About The Size Of It #oldjokesarethebest

‘The guy at the bar, Sarge. Barman says he did it.’

‘Is that the victim? Little guy? What happened to him?’

‘Both legs broken.’

‘Why isn’t there a paramedic?’

‘He’s a Leprechaun, Sarge. Says he’ll fix himself.’

‘So what happened?’

‘Seems the big guy over there is talking to the little guy. One minute it’s all friendly, then he opens that box, goes berserk, throws the little guy on the ground and stamps…’

‘Right. And the barman’s seen it?’

‘Not clearly, but forensics say they can lift a print from the mush. That’s why he’s not fixed it yet.’

‘Spare me the anatomy, Sullivan. Do we have any idea what triggered this?’

‘The barman says the Leprechaun is a known trouble-maker. One wish if you buy me a drink sort of thing.’

‘Sounds like a fair trade to me.’

‘Yeah but he likes tricks. Barman says he brought it on himself.’

‘So what happened? The big guy doesn’t look the stamping sort. Rather lacking, if you know what I mean?’

‘Yeah.’

‘What’s he say?’

‘He’s not been able to speak.’

‘Remorse, I suppose?’

‘I think it’s more like embarrassment.’

‘And the Leprechaun? What’s his story?’

‘Like the barman says. He’s adamant he just gave the guy what he wanted.’

‘I’d better see him.’

‘You’ll need to speak up. He’s a little deaf.’

‘He’s a little everything.’

‘Can you say that Sarge?’

‘Shut up, Sullivan.’

‘Yes Sarge.’

‘Hello, Mr…?’

‘Toby Shaw.’

‘To Be Sure?’

‘Near enough.’

‘And you’re ok with your legs like that, you know?’

‘To Be Sure.’

‘Yes, I’ve got your name.’

‘Can we move it on, Sergeant. I’m parched.’

‘Of course. Can you explain why the gentleman did what you allege he did?’

‘Ungrateful ingrate. Like I usually do, I offered him a wish if he bought me a drink…’

‘And?’

‘I did what he asked. He takes a look at his wish and goes berserk.’

‘In that box?’

‘Take a look, yerself.’

‘Interesting. That’s an odd request, to be given a foot high keyboard player?’

‘His exact words were ‘I’ve always wanted a twelve inch pianist’ so that’s what he got. Now are you going to make him buy me a pint?’

 

About TanGental

My name is Geoff Le Pard. Once I was a lawyer; now I am a writer. I've published four books - Dead Flies and Sherry Trifle, My Father and Other Liars, Salisbury Square and Buster & Moo. In addition I have published two anthologies of short stories, Life, in a Grain of Sand and Life in a Flash. More will appear soon, including a memoir of my mother's last years. I will try and continue to blog regularly at geofflepard.com about whatever takes my fancy. I hope it does yours too. These are my thoughts and no one else is to blame. If you want to nab anything I post, please acknowledge where it came from.
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10 Responses to About The Size Of It #oldjokesarethebest

  1. willowdot21 says:

    OmG! 🤔😱😣😉😁😁😁😁😁😁🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗😶😷💜

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Ritu says:

    Ha Ha!!! 🤣🤣🤣

    Liked by 1 person

  3. More guffaws and a coffee laced gurgle!

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Best line, “He’s a little everything.”

    Liked by 1 person

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