Being Royal Can Be Normal #shortfiction

‘Hello,I… Oh My God!’ Jemima Preston took a step back. ‘Are you…? I mean… Him?’

The balding, smiling man nodded, ‘Yep. William Windsor. You were expecting me? Odd Jobs For Normal People.’

‘Well, yes, I suppose. I did book for someone to come round only… Not you.’ Jemima felt her knees flex and she stumbled forward. As he caught her, she apologised.

‘No sweat. Happens all the time. Involuntary curtsying. Can’t be helped. They say it’s hardwired. So,’ he picked up the bucket, ‘where so I start?’

‘Sorry?’

‘The note said cleaning? You’re expecting a cleaner?’

‘Yes… But…’

‘Then shall we?’

‘But you’re, you know,’ she glanced at her neighbour’s window, ‘royal.’ She added with a giggle, glancing at his head. ‘The heir.’

‘I wish.’ William brushed his sparse lock back in place. “Kate wanted me to use this gubbins Dad has made from peonies and ground commoners but it smells like Harry after a kebab binge. Anyhoo, what’s first?’

Jemima didn’t know what to do so showed him through to the kitchen. ‘Maybe the washing up?’

William looked disappointed. ‘No blocked drains? Kiddies’ vomit’ He looked serious. ‘Thing is granny’s getting a bit cranky… you know the sort of thing – “in my day we understood what the peeps were going through, the Blitz, blah blah”, so Katie-poos said we should all do a sort of Bob a Job thingummy, get down with the masses. One is a bit lacking when it comes to u-bends and boiling hankies so it’s learning as we go, wot? If there’s something really horrible, let me at it.’ He held up his pink-gloved hands.

‘I don’t know. It really doesn’t seem right, giving menial work to one of you.’

‘No, really. I insist. I can throw you in the Tower if that would help.’

‘Can you?’

‘Don’t see why not. Still, you sure you’ve nothing more than washing up?’

You sure?’

‘Course.’

‘Ok. If you go through there, you’ll find four sets of sick-stained sheets and two boots covered in dog-dirt.’

‘Marvellous.’ To Jemima’s surprise, William spun on his heel and headed for the front door.

She said, ‘Aren’t you going to sort it out?’

He nodded. ‘I’ll have my people here in a jiffy. Wouldn’t want to make a mess on my first day.’

About TanGental

My name is Geoff Le Pard. Once I was a lawyer; now I am a writer. I've published four books - Dead Flies and Sherry Trifle, My Father and Other Liars, Salisbury Square and Buster & Moo. In addition I have published three anthologies of short stories and a memoir of my mother. More will appear soon. I will try and continue to blog regularly at geofflepard.com about whatever takes my fancy. I hope it does yours too. These are my thoughts and no one else is to blame. If you want to nab anything I post, please acknowledge where it came from.
This entry was posted in flash fiction, humour, short story and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

33 Responses to Being Royal Can Be Normal #shortfiction

  1. Good ole Will. Such a doer.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Loved this the first time I read it. For last year’s Bloggers Bash competition?

    Liked by 2 people

  3. Roberta Eaton says:

    Well, his heart’s in the right place.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Loving the ‘sparse lock’ I think perhaps even that has gone now?

    Like

  5. Ritu says:

    Excellent!

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Elizabeth says:

    Loved the surprise ending. You got me this time!

    Liked by 1 person

  7. willowdot21 says:

    Great revamp Geoff. Just one thing. Should the ‘would ‘ at the beginning of the last sentence be a wouldn’t.
    💜💜💜💜

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Reblogged this on DSM Publications and commented:
    Check out Being Royal Can Be Normal by Geoff Le Pard from this post on his blog.

    Liked by 1 person

  9. I’ve read this somewhere before…

    Liked by 1 person

    • TanGental says:

      I used a story that I wrote as part of last years bloggers bash competition promotion as the base so that might be where…. if i think I can improve it I do that occasionally.

      Liked by 1 person

      • And here I thought you were just being lazy. 😉

        My mind can’t remember things like where we went for last anniversary but perks right up over repeated things.

        Like

      • TanGental says:

        Entirely fair. I try to avoid the temptation to repeat much but I do use a rewriting once in a while. Hopefully I don’t repeat in my new stories as well. Time to stop if I do…

        Liked by 1 person

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