If You Want To Get Ahead….

It is a fact, sad or otherwise that these days I am follicly challenged.

I have perhaps grown too far upwards, experiencing the human equivalent of the tree line on mountains, above which hair will not grow.

Some suggest it is an excess of manliness…

Or erudition…

Or shit genetics.

The fact remains that where once I was topped by a luxurious mane, of which many larger felines would have been proud…

I now sport nothing so much as a solar panel for a sex god.

And of course, said sparkling pate attracts more than its fair share of ultraviolet light leading me to a habit which, in my younger years I forswore readily but now I embrace with, if not total enthusiasm then at least a reluctant acceptance.

Namely the desporting of a hat. I am to be forever more be-chapeaued.

Here are a selection of the bonnets de jour that I have worn in the last several years.

So the question that occurs is which one should be in use for the Vet’s wedding later this year? Suits are being chosen and I know I will be made into a ‘Dapper Dad for the Day’ by the expedient of cunning highlighting and the use of innumerable distraction techniques.

But what of the top knot? What should be the winning entry?

I rather thought I’d sourced something suitable this last week but apparently something wasn’t quite right…

So good people, which would you recommend; your choices will of course be given fair consideration even if the final decision will lie with the Star Chamber namely the Vet and The Textiliste….

About TanGental

My name is Geoff Le Pard. Once I was a lawyer; now I am a writer. I've published four books - Dead Flies and Sherry Trifle, My Father and Other Liars, Salisbury Square and Buster & Moo. In addition I have published three anthologies of short stories and a memoir of my mother. More will appear soon. I will try and continue to blog regularly at geofflepard.com about whatever takes my fancy. I hope it does yours too. These are my thoughts and no one else is to blame. If you want to nab anything I post, please acknowledge where it came from.
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62 Responses to If You Want To Get Ahead….

  1. Ritu says:

    You kill me!
    Maybe I should get Pops to tie you a turban 👳

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Paula Light says:

    Maybe one of those Viking helmets with braids… looks dapper with a tux! 😎

    Liked by 1 person

  3. You’ve many creative solutions, but I’m sure your options will be capped at something more formal than discarded sorts equipment.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. If you are wearing a Tux, I would go with a fedora a la Bogart.

    Liked by 2 people

  5. Don’t Englishmen wear bowler hats, Geoff. Tradition! Tradition!

    Liked by 2 people

  6. Bryntin says:

    Top hat with the tux, it’s the only way. Probably need to borrow a surname off someone to hyphenate so you qualify for wearing it though… although having a ‘Le’ is close, it’s not close enough.

    Like

  7. I had to laugh. My son has had a chrome top since his late 30’s and my brother since 20’s. Hats are vital and you have quite the collection here. I’d avoid the red stocking cap as it turns the rest of your wardrobe to stone. Not sporting for a wedding. I think it’s time to do that awful thing called “shopping” and find a dapper dress hat. Since I had to start wearing hats 8 years ago, I have a good dozen so there is a hat for every occasion in most colors I need. I love my hats now. If it must be, play it up. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  8. I vote for the ones you’re wearing while gardening and at the beach. Maybe it’s actually those activities, themselves, that I like the best?

    Liked by 1 person

  9. lydiaschoch says:

    I can’t stop chuckling at this post. Maybe you should wear the flowers as your wedding hat. Ha!

    Liked by 2 people

  10. Oh please, please, please go with the floral chapeau – but maybe forswear the napkin unless dribbling is likely to occur…………. Failing that I feel either a top hat or bowler might be the thing according to the formality of the celebration. You would certainly look most dapper!

    Liked by 2 people

  11. I thought the cell tower rather fetching, but it might be too ostentatious, as you are not supposed to be the center of attention (or telecommunications) at this event.
    Then again, the floral crown seems more in keeping with the theme of the day…will this be an outdoor event? If not, I think your natural pate (such as it may be glimpsed in photos here and there) both dignified and becoming, and thus quite fitting to the occasion.

    Like

  12. Darlene says:

    You look very dapper in all your hats and caps. My dad also had a healthy head of hair in his youth but as long as I knew him, he had a shiny dome. Consequently, he wore a cowboy hat all the time. He had a white Stetson for dressy times, a grey one for casual times and a straw cowboy hat for working on the farm. Not sure if a Stetson would work for a British wedding but I think you would look great in one.

    Like

  13. I like the flowers myself, but then you don’t want to upstage the bride.
    Depends on the rest of your outfit/attire Geoff. Definitely something with a rim…….

    Liked by 1 person

  14. How hilarious, Geoff! What about a Stetson Temple felt men’s dress hat. It has a flair that goes well with your personality?

    Liked by 1 person

  15. willowdot21 says:

    No doubt sir you will be hat less for the ceremony…that being the fashion. Unless of course your are going for top hat and tails!

    Liked by 1 person

  16. Elizabeth says:

    Since she is a vet, maybe you should have an animal themed hat. Antlers perhaps?

    Liked by 1 person

  17. Mary Smith says:

    I don’t think you need give the problem a second’s consideration as it’s a decision which will most certainly be made on your behalf by those who know best!

    Liked by 1 person

  18. Truly a milliner’s delight

    Liked by 1 person

  19. Norah says:

    Hilarious, Geoff. I think you must have grown too tall for your hair! But you’re not the only one I know.
    I think of all your hats, I like the flowers best. I hope you get a new hat to match your dapper outfit. I’m declining to vote on one of these, but I’m looking forward to seeing what you choose.

    Liked by 1 person

  20. Widdershins says:

    A tall shiny silk top-hat, perhaps electric blue? 😀

    Liked by 1 person

  21. I love all the hats, especially the straw toppers in spring. You do you, Geoff!

    Liked by 1 person

  22. I think a selection is the order of the day, worn one atop the other. So perhaps starting with the largest, possibly a top hat or Stetson; and each hour you may remove one thereby revealing your next milliner’s delight. The very last one will have to be extremely small, my suggestion would be a swimming cap of the ladies flowery variety (circa 1940’s). If nothing else, you will entertain all and sundry, and the photographs will be magnificent. Katie

    Like

    • TanGental says:

      Thank you Katie. A splendid idea. A sort of russian doll meets millinery. As for channelling my inner Esther Williams that’s a thought. Mind you i do wonder if ill overheat. Maybe as we wave the happy couple away i could rip off said swimming cap and the static electricity could be channelled to ignite the confetti. It might save on fireworks

      Like

  23. M’lord would look positively dashing in a traditional top hat or derby, but do avoid upstaging the bride with anything that might cause awe by selecting a non-traditional color that painfully contrasts with all the colors worn by the bridesmaids. Rutabaga Red comes to mind.

    Liked by 1 person

  24. noelleg44 says:

    I like the hat you are wearing in the garden! What a selection of chapeux! or is it chapeauses? My French is atrocious. I must say I rather like the lack of follicles. You have matured (or as my husband says manured) well! Anyway, it’s hair today and gone tomorrow.

    Liked by 1 person

  25. Since you have opened the door to this piece of evidence… I am going to change your photograph in the post to the one of your with flowers in your hair and ears… sorry but there is no way I am letting you get away with that!! hugs

    Liked by 1 person

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