Hmm…? Poetry?

I think I’ll nano this year. I’ve just launched the Second Harry Spittle book (oh come on, I know you know!) and book three is written and out for editing (launch early next year) so now is the time for book four – Things Never Ever Get Better, set around the time of the Blair victory in 1997. Not sure what the story lines will be but there’s a ton of possibilities.

Meanwhile I’m wondering still about a poetry book. I’ve had some useful and often times challenging feedback on what such a book might contain – I’ve written much, not a lot is any good and it’s difficult to decide what might justify inclusion. One possibility would be the poems I’ve written using the first line (or title) of a famous poem and the structure and then created my own. I will re-share a few here over the next few days and I’d love to hear from you what you think about that idea, whether you think these have any merit.

If you have a favourite poem you’d like me to ruin, let me know in the comments and I’ll see what inspires me.

And if anyone wants to involve themselves in considering my poetry as a sort of beta reader, do let me know, either in the comments or via the contact page.

Oh and as a special treat I’ll end with a picture of Dog.

If (Or When) The Truth Finally Dawns

(If, Rudyard Kipling)

If you can fly a drone yet not drone on about that skill

And capture some celebs’ tits, for your Insta feed to fill;

If you can face the surgeon’s knife and also find the wedge

To have your gender altered, adding meat and two root veg;

If you can make an online bet, and keep on loss on loss

And find some time for other games and still not give a toss;

If you can change allegiance from Arsenal to Spurs

And face the chants of ‘traitor’ and some witch’s paid-for curse;

If you can hold the notion, that your MPs moral compass

Is still intact when it’s bloody plain he’s just a cheating short-arse;

If you can read the dailies and absorb a constant diet

Of fake news and propaganda, yet still you want to buy it;

If you can be a vegan yet not let veganing be your master

Adopt a healthy lifestyle, yet let blue pills make you harder;

If you control the TV remote to the manor born

And pass your empty nights with sport and paid-for Scandi-porn;

If passing days in a sweaty haze of gyms and protein shakes

Lets you think that guns and tucked in tums are all it really takes;

If you can drink your weight in beer, and finish with a curry

Wake up drunk, go to work and still not think to worry;

If you can take on a lifetime’s debt, for a poxy little degree

And never think that you’ve been had then I’m sure you will agree,

That you’ve won life’s lottery and you’ve proved that you’re a man

And really don’t you think, you dick, that it’s time that you began

To realise that the world is sick and everything that’s in it

Should now be run by women, so that maybe they can fix it.

About TanGental

My name is Geoff Le Pard. Once I was a lawyer; now I am a writer. I've published several books: a four book series following Harry Spittle as he grows from hapless student to hapless partner in a London law firm; four others in different genres; a book of poetry; four anthologies of short fiction; and a memoir of my mother. I have several more in the pipeline. I have been blogging regularly since 2014, on topic as diverse as: poetry based on famous poems; memories from my life; my garden; my dog; a whole variety of short fiction; my attempts at baking and food; travel and the consequent disasters; theatre, film and book reviews; and the occasional thought piece. Mostly it is whatever takes my fancy. I avoid politics, mostly, and religion, always. I don't mean to upset anyone but if I do, well, sorry and I suggest you go elsewhere. These are my thoughts and no one else is to blame. If you want to nab anything I post, please acknowledge where it came from.
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24 Responses to Hmm…? Poetry?

  1. Ritu says:

    I think your alternate classics would be a hit!!!


  2. willowdot21 says:

    I have really enjoyed you “rearranged poems” you always find a humourous bent to them. A book would be brilliant. You been inspired me to write a couple of songs. Also a photo of Dog is also an added bonus.
    As to revamping one of our favourite poems have considered Hiawatha. 😜
    As an aside I am loving The Last Will of Sven Anderson. Great book will be doing a review asap.


  3. Has anyone ever told you that you’re impatient?


  4. This is hilarious, Geoff, I love your humour. I am running a poetry readathon during November and December on robbiesinspiration. Let me know if you would like to participate with one of these poems.


  5. I’ve not been blogging much – mostly offline altogether really and yesterday I received the beautifully inscribed copy of The Last Will for which I thank you muchly. I’ve very much enjoyed your foray into alternate versions of the classics and this one is no exception – I especially applaud the final thought in it 🙂 A slim volume might go down quite well and be a fun addition to the coffee table genre where me or a guest might just idly pick it up and take a casual browse and have a chuckle or a think or both – which is something you are quite good at making happen. Hello Mylo 🙂


    • TanGental says:

      Mylo waves back and asks after Siddy. Hope you’re enjoying the sunshine and upcoming summer and ditto the latest novel. Yes, I think a little poetry book may well work. But to say I lack confidence in the form is an understatement… I don’t really understand why!!


  6. Losing the Plot says:

    Class. That’s sort of how I started out, and also how met my husband. I used to write poems/songs about rugby each week, based on famous versions.
    That’s how I come to have a version of ‘If’ too. Always a favourite 😊


  7. Elizabeth says:

    I think the reworked classic poems is a great idea. Your warped? clever? brilliant? edgy? humor comes through.


  8. Widdershins says:

    I like this one! 😀


  9. Imdalegreene says:

    I love this.


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