‘I hate this time of year, you know.’
‘I’m not listening, Elvis.’
‘I don’t ask to get picked, Ernie, but I always am.’
‘It’s a privilege, you know. Errol’s never had a turn.’
‘He can take my place, any time.’
‘Don’t be silly. The Missus chooses. You know that.’
‘Yeah, but why is it always the same people? You know it’s true. Eric, Elrond, Edward…’
‘It’s because we’ve good at what we do. And those lads love it. Look, they’re nearly running.’
‘Yeah well. I’d be happier if they left me in jigsaws. I’ve found my niche in jigsaws.’
‘Don’t you get bored, cutting up the same pictures year after year?’
‘Nope. The patterns are always different. Do you know there are two hundred and seventy one million permutations?’
‘You are as boring as everyone says.’
‘Thanks. Maybe if I was more chummy I wouldn’t get this de-icing gig.’
‘You know it’s not that. It’s them.’
‘My hands?’
‘Of course your hands. There’s no one else with hands like yours. The Missus says you were sent by a divine gift when you appeared with those hands.’
‘Ernie, can I ask you a question? It’s a bit personal.’
‘Go on.’
‘I’ve been thinking. It’s just because of something Ethelbert said, after last year’s Freeze. Something about why the fellas don’t treat me like they do the others.’
‘You don’t want to believe what he says. You know he’s been in toy trains too long, don’t you? Keeps losing track.’
‘Yes well, it’s just it made a bit of sense, see. Do you think the boys hold it against me, what I do with my hands?’
‘Do?’
‘Where they go?’
‘They know someone has to, erm, do what you do.’
‘Yes sure but until I came a long it wasn’t the same each year. It was shared around, yes?’
‘True. Everyone got a turn.’
‘And it’s not like people were crying out for that turn was it.’
‘Well, no, it was exactly a privilege, but given your gifts, we could all see it was your destiny.’
‘I really don’t want to do it, this year. Maybe I could do his ears and…’
‘Noooo. No, that’s not the attitude. You’re so good. If any of the rest of us tried it would take weeks. You can knock them out in a couple of days.’
‘But still, it’s not exactly how one wasn’t to be remembered, is it? It’s one thing to be part of a special elite chosen by Missus Claus to go and de-thaw Santa, ready for the Christmas delivery; it’s a bit different to be known as the hot-handed elf who each year melts Santa’s balls.’
‘You can hardly leave them frozen, can you? It’d be like having a pair of maracas, clickety-clacking every time the sleigh hits a bit of turbulence. If that didn’t wake up all the kiddies I don’t know what would.’
‘I suppose…’
‘Come on, cheer up. The sooner you get his gonads glowing the sooner you can get back to those puzzles.’
This piece is written in response to D Wallace Peach’s new prompt #writingprompt, here. It’s open for anyone in January.
What are you like??? 😂😂😂
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Now there is a question for a psychologist
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Quick! Hide the evidence!!!
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I think there are several people who’d like to tuck me away…
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We’d fight em!
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So funny!
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Thanks Di
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Very funny! You are always good for a belly laugh.
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I have the belly for it…
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I let out a snort there at the end, Geoff. Oh my gosh… where your mind goes. Ha ha. Thanks so much for playing along and giving us all a giggle. I look forward to sharing this one for sure. 🙂
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It was the most fabulous picture. How you managed to get the big guy and his familiar to sit still long enough to be frozen like that I’ll never know but kudos to all of you for their determination to make such a sacrifice to art
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Pixabay is a spec-fiction writers’ treasure trove. And beats me how they got him to sit still for so long. 😀
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Well, where else could you have possibly gone with that glorious picture 😀
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I did think of a set of peripatetic international dentists gone to treat Hercules for his oversensitivity to ice cream that was having some adverse weather impacts globally….
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Laughed out loud!! No harm in having a second version……..
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You never know… there may be more…
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OMG.. lol 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤔🤣🤣🤔🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤔🤔🤔🤔
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Lol, I wasn’t expecting that! 🙂
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Thanks Jacquie. I’ve always assumed Santa would need to hibernate and it’s good to have proof…
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Lol
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Poor old Santa… All he wants to Christmas is a warm balls!
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It’s a small wish…
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Ha!!!!! Geoff you sleighed me, I mean slayed me. All the “E” names were funny enough. LOL. Run run Rudolph, you went there! Don’t get me wrong…I knew you would. But you went there in rare form. This has to be the best of all the responses to the prompt. No wonder Elvis has a Blue Christmas. Happy New Year hugs.
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Thanks Teagan… I’m all for keeping Santa warm…
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Reblogged this on Myths of the Mirror and commented:
And amidst all the dire, dark, and gently reflective pieces, Geoff arrives with a bit of humor. Enjoy!
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Such fun! Glad you contributed to this one, Geoff. Cheers!
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Delighted you approve Sheri!
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Aaaaack! Hilarious. I didn’t expect THAT! Fun read.
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Thank you Priscilla. Glad it tickled a funny bone or two..
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A wonderful winter tale…I could see where things were going but didn’t mind a bit!
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I worry if you spotted the specific skill too early, as that may say more about you than me!, but glad you enjoyed!
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Once again, you’ve left me smiling and laughing out loud!
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I have a government health warning tattooed on my left elbow, advising you don’t drive for three hours after reading one of my posts… narcolepsy is inevitable
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I may have to follow you anyway!
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I can’t believe you went there. Ha, ha! A+ for originality. 😉 xo
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It’s a bit of a worry, how the subject matter seemed obvious… but I’m booked in for some intensive brain-disinfecting next week so that should cure things…
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Ha, ha! You’re hilarious.
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This was hilarious! Nicely done TanGental!
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It’s a pleasure to cause a few smiles. It warms Santa’s heart (other organs were available)
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LMAO! Oh I did not see that coming. Awesome. 😀
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I do worry about the jigsaws. They mustn’t be neglected . Glad you enjoyed it
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I did, very much. Oddly enough, I love jigsaw puzzles too! 😀
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🙂 Nice follow up from mine of yesterday
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Indeed but your balls didn’t seem too frosty… hope you’re nearly home
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🙂 Looks like tomorrow, Geoff
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