Little Helpers #flash#writingprompt #shortfiction

‘I hate this time of year, you know.’

‘I’m not listening, Elvis.’

‘I don’t ask to get picked, Ernie, but I always am.’

‘It’s a privilege, you know. Errol’s never had a turn.’

‘He can take my place, any time.’

‘Don’t be silly. The Missus chooses. You know that.’

‘Yeah, but why is it always the same people? You know it’s true. Eric, Elrond, Edward…’

‘It’s because we’ve good at what we do. And those lads love it. Look, they’re nearly running.’

‘Yeah well. I’d be happier if they left me in jigsaws. I’ve found my niche in jigsaws.’

‘Don’t you get bored, cutting up the same pictures year after year?’

‘Nope. The patterns are always different. Do you know there are two hundred and seventy one million permutations?’

‘You are as boring as everyone says.’

‘Thanks. Maybe if I was more chummy I wouldn’t get this de-icing gig.’

‘You know it’s not that. It’s them.’

‘My hands?’

‘Of course your hands. There’s no one else with hands like yours. The Missus says you were sent by a divine gift when you appeared with those hands.’

‘Ernie, can I ask you a question? It’s a bit personal.’

‘Go on.’

‘I’ve been thinking. It’s just because of something Ethelbert said, after last year’s Freeze. Something about why the fellas don’t treat me like they do the others.’

‘You don’t want to believe what he says. You know he’s been in toy trains too long, don’t you? Keeps losing track.’

‘Yes well, it’s just it made a bit of sense, see. Do you think the boys hold it against me, what I do with my hands?’

‘Do?’

‘Where they go?’

‘They know someone has to, erm, do what you do.’

‘Yes sure but until I came a long it wasn’t the same each year. It was shared around, yes?’

‘True. Everyone got a turn.’

‘And it’s not like people were crying out for that turn was it.’

‘Well, no, it was exactly a privilege, but given your gifts, we could all see it was your destiny.’

‘I really don’t want to do it, this year. Maybe I could do his ears and…’

‘Noooo. No, that’s not the attitude. You’re so good. If any of the rest of us tried it would take weeks. You can knock them out in a couple of days.’

‘But still, it’s not exactly how one wasn’t to be remembered, is it? It’s one thing to be part of a special elite chosen by Missus Claus to go and de-thaw Santa, ready for the Christmas delivery; it’s a bit different to be known as the hot-handed elf who each year melts Santa’s balls.’

‘You can hardly leave them frozen, can you? It’d be like having a pair of maracas, clickety-clacking every time the sleigh hits a bit of turbulence. If that didn’t wake up all the kiddies I don’t know what would.’

‘I suppose…’

‘Come on, cheer up. The sooner you get his gonads glowing the sooner you can get back to those puzzles.’

This piece is written in response to D Wallace Peach’s new prompt #writingprompt, here. It’s open for anyone in January.

About TanGental

My name is Geoff Le Pard. Once I was a lawyer; now I am a writer. I've published four books - Dead Flies and Sherry Trifle, My Father and Other Liars, Salisbury Square and Buster & Moo. In addition I have published two anthologies of short stories, Life, in a Grain of Sand and Life in a Flash. More will appear soon, including a memoir of my mother's last years. I will try and continue to blog regularly at geofflepard.com about whatever takes my fancy. I hope it does yours too. These are my thoughts and no one else is to blame. If you want to nab anything I post, please acknowledge where it came from.
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45 Responses to Little Helpers #flash#writingprompt #shortfiction

  1. Ritu says:

    What are you like??? 😂😂😂

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Darlene says:

    Very funny! You are always good for a belly laugh.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I let out a snort there at the end, Geoff. Oh my gosh… where your mind goes. Ha ha. Thanks so much for playing along and giving us all a giggle. I look forward to sharing this one for sure. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Well, where else could you have possibly gone with that glorious picture 😀

    Liked by 1 person

  5. willowdot21 says:

    OMG.. lol 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤔🤣🤣🤔🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤔🤔🤔🤔

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Lol, I wasn’t expecting that! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  7. JT Twissel says:

    Poor old Santa… All he wants to Christmas is a warm balls!

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Ha!!!!! Geoff you sleighed me, I mean slayed me. All the “E” names were funny enough. LOL. Run run Rudolph, you went there! Don’t get me wrong…I knew you would. But you went there in rare form. This has to be the best of all the responses to the prompt. No wonder Elvis has a Blue Christmas. Happy New Year hugs.

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Reblogged this on Myths of the Mirror and commented:
    And amidst all the dire, dark, and gently reflective pieces, Geoff arrives with a bit of humor. Enjoy!

    Liked by 1 person

  10. Such fun! Glad you contributed to this one, Geoff. Cheers!

    Liked by 1 person

  11. Aaaaack! Hilarious. I didn’t expect THAT! Fun read.

    Liked by 1 person

  12. A wonderful winter tale…I could see where things were going but didn’t mind a bit!

    Liked by 1 person

  13. Vashti Q says:

    I can’t believe you went there. Ha, ha! A+ for originality. 😉 xo

    Liked by 1 person

  14. This was hilarious! Nicely done TanGental!

    Like

  15. acflory says:

    LMAO! Oh I did not see that coming. Awesome. 😀

    Liked by 1 person

  16. 🙂 Nice follow up from mine of yesterday

    Liked by 1 person

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