Still At It After All This Years

I was accused the other day of ‘still being a lawyer’ even though my official retirement from that career was six years ago. I gave it some thought and realised the evidence is plain. Here are 15 reasons why you can take the boy out of the law but never the law out of the boy.

  1. I find I still say ‘whence’ and ‘hitherto’ and ‘wherefor’ when talking to my family
  2. I cannot avoid defining things as in ‘When you say you’ll be late, what do you mean exactly?’
  3. If I buy something that has a set of terms and conditions I look at them from a distance, sigh and mumble ‘I’m sure they’ll be fine’.
  4. Then I make someone else sign the contract
  5. When I write a shopping list it has a list of exclusions on the back
  6. I insist on things being in writing: so if there’s chocolate in the fridge with no name on it, I think it’s fair to claim squatters rights since ย it obviously doesn’t belong to anyone.
  7. I can bullshit for longer and with greater fluency than all my friends save those who are also lawyers.
  8. I enjoy dressing up in gowns
  9. In any family discussion I am inclined to say, ‘But you said on the 27th March….’ and have a contemporaneous note of the conversation in my journal.
  10. I am happy using expressions like ‘contemporaneous note’ and don’t feel a dick when I do.
  11. I keep a note of how long things take to do though my attempts to introduce time sheets into our daily routine have thus far floundered.
  12. I am aghast when, having cited a clearly binding Authority, the precedent isย ignored:ย as in ‘but I always watch the rugby/cricket/football/golf on Saturdays’.
  13. I feel more comfortable if I’m allowed to include a simple errors, omissions and indemnity clause on the back of wedding presents, birthday cards and invites to dinner parties. It’s like checking the tyre pressures before a long journey.
  14. Like well trained members of the judiciary, I have the ability to sleep while appearing to be awake.
  15. I can be utterly convincing on all subjects (save incest and Morris Dancing) even though I know absolutely nothing about them.

I expect everyone will laugh at this; after all most people do these things anyway, don’t they? I mean, I’m not that odd.

About TanGental

My name is Geoff Le Pard. Once I was a lawyer; now I am a writer. I've published four books - Dead Flies and Sherry Trifle, My Father and Other Liars, Salisbury Square and Buster & Moo. In addition I have published three anthologies of short stories and a memoir of my mother. More will appear soon. I will try and continue to blog regularly at geofflepard.com about whatever takes my fancy. I hope it does yours too. These are my thoughts and no one else is to blame. If you want to nab anything I post, please acknowledge where it came from.
This entry was posted in humour, law and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

40 Responses to Still At It After All This Years

  1. Ritu says:

    And I’m sure all would agree, we’d not change you one bit!

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Jennie says:

    Delightful post, Geoff!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Paula Light says:

    I especially like how you redacted number 16. ๐Ÿ˜‚

    Liked by 1 person

  4. You stand alone, Geoff. By alone I mean with the particular habits and idiosyncrasies that make unique. By unique, I am, of course, referring to a single exclusion from a generality. By generality, I am, of course, referring to a broad statement that oversimplifies the subject or subjects contain therein. Super post. By super, I mean excellent.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. ๐Ÿ˜€ ๐Ÿ˜€ ๐Ÿ˜€ And I just found out I could have been a lawyer but failed at #4 and probably also #16 because I never know when to stop……….

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Elizabeth says:

    I am the daughter of an attorney and know of what you write.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. … and I married one in the making only to have her make her escape early to raise the kids after she saw what that world was really like. It proved to be a better option anyway, but there are habits that persist.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Norah says:

    Very clever, Geoff.

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Haha! Very funny. Number 14 is my favorite. Once a lawyer, always a lawyer.

    Liked by 1 person

  10. I would hope you don’t feel a dick whatever expression you use

    Liked by 1 person

  11. willowdot21 says:

    No Geoff you are not odd at all. Intact hubby is very much the same especially with the infamous contemporaneous notes. You did forget one point of law all Cows and Horses and possibly mules and Donkeys must have exclusion orders on them as far as you or I for that matter are concerned. ๐Ÿคญ๐Ÿ’œ

    Liked by 2 people

  12. Ha, I love this. Ah, we parents of young children do a lot of precedent setting and warning the partner not to do the precedent setting. No candy before dinner, no video games weekdays. Oh no, now, he’ll think this is the rule of law!

    Liked by 1 person

  13. Widdershins says:

    Oh dear, unfortunately I think you still have lawyeritis. ๐Ÿ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

  14. I especially admire the shopping list with the list of exclusions on the back. May have to start doing that myself… ๐Ÿ˜‰

    Liked by 1 person

  15. noelleg44 says:

    Umm, err, I beg to differ. You are that unique!

    Liked by 1 person

If you would like to reply please do so here

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.