my kids who are in the U.K. but in truth they’re far happier with all their stuff around them and not having mum and stepdad in a confined space. They’re at university so enjoying using the time cooking and having multiple conversations on line with all their friends! You ok??

        Liked by 1 person

      • TanGental says:

        yes thanks; I naturally self isolate when I want to write and we do live in a spectacular environ with the garden so its not a hardship. I’ve also fallen in love with Joe Wicks’ workouts so I’ll be fitter than ever when this is done. Who thought six minute abs could be fun? Er, no one but anyway…

        Liked by 1 person

      • Ha!! Well I’m very impressed! I think I need to check out this Joe Wicks fellow, he’s very popular …

        Liked by 1 person

  5. Forgot to say … lovely pictures! Katie

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Erika says:

    Looks like global warming took place in winter only! Very good poem, Geoff, and the pictures are gorgeous!

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Now that’s a spring I can relate to, change that north wind out for a southerly one and there we are. Lines two and three quite captured me and it took a while to continue on. I agree, it’s a terribly good poem!

    Liked by 1 person

    • TanGental says:

      Oh dang. You think it includes some good? Back to the drawing board. On the subject of winds I always love watching All Black tests from Invercargill because of the inevitability of that southern gale…

      Like

      • Well, only if you are drawn to over-size gorillas leaping about on old mattresses….. And haha to Invercargill gales! On a good day, on a step ladder with a telescope you can almost spot Mt Erebus …… and the locals break out the teeshirts and shorts the minute the sun shines and the temperature rises above 6C.

        Liked by 1 person

      • TanGental says:

        You’re both hardy and bonkers but then I suppose I always knew that…

        Liked by 1 person

  8. Ha! Bloomin’ funny!

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Elizabeth says:

    The demented rabbit denied his conjugal rights(only a lawyer would come up with that one) about says it!

    Liked by 1 person

  10. Suzanne says:

    “Yeah Right”, good to read a quintessential kiwi saying. Love a colourful array of flowers. Oh, and the poem.

    Liked by 1 person

  11. I adore your garden/flower photos. The March north wind biting like a demented rabbit is an awesome line and made me think of Alice in Wonderland. The March Hare. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  12. JT Twissel says:

    Spring in the time of cholera, hey? Gave me a perverse giggle or two. Poor lambies!

    Liked by 1 person

  13. Pingback: WINNER of the Weekly Terrible Poetry Contest 4/3/2020 | Chelsea Ann Owens

  14. Well, at least you let us see your lovely flowers. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  15. SnowHearT says:

    It’s all awesome 😎

    Liked by 1 person

  16. Ha! I admire that you always have the wisdom to cushion the blow with photos of your lovely garden. 😉

    Like

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