Big Brown Dog – For Charli

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Days old, Punch and his brother and sisters, circa 1958

October 5, 2016 prompt: In 99 words (no more, no less) write a story about a Big Brown Dog. I just want to read Big Brown Dog stories this week. I know dogs arn’t everyone’s cup of tea, but you can write about that, too. Keep it happy, write something funny, surprising or tender. Thank you.

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Punch. The first dog I knew. A big boxer with a chest like an amphitheatre and his one testicle that had a second career as a wrecking ball. I learnt unconditional love from him; I learnt that ingesting slobber is not a good way to re-hydrate; and he showed me what an erection was after a long train journey and all that rattling much to my mother’s consternation. So many stories but this one stands out.

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Dog Show

Punchenello Tillingdown – Punch – a pedigree boxer who had to be shown. He was Magnificent. Mum took him to the local dog show. All went well until the vet inspection. Worried faces. Mum wanted to disappear as the vets fondled near his exhaust. ‘Sorry Mrs Le Pard. Has to be disqualified. He’s a mono-orchid.’

Mortified, Mum drags him home, humiliated. At a cathartic coffee morning, she tells our neighbour, Olive Haylor, about the missing testicle. Later that evening Olive regales her husband with Mum’s doom. ‘It was dreadful. Poor dog. He’s a mono… He only has one tulip.’

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About TanGental

My name is Geoff Le Pard. Once I was a lawyer; now I am a writer. I've published three books - Dead Flies and Sherry Trifle, My Father and Other Liars and Salisbury Square. In addition I published an anthology of short stories, Life, in a Grain of Sand this summer. A fourth book will be out soon. This started life as a novel in a week on this blog and will follow later this year. I blog about all sorts at geofflepard.com and welcome all comments. These are my thoughts and no one else is to blame. If you want to nab anything I post, please acknowledge where it came from.
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30 Responses to Big Brown Dog – For Charli

  1. ellenbest24 says:

    I think I’d have liked your dog. As I did the story… *whispers* except the reference to ingesting slobber. 😇

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Wonderful and hilarious story, Jeff! I had the good fortune to have a (female) boxer in my youth. She was small compared with punch, and not so much slobber, but otherwise . . . Awesome, winsome, and loving dog; I was lucky that she was in my life! We kept one another active.

    Liked by 1 person

    • P.S. Not a niggle, Geoff, just a little bit of information . . . but in the puppies photo (presumably with your Mum), those puppies would still have eyes closed and not be able to climb like that or be quite that large if they were only days old. I make them somewhere between 3 and 7 weeks old. Just in case you wanted to know, for ‘dating’ purposes. I have so many old photos that I wish people had put month and year on, and often there’s neither! Thank goodness some of the 1940s ones have the date on the white part of the print itself. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Do I put a link here for mine?

    Liked by 1 person

  4. noelleg44 says:

    What a handsome dog! Clearly having only one testicle didn’t keep him down. Here’s to Punch’s memory!

    Liked by 1 person

  5. jan says:

    I can picture the scene! Well, he was a handsome dog despite.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. I’m sure this story will bring a smile to Charli’s face – it did mine!

    Liked by 2 people

  7. trifflepudling says:

    Poor Charli, so hard. I’ve put this quote here before, but think it’s lovely. From the writer, Kinky Friedman. “They say when you die and go to heaven all the dogs and cats you’ve ever had in your life come running to meet you. Until that day, rest in peace….” .

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Charli Mills says:

    Not everyone can appreciate an intact male (dog)! Grenny had both tulips and they were hard to miss. Punch was a beautiful dog even if disqualified. Thank you for this Big Brown Dog story, it warms my heart!

    Liked by 2 people

  9. Olive Haylor – what a magnificent name! I love it.

    Punch looks leader of the pack to me.

    Liked by 1 person

  10. Love this, Geoff. You really rose to the challenge. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  11. Tina Frisco says:

    Poor Punch. Such a macho-looking canine. Good thing he doesn’t know that some humans refer to him as a mono-orchid 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  12. Norah says:

    This is a beautiful story, so perfect to share at a time like this. You have done well.

    Liked by 1 person

  13. Sacha Black says:

    pahahahahahaha omg, you must have taken funny pills in the last week Geoffle. The amphitheatre chest, and testicle wrecking ball – seriously spat juice everywhere! hilarious.

    Liked by 1 person

  14. Pingback: Big Brown Dog « Carrot Ranch Communications

  15. Annecdotist says:

    Nice to have your formidable mother feature in the flash fiction challenge. And I always thought orchid a strange word for testicle – there must be more stories in that!

    Liked by 1 person

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