This is entirely fiction. Completely. Utterly. Except for any true bits
June 13th: Visit the chosen venue. Palladium columns at entrance, fresco pained on ceiling in reception. The place oozes class and old money, clearly kept afloat by new money: viz, mine. Have to sit down. Offered glass of water.
Discussion with venue manager over numbers they can accommodate. Many smiles when the words ‘easily 200’ are bandied about. Have to sit again. Offered tea and biscuit ‘for the sugar’.
Catering can be provided from their own chef or they can arrange for a Michelin starred winner to be employed. If that route is chosen, a percentage uplift will be needed as a sort of chefage – like a corkage only vastly bigger. Decide it is easier if I simply stay seated. A flunky appears and offers to carry the seat ‘in case I need it again.’ Whiskey is proferred.
Find First Born in earnest discussion with First Of Her Name, while venue manager stands to one side trying not to look like a lottery winner. I don’t ask but she instantly overshares. ‘They are debating whether to allow the chef to chose the wines. Apparently he is famous for his flights.’ I overshare that I may have lost mobility as my leg function appears to have ceased. My request for ‘significant opiates’ ignored.
Flunky calls me an Uber and takes me to local pub. Phone rings. First Of Her Name asking my whereabouts. In background Flunky suggests I say we have ‘taken flight’.
I do what has enabled our 29 years of marriage to endure: I lie. Convincingly. First Of Her Name is not fooled. ‘Get back here. Now. Or you’ll be giving First Born away by video-link from rehab.’
Superb!
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Not a syllable wasted. Still chuckling (for which I should probably apologise).
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Jolly good
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Laughing too hard to respond properly.
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OO-er
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You protest too much,Sir.
I rest my case 💜
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Me!. Protest. Merely represent the challenge!
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Lol 💜
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So funny. Been there and lost the shirt.
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They grow back I believe
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They do.
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This is getting funnier by the minute, Geoff.
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Need another drink… Hypothetical of course, to go with the fictionalised not so fiction diary??
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A short snifter perhaps…
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🥃
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Hilarious. I guess I was lucky in that my children just handed me the bill.
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Ah but there wouldn’t be so much fun
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I think FoHN and FB would have been wiser than you make out here. They would have made all the arrangements without you and just told you what was happening and handed you the cheque book – and a strong, sugar laden cuppa! But your version is so much funnier so let stick with it 🙂
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I did say there was a lot of fiction here…
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OMG, I’m crying. Just brilliant.
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Thanks Pam. I’m finding a lot of material. Part 5 today and another ten written and we haven’t got to the service plans or wedding favours yet… groan, who invented wedding favours? I won’t need to make that episode up….
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I feel a book is in the making. 😉And yes, wedding favors are for the birds, unless you want to put together one of those gift bags like they do at the Oscars with Cartier watches and other such treasures. 😂🤣
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It is the current area of stress….
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😂🤣
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Well at least they appear to be looking at local venues. Here people expect all their guests to join them in the Caribbean for three days of merriment.
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I find the modern way with stag and hen parties flying off to European capitals incomprehensible. Back in the day it was an evening in a pub.
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We bumped into groups of bridesmaids on our trip last week. Crazy.
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I seriously don’t know how they afford them
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Credit cards!
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Apart from credit cards.
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Just too funny!!!
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