Faux Pas Amongst The Foliage #flowers #gardens #Embarassment

My garden, as you might know, is something of a joy to me.

My sunflowers are going a storm

I have tomatoes to die for – or I will when they ripen

and the apple tree is drooping almost to breaking point.

And the flowers! Oh the flowers –

cosmos

and roses pink

and all sorts fushia

and clematis

mixed beds and single spines.

There is such a lot to admire. But within such delights there lurk traps, little places of innocent splendour that I want to share with my family that cause, well, ructions. Yes, ructions..

The Vet, back home from her graduation, is beginning to appreciate the subtle symphonies that make up a proper English garden: the herbaceous borders, the shrubs and random planting. I was a similar age when gardening turned from a parental imposed chore to something I could see myself doing, creating my own little piece of England.

It was in this vein that I glanced out of the window at breakfast, catching sight of one of my favourite of summer plants, one that returns from seeds spread year after year.

I turned to my daughter, who was concentrating on a bowl of muesli and said

If you’ve a moment later I really think you should come and see my morningΒ glory*

To say there was a stunned silence would ignore the shrapnel effect of half-masticated muesli being ejected from her mouth at approximately 150 psi.

The look – wide eyed but far from innocent, gaping mouth and shaking head – suggested I had perhaps said something unexpected.

I do not consider myself to be innocent, naive or jejune. I’m a man of the world. I know stuff. I’ve read widely, absorbed all sorts of cultural allusions, including urban slang.

Sadly, however, one such that had passed me by, was the fact that my ornamental bindweed had the same name as an early-bird priapic wonderment.

I made the link quickly; I can spot a double entendre a mile off but it was too late. She was already whatsapping her brother to tell him about my latest unexpected moment of despair. Much family laughter ensued.

The consensus was

Not again, Dad.

See, I have form. When the Lawyer was living with us, a year ago, the Beautician, his delightful girlfriend, was here too. Her work, as a model at the time, didn’t require fixed hours and often she would join me in the morning, walking Dog.

Imagine everyone’s surprise therefore when, once again at breakfast I asked her if she was free and whether

you’d like to go dogging** with me

Is it any wonder I now write a blog, rather than talk to people. There’s this notion f the tall poppy syndrome – people who are bigged up, or big themselves up and are then cut down to size. Like me and my sunflowers.

Both of us are ripe for a culling….

*if you are not sure what a ‘morning glory’ is, click here

**and for an explanation of dogging I can do no better than let you watch this

About TanGental

My name is Geoff Le Pard. Once I was a lawyer; now I am a writer. I've published three books - Dead Flies and Sherry Trifle, My Father and Other Liars and Salisbury Square. In addition I published an anthology of short stories, Life, in a Grain of Sand this summer. A fourth book will be out soon. This started life as a novel in a week on this blog and will follow later this year. I blog about all sorts at geofflepard.com and welcome all comments. These are my thoughts and no one else is to blame. If you want to nab anything I post, please acknowledge where it came from.
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48 Responses to Faux Pas Amongst The Foliage #flowers #gardens #Embarassment

  1. Ritu says:

    Oh man His Geoffleship!!! πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚
    But your garden is wondrous!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. trifflepudling says:

    Geoffle – crazy name, crazy guy.

    (ps No, I didn’t know that term either!).

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Sue Vincent says:

    Glorious garden, Geoff!

    Now, my sons tend to be more shocked when they realise I do know such terms… πŸ˜‰

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Erika Kind says:

    Hahaha…. too funny!!! But it could have been me… such things always happen to me…. lol!!
    Anway, your garden is a paradise and island!

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Lovely garden, Geoff, and I didn’t know those expressions either.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Mary Smith says:

    Oh, Geoff, brilliant post. There’s coffee sputtered all over my keyboard now. Loved the fascinating Aida video. And your garden is glorious. Still laughing. Wish I’d seen the Lawyer’s girlfriend’s face!

    Liked by 1 person

  7. TanGental says:

    Mine are shocked i don’t. What doea that say about us? And them?

    Like

  8. HAHA! Oh these are pricelss Geoff. You must be a osurce of great hiilarity to your children! πŸ™‚
    The farden is beautifuul though, so you have got that right at least πŸ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Your poor daughter… thank goodness she knows you well enough to realize your total innocence and has the good sense to simply take pity upon you. I am still laughing… no cereal to toss about, and I have relocated my coffee to a safe distance.

    Liked by 1 person

  10. Darlene says:

    I love your typical English garner. it looks fabulous. Your faux pas are hilarious.You are so good at laughing at yourself!

    Liked by 1 person

  11. Ha ha ha. I didn’t know that slang either, but can relate to the whole experience and in a large crowd of young people! It was mortifying. Lol. Beautiful garden. πŸ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

  12. I very recently had the expression ‘dogging’ patiently explained to me. The other I am now educated about – see all things come in time, even if you’d rather they didn’t. Like jowls.

    Liked by 1 person

  13. JT Twissel says:

    I’m so jealous! My garden is in sad shape.

    Liked by 1 person

  14. willowdot21 says:

    Love garden blooming marvelous! Also love Fascinating Aieda!

    Liked by 1 person

  15. Great pictures of a glorious garden. You certainly know how to make an offer

    Liked by 1 person

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