When mummy knows best #microfiction

Jane Dougherty’s picture prompt is

jane-d-couple

The Painful Truth

Dearest Priscilla,

I had to write to explain why I am currently on the way to Gretna.

As you know, I’ve been walking out with Reginald for six months, despite mummy’s reservations. We have ensured due propriety and modesty at all times and I had hopes of an early engagement.

Recently though things have become decidedly awkward.

First there was Clarisse Maxwell’s handkerchief. She ‘dropped’ it in front of him, the little slut, and mummy took exception to the way he ‘lingered’ as he bent to pick it up. The sweet thing was mortified and assured her he had no more feelings for Miss Maxwell than he had for his father’s goats.

Then last week after Church he forgot to take my hymn book and left me to hand it back to the sweaty-palmed verger with the boil on his neck. Mummy was livid and needed to be fanned for twenty minutes to regain her composure.

But today! Disaster! We attended the Jamieson’s musical soiree, but Reggie felt unwell after eating the mackerel surprise. Mummy decided to accompany us and we were just approaching the coaches when Reggie had a little ‘sulphurous accident’.

Mummy, of course, swooned. ‘How dare you fart in front of my daughter.’

Reggie must have had a psychotic moment – much like his great Uncle Jeremiah when he ate that mongoose in Nagpur – because he replied with, ‘I’m so sorry, mother, but I didn’t realise it was her turn.’

So we were left with no choice. Elopement. Though I wish we had chosen a carriage with windows that opened.

Much love,

Hermione

About TanGental

My name is Geoff Le Pard. Once I was a lawyer; now I am a writer. I've published several books: a four book series following Harry Spittle as he grows from hapless student to hapless partner in a London law firm; four others in different genres; a book of poetry; four anthologies of short fiction; and a memoir of my mother. I have several more in the pipeline. I have been blogging regularly since 2014, on topic as diverse as: poetry based on famous poems; memories from my life; my garden; my dog; a whole variety of short fiction; my attempts at baking and food; travel and the consequent disasters; theatre, film and book reviews; and the occasional thought piece. Mostly it is whatever takes my fancy. I avoid politics, mostly, and religion, always. I don't mean to upset anyone but if I do, well, sorry and I suggest you go elsewhere. These are my thoughts and no one else is to blame. If you want to nab anything I post, please acknowledge where it came from.
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23 Responses to When mummy knows best #microfiction

  1. merrildsmith says:

    Made me laugh. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Comedy worthy of Jerome K. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  3. barbtaub says:

    A match made in heaven. One can only hope that Hermione doesn’t discover the depths of Reggie’s affection for his father’s goats…

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Mick Canning says:

    Splendid fare, although I fear the fellow will be trouble!

    Liked by 1 person

  5. willowdot21 says:

    Do we smell a rat??

    Liked by 1 person

  6. I don’t suppose there are more letters to be found in the archives? ‘Twould be most entertaining to hear how life progresses 🙂 

    Like

  7. Splendelicious. And incontrafallistic.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Thank goodness I’m not sat in that carriage!

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Pingback: Microfiction challenge A Satisfied Couple: the entries – Jane Dougherty Writes

  10. Hahaha! That was simply splendid. 😀

    Liked by 1 person

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