Bottled

I’ve always hated grammar

So imagine my surprise

When suddenly last summer

I came across this prize

A message in a bottle

That really made me frown

It forced my stops to glottel

And turned my verbs to nouns.

My tenses were not passive

When the letter I pulled free

It left me with this massive

Urge to throw it back to sea.

The writer started out with prose

Which filled me full of terror

Because, and let us just suppose

It was a schoolboy error.

He tried to use a rhyming scheme

A sort of limerick

Which was enough to make me scream

And an urge, his bubble, to prick.

I am not proud, I have to say

I tore his words to pieces

Which left him somewhere high and dry

Alone amongst his clichés.

About TanGental

My name is Geoff Le Pard. Once I was a lawyer; now I am a writer. I've published four books - Dead Flies and Sherry Trifle, My Father and Other Liars, Salisbury Square and Buster & Moo. In addition I have published two anthologies of short stories, Life, in a Grain of Sand and Life in a Flash. More will appear soon, including a memoir of my mother's last years. I will try and continue to blog regularly at geofflepard.com about whatever takes my fancy. I hope it does yours too. These are my thoughts and no one else is to blame. If you want to nab anything I post, please acknowledge where it came from.
This entry was posted in poems, poetry, Uncategorized and tagged , . Bookmark the permalink.

23 Responses to Bottled

  1. Ritu says:

    Ha ha! No saviour here Then!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Nicely done. I love the style of rhyming in this poem. Haven’t done that for years. I enjoyed reading this clever poem of yours. Thank you.
    Hey, don’t hesitate to visit my blog page, I would really like to connect with you.

    Like

  3. noelleg44 says:

    Reminds me a little of Jar Jar Binks, the most hated of the Star Wars characters!

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Mary Smith says:

    Clever and funny – hope the message wasn’t a cry for help! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Soumya Somani says:

    That’s really creative!!

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Well, it elicited this response, so did good. I too join the hoards hoping you didn’t leave some poor non-poetic soul to a life of solitude on a teeny island surrounded by ocean somewhere…… Oh the horror!

    Like

  7. Rowena says:

    You Grammar Nazi you! Geoff’s mum, who I only met a few times before she passed, had been a school teacher and apparently very strict about grammar. Indeed, the kids decided to call her: “Gramma”.
    Some would probably make the argument that leaving him to die on his desert island was a case of “survival of the fittest”.
    I have been wanting to share a museum encounter I had on the weekend with you, as I imagine you’ve been to a few in your time and would have an opinion. Cast your vote.
    https://beyondtheflow.wordpress.com/2018/05/29/what-are-museums-for/
    BTW I also went to the Archibald Exhibition and zoomed in and photographed the eyes which might also be of interest. It wasn’t something I’d planned to do, but it was intriguing and I like how you can form interesting photo composites on WordPress, which was added fun.
    Best wishes,
    Ro
    PS Loved frollicking in the Autumn leaves on the weekend. We don’t have many around here and I haven’t lost my childhood sense of awe and wonder despite growing up (and out).

    Like

  8. Rowena says:

    Hi Geoffle,
    I’m back with more reading for you. Sue Vincent reposted this and thought you’d be interested in the post and the comments: https://somethingferal.com/2018/05/28/claw-in-glove/
    Best wishes,
    Ro
    PS I’ve planted myself at my desk and doing a little blog hopping in my PJs with Lady sleeping on my feet. It’s just after midday and despite having a few annoyances to sort out, I thought I’d enjoy my time here.

    Liked by 1 person

  9. JT Twissel says:

    Very clever I must say, you’ve just made my day!

    Liked by 1 person

  10. willowdot21 says:

    Very clever Sir!! 💜

    Liked by 1 person

  11. really clever and humorous with it, I enjoyed reading this 🙂 Hope i didnt spell humorous wrong or i will be in trouble lol 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

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