October 5, 2016 prompt: In 99 words (no more, no less) write a story about a Big Brown Dog. I just want to read Big Brown Dog stories this week. I know dogs arn’t everyone’s cup of tea, but you can write about that, too. Keep it happy, write something funny, surprising or tender. Thank you.
Punch. The first dog I knew. A big boxer with a chest like an amphitheatre and his one testicle that had a second career as a wrecking ball. I learnt unconditional love from him; I learnt that ingesting slobber is not a good way to re-hydrate; and he showed me what an erection was after a long train journey and all that rattling much to my mother’s consternation. So many stories but this one stands out.
Punchenello Tillingdown – Punch – a pedigree boxer who had to be shown. He was Magnificent. Mum took him to the local dog show. All went well until the vet inspection. Worried faces. Mum wanted to disappear as the vets fondled near his exhaust. ‘Sorry Mrs Le Pard. Has to be disqualified. He’s a mono-orchid.’
Mortified, Mum drags him home, humiliated. At a cathartic coffee morning, she tells our neighbour, Olive Haylor, about the missing testicle. Later that evening Olive regales her husband with Mum’s doom. ‘It was dreadful. Poor dog. He’s a mono… He only has one tulip.’