Scribbling

These days my handwriting would be best described… and not actually experienced. It is cursive only in the sense that it engenders in the reader an overwhelming and uncontrollable urge to curse. It wasn’t always thus…

Who am I kidding? At no stage in my known universe has anyone asked me to be the person to take notes when it is going to be necessary for someone else to read them. The joke that doctors had the most appalling handwriting should have given me an obvious career entrée if my lack of manual dexterity had matched my lack of squeamishness at the sight of… well pretty much any randomly excreted bodily fluid.

There was a small period – to call it a ‘window’ suggests it may have thrown some light on the matter – during my tortured exam years, from 16 to 23 when I learnt that Big Writing was, if not exactly beautiful than a damn sight more readable than my default pixelated pitch. My letters grew, they separated – no, let’s be honest, this wasn’t some trial split but a full blown divorce – and they lost some of their flamboyance, in much the same way that a roller coaster losses its purpose if it’s actually meant to be a railroad.

If you have to write for pretty much the whole three hours in order to be in with a chance of passing your Tort or Equity and Trusts papers and then expect some poor marker to ruin his eyesight because your scrawls do drunk spiders a disservice you are as self delusional as any career politician. I managed a style which if not comfortable on the eye was at least understandable – a kind of Ian Paisley for the pen and ink set.

Perhaps I should be grateful that handwriting didn’t come easily. It led to easily the best comment on a school report ever

Handwriting B I don’t know how he managed it

(and bear in mind this comes from the person who achieved, for geometry:

D utterly confused in the exam – term’s rating B)

But to the many people who struggled to get me writing using actual ink without rendering everything in a fifteen yard radius blue, I thank you. It wasn’t wasted time. Well,my children and the plumber appreciate my ability to write cashable cheques so that’s a positive takeaway, I think.

This Post was stimulated by Irene Waters Learning To Write Post, here

About TanGental

My name is Geoff Le Pard. Once I was a lawyer; now I am a writer. I've published four books - Dead Flies and Sherry Trifle, My Father and Other Liars, Salisbury Square and Buster & Moo. In addition I have published two anthologies of short stories, Life, in a Grain of Sand and Life in a Flash. More will appear soon, including a memoir of my mother's last years. I will try and continue to blog regularly at geofflepard.com about whatever takes my fancy. I hope it does yours too. These are my thoughts and no one else is to blame. If you want to nab anything I post, please acknowledge where it came from.
This entry was posted in humour, memories, miscellany, School and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink.

26 Responses to Scribbling

  1. Darlene says:

    When my dad had a stroke, I asked him what side was affected. He said it was the right side. I exclaimed, “Thank heaven. At least you can still sign cheques!” (my dad was left handled) It gave him a laugh, which he needed. My own handwriting is pretty bad as well and gets worse as I get older.

    Like

    • TanGental says:

      I have a confession. I’m bad at checking spam! Worse is that all your comments from this in have languished, unloved. They are now free to roam again and bring joy to all. PS love the tease.

      Like

  2. willowdot21 says:

    ‘Games : he tries’ 🤔 at least it didn’t say ‘ talks too much’ like mine.

    Liked by 2 people

  3. Ritu says:

    I love your report card!!! I have some of mine. Handwriting came up in mine too lol! My writing changes on a whim to be honest!!!

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Love the phrase ‘the tortured years’ – makes me think of my 40s 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  5. There’s a paragraph in here that is possibly the best one you have ever writte – er – typed. It mentions writing exam papers, drunk spiders, career politicians and Ian Paisley all in one breath. Sheer brilliance!! 🙂

    Like

  6. susansleggs says:

    You are in good company. We understand……

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Norah says:

    Congratulations on earning a B for handwriting. Sadly, or rather gladly, we won’t be required to hand-write on checks for much longer either. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  8. LOL. Luckily for you I do think writing (unless you do caligraphy) will become a lost art and all those examiners will be saved having to read illegible drunk spider scrawls. Beautiful imagery and your trademark humour. As long as you can write cheques then all is fine in the world.

    Liked by 1 person

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