The Secret Diary Of A First Time FOF; part nine

Posted on May 7, 2019 by

This is entirely fiction. Completely. Utterly. Except for any true bits

July 10th. While at morning ablutions, am told cake designer due at 10am and I will ‘entertain’ her until First Born and First Of Her Name return from the latest session with wedding designer – some issue involving lace and what I understand to be some emergency escape arrangement. ‘Don’t upset her.’

10am. Worryingly slight woman appears with trolley of Tupperware. ‘I’m the cake designer’. How can she make cakes and stay so slim?

10.05am. Life is on an uptick. Tupperware contain samples of possible cake types and am offered opportunity to taste. Worry that First Of Her Name might not approve but am assured will be okay.

10.10am Am aware of kerfuffle, while in kitchen making coffee. Find cake designer and family dog, Spiro Agnew in standoff over cake slice that Spiro Agnew appears to have sequestered to himself.

10.12am Cake designer desperately trying to make Spiro Agnew vomit; said cake slice contains twenty-seven percent currants. Spiro Agnew thinks is a good game. Cake designer mortified that Spiro Agnew will die. Try to reassure her Spiro Agnew is a robust cross breed – a PooRot Poodle-Rottweiler cross. As explaining Spiro Agnew vomits into Tupperware.

10.30am. Much relief all round. Sit in garden with cake designer over coffee while watching unaffected dog bury unidentified item of clothing next to petunias. Fiancé appears, for cake decision. Suggest he goes and looks at samples.

10.40am. First Of Her Name, First Born and Fiancé join us in garden. Realise Fiancé is spooning cake vomit from Tupperware into mouth with gusto. Hurriedly stand between Fiancé and cake designer while making two mental notes, viz:

1. I no longer have any fears that he will cope with marriage to First Born if he can ingest regurgitated cake; and

2. we need to go to the pub as soon as possible.

About TanGental

My name is Geoff Le Pard. Once I was a lawyer; now I am a writer. I've published four books - Dead Flies and Sherry Trifle, My Father and Other Liars, Salisbury Square and Buster & Moo. In addition I have published three anthologies of short stories and a memoir of my mother. More will appear soon. I will try and continue to blog regularly at geofflepard.com about whatever takes my fancy. I hope it does yours too. These are my thoughts and no one else is to blame. If you want to nab anything I post, please acknowledge where it came from.
This entry was posted in fiction, humour, miscellany and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

43 Responses to The Secret Diary Of A First Time FOF; part nine

  1. Mary Smith says:
    May 7, 2019 at 1:49 pm

    Eeurgh! Cake vomit 😦

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
  2. John W. Howell says:
    May 7, 2019 at 3:00 pm

    Could expect fiance to attack a bowl of gruel without a thought. LOL Geoff.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
  4. arlingwoman says:
    May 7, 2019 at 4:08 pm

    has any dog ever vomited into a receptacle? that part has to be fiction. LOL.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
  5. willowdot21 says:
    May 7, 2019 at 5:03 pm

    Poor fiancé , but I agree it sounds like he will manage to party all that first born and life can throw at him! By the sound of Spiro Agnew it will take more than large helping of currents to dispatch him. A PooRot , cookapoo, sprocket, chowrussel they were all Hienz 57s in my day!
    Did you get to the pub ? 💜

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
  6. Ritu says:
    May 7, 2019 at 5:44 pm

    I’m taking from this that the pub is extremely important for a FOF!

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
  7. Darlene says:
    May 7, 2019 at 7:03 pm

    OMG! Love the dog part especially.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
  8. thecontentedcrafter says:
    May 7, 2019 at 8:07 pm

    Oh yech – yuck – yikes……… but, Spiro Agnew 😀 😀 😀

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
  9. derrickjknight says:
    May 8, 2019 at 10:35 am

    Am I to infer that you have been entrusted with the cake selection?

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
  10. Pam Lazos says:
    May 8, 2019 at 11:52 pm

    I’m dying over here!!😂😂😂

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
  11. Norah says:
    May 13, 2019 at 11:30 am

    Eeeeew! Do not like! Dog vomit.

    Like

    Reply
  12. samfiftysomething says:
    May 23, 2019 at 9:51 am

    The pub’s doing a great trade due to this wedding! My jaw aches!

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

If you would like to reply please do so here

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

Gravatar
WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. ( Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. ( Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. ( Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. ( Log Out /  Change )

Cancel

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.