‘Gah.’
‘I’m sorry Your Crustiness, but he insists on seeing you.’
Cob, The Arch Dough of Bakersville hung his head. He looked around the Palace, with its columns and pillars, a confection of support, standing proud, like the ultimate wedding cake. Just when everything was going so well and he had to deal with a neurotic Head-Baker. How had it come to this? They shouldn’t have recruited from abroad, they should have stayed with what they knew.
‘What’s he want?’
‘He…’ the page-bap sagged in the middle, a little underdone. ‘He won’t tell me.’
‘Why can’t he just do what he’s paid for? He’s here to bake, not bend my ear.’
‘You know what he’s like, Your Enrichedness. It’s a cultural thing. With him, everything’s on a knead the dough basis.’
Cob felt his crust begin to crack. ‘Alright, show him in. But I’m not happy. Not happy at all.’
A tall floury man with a multi-seed complexion slipped into the antechamber. ‘Allo.’
‘Beurre. Good to see you. Everything going well?’
Beurre put down his spatula. ‘I need help, Your Doughiness. We are heading for disaster.’
‘Oh I’m sure that’s a bit of an exaggeration.’
‘You pay me to create sumptuous breads, tasty buns, melt in the mouth cakes. If things don’t change it’ll be all pitta and pancakes.’
‘What’s going on?’
‘The kitchen has been infiltrated. I’m sure some of the baking powder is actually a raising agent, spying for a foreign power. The eggs have started self-separating and it’s really no yolk and well, the yeast…’
‘Yes?’
Beurre looked around as if the room had ears. ‘Our usual supplier has changed. Now all our yeast is from the east and it’s beastly. We tried a batch today. We did everything according to instructions but instead of the yeast being fermented the dough just threw itself at the walls and began rocking about in the mixing bowls.’
‘You mean it’s demented?’
‘Precisely. I can’t work in these conditions. I mean at least in France, it was fun making bread, but here it’s just a pain.’
This week’s #writephoto prompt is
TanGental 
Very clever as usual your Geoffness. I hope you didn’t base ‘His Crustiness’ on me again, the name is unearned.
Hugs
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Quite David you are our very own Mr Smooth. Good to hear from you. All well I hope?
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As cab be Geoff thanks.
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very tongue in cheek Geoff. Funny how I was commenting on another site about how much french I could remember from school!
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It’s odd that sort of thing, isn’t it? How it comes back to you at the oddest times
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🙂
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Oh! There is a clever post 💜💜💜, having just returned from France I find this very apt! 💜💜
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Glad you enjoyed both this and your holiday
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Certainly did 💜
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I meant to say I love that photo 💜
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“knead the dough situation”! 😂😂😂
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I know, I know, I’m sorry. I don’t know what came over me.
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Brilliant! 😂
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Hilarious – the yeast from the east rises only in the pain. The Beurre has gone completely insane…
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Curdled… yep it had to happen
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I actually winced at that last pun 😀
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I know, imagine how I felt typing it…
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You are a brave man… 😉
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Beyond clever, Geoff.
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So you’re saying, John, that on the Circle of Intelligence I’m hovering somewhere between mildly dumb and outbreaks of moron? Probably fair…
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No, I was on the circle of creativity. Clever is midway to godlike. So you are between the two. Maybe closer to godlike. As far as intellegence is concerned you may have a very accurate self profile. I can’t vouch for your assessment. I think others would disagree,
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You are too kind, John…
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Naw. Truth teller.
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Ooh, great final punchline!
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Even as I typed it I thought ‘really? You want to do this?’
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Ha ha. Glad you did.
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Dear heaven you have outdone yourself they come so thick and fast I couldn’t keep up! Lovely pic of your ma and a very young lawyer 🙂
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I so wanted to use baguette in there but failed to make it stick…
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🙂 Surely you could have rolled in a croissant….
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I know, I left out so much. Maybe 6 out of 10?
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Oh no, it’s still a good 8/10 Make a list of possibilities for the next installment – it could make for a REALLY spluttery first coffee read…….
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You must have a lot of white with a hint of optimism to repaint your room given I never see coffee stains when you post a picture of your home…
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It usually lands down my front – look for the stained teeshirts in selfies
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Gah! Indeed.
Please tell me you began with that last pun in mind.
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Erm yep. I wasn’t sure where it would best come in the piece but it was going to have a staring part.
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Very clever! Loved the last line! 😂
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Sort of had to be didn’t it
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Witty and entertaining as always. Who knows if we shall have bread after Brexit? I’m sure the panic stockpiling will start soon…
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Best eat cake…
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Ha ha ha, what a brilliant piece of satire.
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If only it was a joke
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You had me at, “With him, everything’s on a knead the dough basis.”.
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Your puns gave me miche du pain – I split my sides laughing.
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Sorry. I know someone who stitches beautifully if that helps…
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But will it solve the age old question: bread cake, cob, scuffler, barm cake, scottie or bap? And I dough’t I’ve named all options?? Brexit will not solve this conundrum, or will it?
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