The Itchy Arse Of Fame #writephoto

The Sphinx sat, as it had done for centuries, eying the horizon with a jaundiced eye. Which, he thought was rather appropriate given the puss-yellow cloud of sand that anyone with half a brain could see massing on the far horizon.

He’d been around long enough to know that anthropomorphising the weather would get him the square root of nowhere but, bloody hell, if this didn’t happen again and a-bloody-gain. He’d just recovered from the last scouring, been dug out of the resulting dune by willing if less than thoughtful archaeologists and wouldn’t you know it a bit of low pressure and another bugger of a blast was readying itself to repeat the punishment. It wasn’t as if he needed to exfoliate, was it? So could you blame him for ascribing a malevolent intention to each recurring sand storm?

As always happened he began to feel the urge to turn slowly and imperceptibly so that the smallest part of him faced the on-rushing tumult. He knew from countless other batterings that he’d just have lined himself up when the first psychotic granules would pummel his nethers wearing down his resistance and filling his rear orifice with yet more sharp custard-coloured dust.

Maybe, he pondered with a misanthropic sigh, he was called the Sphinx because the part of his form that needed the most restoration was his serially abused sphincter.

Or maybe he wondered as tonnes of microscopic stone shrapnel ripped across his bows, his name came from the moronic team who’d thought it such a good idea to put one such as he in an effing desert in the first place. After all they had to be a bunch of complete arseholes, didn’t they?

The Sphinx folded his front paws, tucked in his chin and closed his eyes. Who’d be famous, eh?

#writephoto

About TanGental

My name is Geoff Le Pard. Once I was a lawyer; now I am a writer. I've published four books - Dead Flies and Sherry Trifle, My Father and Other Liars, Salisbury Square and Buster & Moo. In addition I have published three anthologies of short stories and a memoir of my mother. More will appear soon. I will try and continue to blog regularly at geofflepard.com about whatever takes my fancy. I hope it does yours too. These are my thoughts and no one else is to blame. If you want to nab anything I post, please acknowledge where it came from.
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31 Responses to The Itchy Arse Of Fame #writephoto

  1. Sue Vincent says:

    Always wanted to see the Sphinx… now I’m almost glad it never happened 😉

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Very entertaining story, Geoff.

    Liked by 2 people

  3. Ritu says:

    His Geoffleship is back!

    Liked by 3 people

  4. Missed your posts, Geoff! Sounds like you’ve been busy taking in the scenery out in the Egyptian desert.

    Liked by 2 people

  5. JT Twissel says:

    Hum, contemplating life as a Sphinx hey? And finding out it ain’t all it’s cracked up to be.

    Liked by 2 people

  6. Enjoyed it, Geoff.

    Liked by 2 people

  7. willowdot21 says:

    Brilliant Geoff, you never cease to amaze and entertain. 💜

    Liked by 2 people

  8. /Users/derrickknight/Desktop/s-l1600.jpg

    Liked by 1 person

  9. I don’t think I’ve done this properly, but https://www.google.co.uk/search?source=hp&ei=QPmiXeb-HoKLlwS40aDICA&q=tennis+girl+poster&oq=tennis+girl&gs_l=psy-ab.1.0.0l10.1916.6485..9691…0.0..0.123.799.10j1……0….1..gws-wiz…….0i131.K_4GJ4JZLjE
    might be better

    Liked by 1 person

  10. The simple image of a/the sphinx contemplating anthropomorphising the weather just cracks me up. And again, another phrase I want to steal away – getting someone the square root of nowhere. . .
    Wonderful stuff Geoff.
    Welcome back. I have a used, but damp warm towel here somewhere with your name on it.

    Liked by 2 people

  11. Elizabeth says:

    Have you seen the demise of the New Hampshire Old Man of the Mountain? It came to mind reading this.

    Liked by 2 people

  12. Pingback: The Itchy Arse Of Fame ~ Geoff Le Pard #writephoto | Sue Vincent's Daily Echo

  13. A delightful read. You had me at the title 😉

    Liked by 1 person

  14. jenanita01 says:

    Interesting piece…

    Like

  15. The poor sphinx. With global warming, he’s going to have to hold his cheeks tight together for a few more millennia. Great story, Geoff.

    Like

  16. Pingback: Photo prompt round-up: Stillness #writephoto | Sue Vincent's Daily Echo

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