Life? Pah, You Couldn’t Make It Up #philosophy

geoff-and-jenz

This was me, two years ago. Six years old, again. Now, two years on and I’m eight today, so, utilizing the patented Le Pard Failsafe Body Clock that takes the digits of your years on the planet, adds them together and expects you to think like that person, where do I stand? Well if I could ask my eight year old self what I thought about LUE (Life, Universe, Everything) I’d like to hope some of the below would have been his aspirational philosophy.

I’m not someone taken much by grand schemes, anything organised or supernatural or indeed much that is not susceptible to ridicule so in writing this I expect to be teased, laughed at and generally the subject of incessant and, hopefully, complete mockery.

As this newly minted eight year old slides down the Grand Bannister of Life hopefully avoiding too many splinters perforating his arse, these are the pillars of my wisdom:

  • be optimistic: not everyone’s cup of tea and I understand that there’s a middle ground haunted by the dullards who count themselves as realists before reaching the mind-grinders and fun-suckers who are pessimists but honestly, it’s one life, it might end any second in a death both tragic and comic so, smile and squeeze out all the juices now. Half full? Half empty? Pah! Tosh!! Morons. It’s overflowing…
  • be resilient: you don’t walk through as many doors as I have without the odd one swinging back and smacking you on the nose. I learnt early that you still need to walk through the door. And if you can avoid kicking the sodding thing on the way past, so much the better because..
  • do not, under any circumstances, beat your head against a brick wall (or kick a swinging door): because, dear reader the wall doesn’t give a hoot and it never hurts the wall. Walk away and find something soft and spongy to argue with, or debate over, because at least there’s some chance the soft and spongy might give a little
  • be generous: my old man had an aphorism for every occasion: here the apposite one would be ‘always leave a man with his trousers’ – never just take, give at least a little and preferably a lot. You’ll be amazed how good it feels and how often there is a surprising return, but…
  • do not give and expect a return: because, if you condition your generosity you are liable to be disappointed. You’re also an arsehole.
  • understand that respect, like trust, is earned: and like wisdom is not a dictate of age, authority, position in life or any other criteria. And the more senior, educated, affluent, or powerful you are the greater the requirement on you to make it easier for others who might be less fortunate or in a less exalted position. I would modify the old adage ‘with power, comes responsibility’ by saying that ‘ with every ounce of power comes a tonne of responsibility’. The scales should not be tipped in favour of those who already have.
  • and what would be my motto? I was once asked what I’d learnt from my father than had stood me in good stead in life and after a little, but some relatively deep thinking, I replied:

speak when you are spoken to and confess your farts

In many ways that sums us both up. And as the saying goes, I didn’t get to where I am today by being somewhere else.

About TanGental

My name is Geoff Le Pard. Once I was a lawyer; now I am a writer. I've published four books - Dead Flies and Sherry Trifle, My Father and Other Liars, Salisbury Square and Buster & Moo. In addition I have published two anthologies of short stories, Life, in a Grain of Sand and Life in a Flash. More will appear soon, including a memoir of my mother's last years. I will try and continue to blog regularly at geofflepard.com about whatever takes my fancy. I hope it does yours too. These are my thoughts and no one else is to blame. If you want to nab anything I post, please acknowledge where it came from.
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34 Responses to Life? Pah, You Couldn’t Make It Up #philosophy

  1. I wish there was a ‘loved it’ button because I really did love every word here. Your motto is also priceless. Made me laugh out loud and wish I’d come up with it. Perfect way to live life. You had a good upbringing and obviously passed it on. Beautiful photo!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Ritu says:

    Love your advice His Geoffleship!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. trifflepudling says:

    Happy Birthday, young man!!
    Keep on writing 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  4. All this and still only 8? Wow – imagine you at 9! Happy Birthday xo

    Like

  5. I suppose on your birthday you really should have a free day of fart disclosures. Well, its birthday after all. Have a good one Geoff.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. JT Twissel says:

    All good advice – and often hard to follow. Happy Birthday!

    Liked by 1 person

  7. arlingwoman says:

    I like your advice. There’s a nice sense of motion to it–life in motion and a person moving forward.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Awesome. I agree with every single one except perhaps the Slyverin in me might sneak out the odd fart and cry it’s not me. Sorry to disappoint, I’ll try not to do so in your company!

    Liked by 1 person

  9. My Dad would have recommended almost all this – except when he farted silently he would look from side to side sniffing all the while and ask “who was that?”

    Liked by 1 person

  10. Darlene says:

    All good! Happy Birthday and many more. My dad always said, “The best-dressed person was the person wearing a smile.” Hats off to optimists everywhere!!

    Liked by 1 person

  11. Widdershins says:

    Happy Birth Day!!! … may you have a wonderful time, and score lots of loot! 😀 … Love the photo. 😀

    Liked by 1 person

  12. joylennick says:

    Hi, You have great style, Geoff! I love writing that’s not ‘in a box’…Mine’s not always how I want it to be, but now and then I write a poem or a piece that nearly…. gets there. Nevertheless, I ‘ve had a few books, etc., published.I just KNOW I’ll enjoy your books….Like most writers, I’m always busy but will try one soon..All power to you. Sincerely. Joy

    Like

  13. Charli Mills says:

    Your newly minted 8-year-old has it right — it begins with the choice of optimism. May you have a fair wind for farting, forgiving friends and all that life juices you can squeeze from that glass.

    Liked by 1 person

  14. You do have the ability to make me laugh out loud whenever I read your posts Geoff! This minted 8-year olds words of wisdom are obviously from the heart and so so true! And your motto?…perfect! Hope you had a good ‘un 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  15. willowdot21 says:

    Bless you Geoff 💜

    Liked by 1 person

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