What Brexit Will Do For Our Bread #writephoto #flashfiction

‘Gah.’

‘I’m sorry Your Crustiness, but he insists on seeing you.’

Cob, The Arch Dough of Bakersville hung his head. He looked around the Palace, with its columns and pillars, a confection of support, standing proud, like the ultimate wedding cake. Just when everything was going so well and he had to deal with a neurotic Head-Baker. How had it come to this? They shouldn’t have recruited from abroad, they should have stayed with what they knew.

‘What’s he want?’

‘He…’ the page-bap sagged in the middle, a little underdone. ‘He won’t tell me.’

‘Why can’t he just do what he’s paid for? He’s here to bake, not bend my ear.’

‘You know what he’s like, Your Enrichedness. It’s a cultural thing. With him, everything’s on a knead the dough basis.’

Cob felt his crust begin to crack. ‘Alright, show him in. But I’m not happy. Not happy at all.’

A tall floury man with a multi-seed complexion slipped into the antechamber. ‘Allo.’

‘Beurre. Good to see you. Everything going well?’

Beurre put down his spatula. ‘I need help, Your Doughiness. We are heading for disaster.’

‘Oh I’m sure that’s a bit of an exaggeration.’

‘You pay me to create sumptuous breads, tasty buns, melt in the mouth cakes. If things don’t change it’ll be all pitta and pancakes.’

‘What’s going on?’

‘The kitchen has been infiltrated. I’m sure some of the baking powder is actually a raising agent, spying for a foreign power. The eggs have started self-separating and it’s really no yolk and well, the yeast…’

‘Yes?’

Beurre looked around as if the room had ears. ‘Our usual supplier has changed. Now all our yeast is from the east and it’s beastly. We tried a batch today. We did everything according to instructions but instead of the yeast being fermented the dough just threw itself at the walls and began rocking about in the mixing bowls.’

‘You mean it’s demented?’

‘Precisely. I can’t work in these conditions. I mean at least in France, it was fun making bread, but here it’s just a pain.’

This week’s #writephoto prompt is

About TanGental

My name is Geoff Le Pard. Once I was a lawyer; now I am a writer. I've published four books - Dead Flies and Sherry Trifle, My Father and Other Liars, Salisbury Square and Buster & Moo. In addition I have published two anthologies of short stories, Life, in a Grain of Sand and Life in a Flash. More will appear soon, including a memoir of my mother's last years. I will try and continue to blog regularly at geofflepard.com about whatever takes my fancy. I hope it does yours too. These are my thoughts and no one else is to blame. If you want to nab anything I post, please acknowledge where it came from.
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46 Responses to What Brexit Will Do For Our Bread #writephoto #flashfiction

  1. davidprosser says:

    Very clever as usual your Geoffness. I hope you didn’t base ‘His Crustiness’ on me again, the name is unearned.
    Hugs

    Liked by 1 person

  2. very tongue in cheek Geoff. Funny how I was commenting on another site about how much french I could remember from school!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. willowdot21 says:

    Oh! There is a clever post 💜💜💜, having just returned from France I find this very apt! 💜💜

    Liked by 1 person

  4. willowdot21 says:

    I meant to say I love that photo 💜

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Ritu says:

    “knead the dough situation”! 😂😂😂

    Liked by 1 person

  6. JT Twissel says:

    Hilarious – the yeast from the east rises only in the pain. The Beurre has gone completely insane…

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Sue Vincent says:

    I actually winced at that last pun 😀

    Liked by 2 people

  8. Beyond clever, Geoff.

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Dear heaven you have outdone yourself they come so thick and fast I couldn’t keep up! Lovely pic of your ma and a very young lawyer 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  10. Gah! Indeed.
    Please tell me you began with that last pun in mind.

    Liked by 1 person

  11. Very clever! Loved the last line! 😂

    Liked by 1 person

  12. Iain Kelly says:

    Witty and entertaining as always. Who knows if we shall have bread after Brexit? I’m sure the panic stockpiling will start soon…

    Liked by 1 person

  13. Ha ha ha, what a brilliant piece of satire.

    Like

  14. You had me at, “With him, everything’s on a knead the dough basis.”.

    Liked by 1 person

  15. Pingback: What Brexit Will Do For Our Bread ~ Geoff Le Pard #writephoto | Sue Vincent's Daily Echo

  16. Pingback: Photo prompt round-up: Pillars #writephoto | Sue Vincent's Daily Echo

  17. noelleg44 says:

    Your puns gave me miche du pain – I split my sides laughing.

    Liked by 1 person

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