‘Oh hello, Constable. To what… Petey, is that you? Come out from behind the policeman. What have you done this time?’
‘Been a bit of a naughty boy, I’m afraid, Mrs O’Drool.”
‘Delightful.’
‘It’s isn’t really, Mrs O’Drool. Not when you hear what he’s been up to.’
‘My name. It’s Delightful O’Drool. Please call me Delightful.’
‘Er, OK. It’s just… well…’
‘It is unusual. But I decided to keep it when I married.’
‘Why not? I mean what’s wrong with Delightful?’
‘No, O’Drool. I kept that.’
‘Oh, really?’
‘My husband’s a Sputum. We didn’t think Delightful Sputum carried the right first impression.’
‘No quite. About your son?’
‘Oh yes, sorry. What’s he done this time?’
‘He’s been in trouble before?’
‘It’s not really his fault of course but he’s young and these things happen.’
‘Things?’
‘You’re new aren’t you, er, sorry I didn’t catch your name.’
‘Constable.’
‘I understand you’re a policeman, but…’
‘My name is Constable.’
‘Constable Constable?’
‘I’m afraid so.’
‘Maybe I should use your Christian name?’
‘Doggin.’
‘Really?’
‘It’s Etruscan. My mother didn’t realise the, um connotations.’
‘Shall we stick with Constable?’
‘If you don’t mind.’
‘What’s Petey been up to? He hasn’t changed anyone?’
‘Changed?’
‘Personally I think Penelope Galeforce made a mountain out of a molehill. I agree it was unfortunate that Derek Mossblender milked her but he wasn’t to know Petey had a thing about Friesians. If she hadn’t gone wandering off, it would never have happened.’
‘You changed a woman into a cow, Petey?’
‘Well everyone has always said she’s a right cow and Petey’s always been impressionable like that. He likes a thing to be as people say it is. And my husband changed her back and Derek let her keep all her own milk which, frankly, was quite generous given the kicking she gave him.’
‘This was reported, was it?’
‘Oh yes. All magical infractions are reported to the proper authorities. Even minor turbulences.’
‘Turbulences?’
‘Quakes, eruptions, that sort of thing. You know what boys are like. They love a bit of a bang, don’t they? We’ve told him he mustn’t use lava, play tectonics at school except at break time and never try to knock over Mr Geriatric when he’s on a perambulation. It was one thing when he was constantly shape-shifting – it slowed him down – but now he’s old it’s a bit unfair.’
‘Mr Geriatric? He runs the post office and he shape-shifts?’
‘Only occasionally. It’s dreadful for his lumbago. Still you didn’t come here to discuss Old Geriatric’s posture problems, did you? What did Petey do?’
‘You see how dark it is?’
‘Now you mention it, it is a bit gloomy.’
‘He’s blocked the sun.’
‘Oh Petey, why?’
‘It’s his fault, Ma. Robin’s been grounded so I was just playing eclipses with my football while Robin unlocked his mum’s entrapment spell and this policeman appeared and told me to stop what I was doing immediately. So I did. And then he got all angry when the ball wouldn’t come down.’
‘Petey, did you leave it up there deliberately?’
‘You told me I must always do what the police tell me.’
‘I’ve also told you not to be so literal. I’m sorry, Constable, I’ll get him to take it down straight away. And you, Petey. You do exactly what he says, alright?’
‘Thank you Mrs O’Drool. Delightful. Ok, Petey, I’ll say no more this time but from now on I want you to understand I’m going to be keeping my eyes on you. I… I… What’s happening? I can’t see.’
‘Peter O’Drool you give the nice Constable his eyes back this minute or you’ll be giving a couple of litres to Vampire Relief. Please, Constable, come in and sit down. While you wrap yourself around a nice cuppa, you can tell me about yourself. Constable, Constable, you really don’t need to go quite so fast.’
This was penned in response to Diana’s March speculative fiction prompt, here. Feel free to join in. You have until the 23rd March
LOL, Loved this. Sharing on Facebook. Hope you don’t mind.
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Love you for it. Thanks
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You killed it again!
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Death comes in with the milk bottles…
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😂
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A fun write Geoff.
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It was fun to write Di. Often I’d like to keep the characters and taken them onwards
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A fine bit of light relief to throw into the mix 🙂
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Always try and lower the tone while raising a smile
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What a deranged group! Lol.
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Ah those were the days when we playfully blocked out the sun with our toys. Now it’s impossible to get the time and space for a bit of cosmic disruption
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Where do I send a donation to Vampire Relief??
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There’s a desanguination bank near you where you can make a deposit..
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Leech Bank of New England, no doubt.
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That’s the place, alongside Declotting, Missouri.
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Some names in New England would fit. There is Roast Meat Hill, for instance which sounds pretty bloody.
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Gross
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Of course there is also Satan’s Playground here.
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Why am I not surprised? Is that where you school Presidents?
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Absolutely.
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Hilarious, Geoff. I wanted so much more of these characters. I love the matter-of-fact acceptance of magic. And the names are beyond funny. Thanks so much for lightening up the day. I’ll get this set up for a reblog. Thanks so much!!
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Delighted Diana. Happy to be your unofficial prompt jester..
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Ha ha. You have the crown, Geoff.
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Very “power”ful, Geoff!
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Ah ha!
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Brilliant, loved it the name is willow, willow willers .💜
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004.5… I guess
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Indeed room number and rank 💜
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I wouldn’t describe you as rank. You’re being too harsh…
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Lol 💜 🤭
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Reblogged this on Myths of the Mirror and commented:
Ready for a laugh? Check out Geoff’s take on the prompt. 🙂 Lol
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Thanks Diana
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You’re welcome, Geoff. A great story.
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Delightfully droll!
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Thanks Jackie
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Hilarious, that was a fun read! Diana sure came up with a good image prompt this month.
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She does, doesn’t she? Glad you enjoyed it, Priscilla
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Fantastic! What fun. Lovely for a smile at the end of a workday. Thank you!
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So glad you enjoyed it
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It’s obvious you had fun with this one, Geoff. Nice job!
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Thanks Jill. They are cracking prompts, aren’t they?
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Stunning. I was enjoying it so much I forgot the title
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Glad you enjoyed it
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Great imagination and humor! Can we see more of Delightful O’Drool and Constable Constable, please?
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I’ll try and find a place for them. Keep popping in and you never know…!
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