Jane Dougherty’s microfiction prompt this week is
Eve squeezed her eyes shut. Bloody Adam hadn’t watered the Tree again and they all knew where that would lead.
‘Hey, matey-boy. Stop writing poetry and do something useful.’
‘Hmm?’ Adam appeared lost in the endless fields that glowed with just that perfect shade of green, offsetting the flawless sky and sumptuous mountains. ‘Wassup, doll?’
‘Have you been on the mushrooms again?’
‘I’m just digging that rock, you know what I mean? It’s so there. Like, really present.’
‘Geez, will you listen to yourself? If the Big Man hears you dribbling on like that, it’ll be banishment for sure. We missed by the skin of our teeth last time…’
‘Man, He needs to chill. This universe building is getting Him, like, Downsville. You know, yesterday I asked if I could, maybe, share one of His Nirvana pipes and…’
‘Bloody hell. What did you do that for?’
Adam rung his hands, staring at the overwhelmingly delightful stream that babbled effortlessly by his feet. ‘Why not? He gets to smoke them. Why can’t I?’
‘Because He works and you just doss, capiche? You are a total waste of space, you know that?’
Adam’s bottom lip began to jut out and kept jutting. Eve, however, saw it coming and began to roll it back. Eventually his flaccid lower face became so large he had to suck it back in to stop suffocating himself. ‘He made me this way. It’s His fault. If He wanted, you know, dynamic, He should have created some Odysseus dude or whatever. Did you ask about the dreads, doll?’
‘No I did not. He made it clear. After that scrumping trick you played, we had to wear these ghastly things. Look at this nonsense. It is killing my complexion.’ Eve leant over the river and squeezed her cheeks hard.
‘You ate the apple.’ Adam looked mutinous as she spun round.
‘Oh yes, blame me. You were so out of it you couldn’t even reach the low hanging fruit. Anyway, I thought it was one of our five a day.’
‘That’s what I told Him when He found the schrooms…’
‘HE FOUND THEM? Oh Adam, tell me he didn’t really. Tell me…’
‘MAN! WOMAN! COME HERE!’
Adam stuck his fingers in his ears. ‘What’s with the foghorn, Man? I…’
Eve dug Adam in the missing rib, accidentally giving him a kidney punch and sending him to the floor in agony. ‘God, Sir, Jehovah… Do you have just one name we could agree on?’
‘I QUITE LIKE PERCY.’
‘You sure?’
‘I THINK SO. FITS MY STATURE AS OMNISCIENT, DON’T YOU THINK?’
‘You’re the Boss. So Perce…’
‘NOPE. THAT DOESN’T CUT IT, DOES IT? ARCHIE? TODD?’
‘You decide and let us know. We are really sorry about the fungi. Complete accident. Won’t hap..’
‘IT’S OK. I’VE ANOTHER PLAN.’
‘Not banishment?’
‘’NO. BETTER.’
‘Better? For who?’
‘ME.’
‘So, we’ll hate it, will we?’
The Supreme Entity wobbled some clouds back and forth. ‘THERE’LL BE A SILVER LINING. KIND OF.’
‘I’m all ears.’
‘YOU GET TO LOSE THE RAIMENTS.’
‘The rai..? Oh right. Good.’ Eve narrowed her eyes as Adam pulled himself to his knees and sucked in deep breaths.
He said, ‘That was the most painful thing ever.’
Eve pointed at God. ‘Will you shut the f… up? He’s telling us His plan.’
Adam swallowed. ‘Banishment?’
‘Apparently not.’
‘That’s good.’
‘NO, IT’S WORSE.’
‘But we lose the clothes?’
‘YUP.’
Adam and Eve exchanged a glance and then looked skywards at a very self-satisfied looking Deity. In unison, they said, ‘So what can be worse?’
God rubbed his hands together setting off an electrical storm the likes of which the world had yet to see. ‘YOU’RE GOING TO BECOME PARENTS. OF TWINS. AND THEY’LL HATE EACH OTHER.’ He began to laugh. As He did so the clouds all backed up and rain began to pour down from the sky. ‘YOU KNOW WHAT? I THINK I’VE JUST INVENTED A STORM. MARVELLOUS.’
TanGental 
I like your take on God. It could explain a lot about the awful mess this planet is in. The schrooms could explain the rest.
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Indeed, He is a tricksy character but He does like a goof laugh…
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Just so long as he bears in mind that his idea of a good laugh might have cataclysmic consequences for the rest of us.
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Love it!
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“one of our five a day”…Perfect. Thanks for the morning smiles !
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Jolly good. Nice to start you right.
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Oh what a funny thought!! Love it His Geoffleship!!!
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You just never know the why’s and wherefores
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So true!
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Hahaha. Love the lingo and God’s sense of humor. Magnificent. -D
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God is such a tease, huh!
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Uh-huh. 😀 😀 😛
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Adam was a hippy eh? Maybe the shrooms explain the talking snake.
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I always wondered at some of the goings on
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Tut tut, blasphemy! But very inventive and amusing.
On a serious note, I think whichever people wrote the Old Testament already knew that people and life could be more likely to do you a bad turn if they were able and so they were preparing you for that and also trying to give people some sort of civilised code of behaviour.
Love the missing rib bit!
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I expect their intentions were sound. Shame people still treat is a immutable though… glad you enjoyed it
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………… it’s like you were there! 😀
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One of His rejected ideas maybe…
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Mwahahaha!
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What’s wrong with “Percy”? Fits quite nicely with the man with the plan. Genius plan, too. And groovy couple about to get rival twins. You should extend this one. I’m completely loving this.
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I wonder if we can take it right the way to Revelations…
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Hahahhh this is genius! Your mind Geoffle. I love this take, love how useless Adam is! Hilarious
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I don’t suppose you ever enjoyed the Magic Roundabout as a child
Sort of CBBC on LSD that’s my sort of Eden
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A fraction before my time.
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