It’ll Be A Blast, Mr. President #writephoto

Posted on May 31, 2019 by TanGental

‘It’ll Be A Blast, Mr President.’

‘Yes, Mr. President, we’re sure you’ll like this one. It plays to all your particular preju… policies as well as achieving the Ultimate Goal.’

‘The UG? You sure, Rumpled? You know what happens when you get my hopes up?’

‘Yes Sir Mr President. The First Lady has made it plain we must never get your hopes up, without her being given at least a week’s notice.’

‘She’s on side?’

‘We haven’t seen her face move with so much animation, since they stopped the 2for1 Botox home preparation kit offer at Walmart last Fall.’

‘All right Rumpled. Give me the headlines. And no details. You know what happened when you last gave me the details?’

‘Twitter blocked you, Sir, because they assumed your account had been hacked in the light of the tweet contained more than 280 characters and their algorithms showed it couldn’t be you?’

‘Not that one. No, the town hall meeting in Moron. The locals thought I’d been abducted aliens. Again.’

‘Embarrassing, Sir.’

‘Worse than that. They began discussing whether an alien would make a better President.’

‘We did do a focus group on the best mix of types for the perfect candidate Sir. Did you see the paper?’

‘No? Was I on it?’

‘Back to the matter in hand, the proposal Sir. Can I run through it?’

‘Sure. And it achieves the UG?’

‘Sure does. So, we thought, what will make China back off their aggressive expansionist policies, scare the bejeebers out of Kim Ul Suc, make you look like a warmongering zealot without any US casualties and achieve the UG?’

‘Go on. My hopes are rising and I hate wasting a rising hope.’

‘Nuclear war. See, hear me out, Sir. We have all these weapons that cost a fortune to keep safe, and think of all that land that could be repurposed as a hotel and golf resort if you got rid of the rockets. The course would be so radioactive, you’d not need to light it for 24/7 rounds. So we take the minutemen, blast a couple of islands in the South China Sea and then offer to stop if they wipe the deficit and bingo. We’ve done some mock ups of what it will look like from the shore. It’s very…’

‘Aromatic.’

‘Yes, that works, Sir. What do you think?’

‘Good, But where’s the UG In all this?’

‘Ah Yes. That’s the neat part. To show your core support, who let’s face it need a good piccy of you pushing the button if they’re going to believe you did it and it’s not fake news, you need to be near the action. I’ve spoken to the science guys and they say they can get you inside a couple of miles. At the given moment you whip off your shades and shirt and they guarantee you will be as orange as an, well orange for the rest of your life.’

‘Really? Guaranteed?’

‘Totally.’

‘And The First Lady bought the idea.’

‘Totally Sir. When we explained the detail she said she was prepared to allow your hopes to rise as many times as you like after the tanning session and while the colour lasts.’

‘She knows that’s the rest of my life?’

‘She was very interested in all the details, Sir.’

‘Good. Let’s do it. Oh and Rumpled, did they say what my life expectancy would be?

‘A range sir. Twenty to thirty.’

‘Really?’

‘Oh Yes. All the staff are very excited. They’re counting the minutes until you implement the plan.’

‘Counting the minutes eh?’

‘Yes sir. As the Veep said, everyone will be counting the minutes if this goes off.’

‘Geez I never knew I was so popular.’

‘Indeed sir.’

This was written in response to Sue Vincent’s latest #writephoto prompt

About TanGental

My name is Geoff Le Pard. Once I was a lawyer; now I am a writer. I've published several books: a four book series following Harry Spittle as he grows from hapless student to hapless partner in a London law firm; four others in different genres; a book of poetry; four anthologies of short fiction; and a memoir of my mother. I have several more in the pipeline. I have been blogging regularly since 2014, on topic as diverse as: poetry based on famous poems; memories from my life; my garden; my dog; a whole variety of short fiction; my attempts at baking and food; travel and the consequent disasters; theatre, film and book reviews; and the occasional thought piece. Mostly it is whatever takes my fancy. I avoid politics, mostly, and religion, always. I don't mean to upset anyone but if I do, well, sorry and I suggest you go elsewhere. These are my thoughts and no one else is to blame. If you want to nab anything I post, please acknowledge where it came from.

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