Shoes Have No Soul

I bought new shoes for the forthcoming nuptials. Brown lace ups from Sons of London, an online emporia of gentlemen’s shoddery. This was under instruction from the happy couple to ensure I am fully compliant with the tonal requirements of the big day.

They look nice, these shoes. All shiny and brown. Like a highly polished… Anyway, when I put them on they feel fine. Okay. Alright. But, you know, untried.

There is one month to go and I look at these two puppies and wonder what to do with them. I’ve not had many issues with breaking in new footwear, certainly not in the last thirty years. There’s a Tony Hancock sketch, where he joins the police force. He complains about the uniform but is especially scathing about the standard issue boots.

‘But they don’t bend!’ Our hero complains.

‘But your feet do. Now put them on.’

That’s pretty much been my lot. My feet accommodate shoes with the feeble minded sycophancy of the political researcher promised an internship.

But can I trust to history here? The shoes will go on at about 11am on the day and are unlikely to be allowed to go to their bed until over twelve hours later. They and my feet will have the same intimate relationship that a chrysalis has with its case.

What to do? Begin to wear them around the house? Take them for a walk? My fear here is my innate levels of incompetence, the inevitability I will scuff these little treasures and have to face the ignominy of a bridal scowl.

But not to at least share a little time together, to bond, sock to sole. is also a recipe for disaster if, after an hour or so I’m hobbled. After all I’ve spent decades perfecting my dad-dancing just for this day.

It could be this event amongst events is scrambling my perspective. It’s hot here right now, 35C and heading up. Sandals not shoes are the order of the day. I think I’ll hire a scooter or maybe a wheelchair as back up…

…in brown of course.

About TanGental

My name is Geoff Le Pard. Once I was a lawyer; now I am a writer. I've published four books - Dead Flies and Sherry Trifle, My Father and Other Liars, Salisbury Square and Buster & Moo. In addition I have published three anthologies of short stories and a memoir of my mother. More will appear soon. I will try and continue to blog regularly at geofflepard.com about whatever takes my fancy. I hope it does yours too. These are my thoughts and no one else is to blame. If you want to nab anything I post, please acknowledge where it came from.
This entry was posted in humour, memories, miscellany, thought piece, weddings and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink.

52 Responses to Shoes Have No Soul

  1. Ooo, they are nice looking! I’d definitely wear them around the house a bit. Congrats on the upcoming day–and dad-dancing. I look forward to seeing pics!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. willowdot21 says:

    Love the shoes Geoff. I do hope those photos do not show those said shoes on the table! I don’t know about your mum but mine would be spinning in her grave ” New shoes on the table..arrrrgh! Bad luck”
    Personally I think to avoid any problems wear them around bthe house to break them in ๐Ÿ’œ๐Ÿ’œ๐Ÿ’œ

    Like

  3. Definitely wear them around the house and whilst sitting watching television or something else where no physical activity is required and the heat from your feet will help to soften them. I would also wear them briefly outside to scuff the bottoms, perhaps a rehearsal for some dad dancing will help I find the twist usually works wonders, after all new leather shoes can be quite slippery when new. It’s all well and good taking to the dance floor for some dad dancing but one doesn’t want to shoot across the floor in the style of Torville and Dean, in some circles that would be considered showing off and in bad taste. Good luck with them they look splendid.

    Liked by 2 people

  4. A handsome pair of shoes, Geoff! Breaking them in during a twelve-hour wedding celebration can sure spell disaster. It’s no easy thing to keep smiling when one’s feet are screaming for release.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. My sister also insisted on brown shoes for the gents (bridal party) for her wedding. And blue dresses for the women. She wanted a colour palette. I though it was ridiculous and I never saw any photographs at the end of the day anyway.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. I always break mine in around the house first. ๐Ÿ‘ž

    Like

  7. Would you mind awfully taking your lovely shoes off the table? My mother too will be turning in her grave. As a fellow new-shoe-wearer of late, I have advice. It is as follows:

    Remove any sticky labels from the underside.
    Wear them in the sitting room, lots.
    Do not wear them in the bathroom or the kitchen, you will spill something on them.
    Invest in shoe trees and good polish. Then use both trees and polish.
    Take them out for a little walk, most days.
    Avoid dogs and small children.
    Take compeed plasters with you, everywhere.
    Wear socks without holes in for the big day so that if you end up having to take the wretchedly painful shoes off, at least you will have cute feet.

    Hope this helps.
    Katie ๐Ÿค”

    Like

  8. Suck it up Mr LePard sir, get those babies on your feet and get those feet awalking’. Twelve hours in untried shoes is a disaster waiting to happen. (What if you get the new leather squeak as you parade down the aisle?) You also risk doing a grand impression of grandad on the skids when you get up to do the father of the bride waltz and that probably will go viral and ruin your urbane man about London image altogether. The leather must be loosened a tad, the soles scuffed a little and the fotB must be fully confident of remaining upright at all times and comfortable in his chosen apparel. So you probably also need to don the suit, top hat and etc for a few days of solitary bending, swaying and slow marching practise just to be sure……..

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Iโ€™m told a good way to soften leather is to pee on it – and, no, I havenโ€™t tried it.

    Liked by 1 person

  10. Ritu says:

    Oh the dilemma of a real LIFE FOF!

    Liked by 1 person

  11. If they came with shoe bags just put them on and put the shoe bag over them. Be careful on the wooden floors but you will get at least one walk around the block and no scuffing.

    Liked by 1 person

  12. JT Twissel says:

    I’ve never understood formal weddings but then I got married in a raincoat, wearing tennis shoes. Can you find a pair of slippers that look the same as formal shoes – I doubt after 12 hours anyone is going to pay close attention to your feet unless of course there’s some kind of best looking shoes contest at the reception. I’m not suggesting you start a tradition mind you…… After the wedding, go on vacation to a place that is shoes optional.

    Liked by 1 person

  13. trifflepudling says:

    Agree with some of above. Deffo change them after the photos – and carry some plasters in your pocket!
    Beautiful shoes, seems a shame to wear them at all!
    Hope all the celebrations go well when they arrive. Aw, proud parents, eh. Sniff!

    Liked by 1 person

  14. I would take your shoes out for a day to test them before the big day. But be so careful to treat them with the care they deserve as they are a very nice pair indeed. ๐Ÿ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

  15. Sandals with socks should obtain results

    Liked by 1 person

  16. Bamba says:

    Quite simpleโ€ฆ nice shoes, wear them in around the house, give them a polish to add some moisture into the leather too.

    Oh, and buy some Compeed stuff for your feet on the day.

    Liked by 1 person

  17. Jennie says:

    Wear them a bit in the house. They are handsome!

    Liked by 1 person

  18. Elizabeth says:

    Those toes are very narrow and pointed. Perhaps they would fit a leprechaun, otherwise they don’t look anatomically correct! Good luck getting your toes squished into them.

    Like

  19. Pam Lazos says:

    Oh my gosh, I hate the uncomfortable shoe!

    Like

  20. Widdershins says:

    They’re gorgeous, but definitely, definitely wear them in first, and if you scuff them, well that’s why boot polish was invented. ๐Ÿ˜€

    Liked by 1 person

  21. Darlene says:

    A fab looking pair of shoes. Everyone else has given good advice. You do need to wear them a bit before the day or you will be sorry. But if they are good British leather, they should be just fine. You will look dapper from head to toe.

    Liked by 1 person

  22. Norah says:

    Nice shoes, Geoff. I’m sure it won’t hurt (hopefully) to wear them in a bit around the house. It wouldn’t be fun to not be able to dance on the day.

    Liked by 1 person

  23. You got all day in those and probably expected to dance in them too! I do hope you’ve worn them around the house. Nice shoes though!

    Liked by 1 person

  24. machinshinn says:

    They look great. I’ve purchased from Sons of London before and love them. Top notch shoes

    Liked by 1 person

If you would like to reply please do so here

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.