Life, Times, Rants #grumble #whinge

We do live in some interesting times in the UK, with a self-confessed reincarnated olive as our premier and with the Transylvanian Member for the eighteenth century in charge of the House of Commons and who has issued his own style guide for how his staff should craft their parchments.

Part of said style guide offered examples of common words that should not be used:

  • very
  • due to
  • unacceptable
  • equal
  • yourself
  • lot
  • got
  • speculate
  • meet with
  • ascertain
  • and disappointment

Now, it has to be admitted that the Supercilious Satan for North Somerset was being both provocative and promoting his own Antiquarian credentials but it did open the idea that we should all have a list of words/grammar rules/pet hates we want to see banned. To kick this off, here are the ones that are the lexicographical fingers down the blackboard for me:

  • moist
  • split infinitives
  • ‘for free’
  • the random insertion of ‘like’ in sentences
  • ‘back in the day’
  • ‘early doors’
  • ‘as of now’
  • runny custard
  • people doing their hair and make up on public transport
  • lifts that start at 1 and not G
  • someone who includes my christian name when they are only talking to me as in ‘well, Geoff…’
  • ‘like a polished turd’
  • the neutralising of words for their perceived gender bias e.g. manhole
  • ‘safe spaces’ in the context of debating at universities
  • marshmallows
  • anyone who phones me when I’m eating
  • rain delays at the cricket
  • people who call me ‘mate’
  • anyone who believes in telling the complete truth in all situations
  • heavily-tinted car windows
  • shops/cafes/restaurants that tell me they’d love to allow Dog into their misbegotten emporium but it’s against the law…IT IS NOT!

I think I may have gone off topic slightly. But then so did the Blanched Bigot – please don’t think I have anything against JR-M apart from all his appalling opinions on issues such as gay rights and abortion amongst others. Enough. Here’s an image or three from the garden. If Hell is approaching in its handcart as it does rather feel, then at least I have some blossoms to enjoy…

About TanGental

My name is Geoff Le Pard. Once I was a lawyer; now I am a writer. I've published four books - Dead Flies and Sherry Trifle, My Father and Other Liars, Salisbury Square and Buster & Moo. In addition I have published three anthologies of short stories and a memoir of my mother. More will appear soon. I will try and continue to blog regularly at geofflepard.com about whatever takes my fancy. I hope it does yours too. These are my thoughts and no one else is to blame. If you want to nab anything I post, please acknowledge where it came from.
This entry was posted in thought piece and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

48 Responses to Life, Times, Rants #grumble #whinge

  1. Beautiful sunflower!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. tidalscribe says:

    Gardens are officially protected ( under EU regulations ) sanctuaries from real life. I do not need to do karmic yogic pilates for calm, I just go in my little garden. Phrases that I would ban? ‘You Guys’ – as I’m not a guy no one should be calling me that and certainly not son no. 1 or grandaughter. Though I do like Guy as a Christain name and wanted to call said son that, but Cyberspouse said it wouldn’t go with our surname…

    Liked by 1 person

  3. trifflepudling says:

    I have a list (not had time to laminate it yet)! Included are
    “Bored of”
    “I was sat…”
    For e.g.: “6 a.m. in the morning” (when is anything a.m. not in the morning?!) Goes for p.m. too.
    Newsreaders and Sky cricket pundits standing up
    Microsoft Teams and Yammer currently being imposed on us at work (grrr)
    I was wondering yesterday if they were going to change the cricket fielding position “Third Man” to something neutral for women’s matches…

    Liked by 2 people

  4. willowdot21 says:

    I agree with all of those you have mentioned above. I have to admit you would have to snatch my eldest in the chops, he calls everyone mate..which makes me cringe!
    May I add:
    At the end of the day.
    Innit, inserted all over the place.
    People who say you look well when I am on my last legs.
    Incorrectly used apostrophes.
    People who say don’t tell a soul, if it’s not for public knowledge don’t tell me. Sadly I have used that one myself but it puts the pressure on.
    Gotcha
    The Royal we.
    Jobs worths of any kind
    And probably many many more. 💜

    Liked by 2 people

  5. willowdot21 says:

    Sorry one hand typing getting the better of me, I meant you would have to punch my eldest son in the chops.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Please add to the list “Great Post.” Unless, of course, you’re rather partial to taking photos of garden posts, post boxes or telegraph poles.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Lost for “acceptable” words 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  8. The Northern Hemisphere has gone to hell in a handbasket it seems. I guess we’ll follow along, we usually do. Not joining the list thing, once started never ended

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Elizabeth says:

    Cisgender and gender fluid go on mine. I enjoy your sunflowers since a woodchuck devoured all of mine this summer.

    Liked by 1 person

  10. JT Twissel says:

    That’s some list – marshmallows? As in the Stay Puff Marshmallow Man? I don’t like it when young tradesmen my grandson’s age say “Hello Beautiful.” I have to hold myself back from saying “What do you want you shitty little slime ball? and hitting him with my cane.” I worked for Manufacturers Life Insurance during the time they decided to “rebrand” themselves because people always referred to the company as ManuLife. But they couldn’t quite go with FemuLife, WomuLife or PeopleuLife so they dropped the whole idea after spending millions on a consultant who specialized in such things. Silly!

    Liked by 1 person

  11. arlingwoman says:

    Beautiful sunflowers–and that’s a darn nice bouquet as well. The only thing that makes me truly irritated about bad language use is wrong words. I hear people saying something “mitigates against” something. Gaaaa. They mean militates against. Mitigation eases. I go into a frenzy of righteousness each time…

    Liked by 1 person

  12. Norah says:

    ‘Tis blooming grand. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  13. You grumpy, old man. I’ll split infinitives and makeup in public as the polished turd deems necessary!!

    (Actually, I agree with at least half of your complaints.)

    Liked by 2 people

  14. He he, I don’t agree with many of Rees-Mogg’s strictures* (who calls people Esq?) but one that I do like is that organisations are singular. They might be composed of many people but they should take a singular verb.

    *I don’t agree with all of yours either, come to that!

    Liked by 1 person

    • TanGental says:

      I agree it’s not that i don’t disagree with some. But what a patronising pillock to assume your civil service staff need telling. Any way it stimulated a post so it’s not all bad

      Liked by 1 person

  15. Seems to me that the garden is the best place to be when Hell arrives because then you can offer something more lovely to be toted around in the handcart…

    Liked by 1 person

  16. Charli Mills says:

    Well, Geoffrey, I take your list as a challenge to play with runny custard while performing mascara with an illegal dog on the tube. Like, is there a connection between dissing the word “moist” and heavily tinted car windows? Are tints okay on big SUVs? You know, the FBI needs some privacy, mate! As long as they aren’t delaying with rain the most boring sport on earth (you know I meant golf). My attempt here is to be a rebellious American in 99 words so I will cut out now while we are still friends. Oops! Four short. There…

    Liked by 1 person

  17. Rowena says:

    I feel like I’ve slumped into a state of unrattled sloth lately. Nothing bothers me on the language front. Well, when I thought about it further, spelling mistakes annoy me and how my WordPress assumes I’m American and flags my English as mistakes. It annoys me when certain interest groups take over something and claim it as their own. Pink here is now for breast cancer and rainbows have been taken over by the LGBTQI community. I agree with their cause but as a survivor myself rainbows resonated with me in a deeply personal way because you need sun and rain to create a rainbow and my life is not all dark dreary gray. I’m also annoyed that an American company registered the name Ugg Boots in America and Australian companies can’t sell uggs over there.
    So, I guess I’m not as chilled as I thought.
    Best wishes,
    Ro

    Liked by 1 person

  18. “Runny Custard”, nothing wrong with runny custard so long as it’s with the correct pudding. Yes thick custard is naturally preferable and I even, dare I say, partial to a nice think skin on my custard. Everything is better with custard. It’s an antidepressant, it’s comforting and it’s celebratory and with the right fruit pudding, crumble or pie it’s one of your five a day. Nom……..

    Liked by 1 person

  19. hahahahah – “neutralising of words for their perceived gender bias” hahahahah
    Man! (opps) I’m really sick of this too.
    But, in the UK what do you use the word “Elevator” for. Maybe, it’s he (opps – damn!) who promotes another. . .
    I’m so confused. . .

    Like

Leave a Reply to willowdot21 Cancel reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.