Chelsea Owens has this thing, about terrible poetry. Here are two. Last week she wanted a rewritten popular song with a satirical edge so, well, Lucy In The Sky with Diamonds has been mullered as requested. 

This week it’s a moral tale. 

So first up, here’s the proper version of LS in the D so you can earworm the tune and then , off you go, karaoke my oeuvre… you know you want to…

Position yourself on the left of the centre

A democrat with a glint in the eye

Make a friend with a tea party member

Who’s more interested in the How than the Why.

Set up a committee to debate the issues

That matter to ordinary men on the bus.

Given them a budget to commission reporting

And let them know you don’t want a fuss.

Technical topics are always banned

They’ll only go over your heads

Look instead for a popular cause like a wall

And it’s done

Nancy’s in cahoots with Donald

Nancy’s in cahoots with Donald, ah, ah

Follow them now until the election 

And watch as they build a castle of lies.

No one smiles and everything’s gone sour

And the only way out is to get high….

And then a tale with a moral…

The Moral Compass

You self selecting knowalls who like to set the standards

Are also always least inclined to put in all the hard yards.

You moralise and come to judge and put us on the spot

And tell us when to do a thing and when it’s best to not.

You never  have a shadowy doubt or moment’s indecision  

Because you clearly understand the black from white distinction.

Your word is law and handed down with absolute finality

As you set us right like simpletons with patronising clarity.

It takes a certain chutzpah to share this clear eyed confidence

And hold the line, despite attacks, with constant insouciance.

But the point you miss when your only focus is on your moral compass

Is that the world hates no one more than a moralising smart-arse.