Death is a much overrated experience #nearbutnocigar

Is it only a cat that has nine lives? I drifted off today, while walking Dog and nearly stepped out in front of the traffic. Not that close but enough to wake me up with a jolt.

It made me think how many ‘lives’ I’ve used up. Am I feline at heart?

  1. 2014-07-17-17-25-47I don’t remember this but I saw the afters – apparently when I was but a crawling and mewling babe, back in the days of 2 pin plugs, I managed to stick a butter knife between plug and wall. The Archaeologist recalls a blue flash followed and two small melt marks appeared in the metal blade. I was griping the bone handle which, fortunately didn’t conduct electricity. I have wondered since, if my older brother was there, watching, whether I was part of some early egregious experiment on his part? After all many such followed though mostly he inflicted pain and discomfort on himself and Dad.
  2. 2014-07-17-17-20-32Still with two pin plugs, a few years later, in a Β dark room I went to push a plug into its socket and somehow managed to leave my thumb between the two pins as I inserted the same into the wall. I was blown back across the room, my hair frizzled and I remember tasting metal: otherwise no harm done. Other than the thrid ear that grew and was surgically removed at 12.
  3. 2014-07-17-17-22-20 I’m 12 and at scout camp. I decide to use the swimming pool and my rather aimless back-paddle takes me out of my depth whereupon I’m knocked off my stride by a proper swimmer. I don’t know how many times I went down and came up – more than 3 – before some nice man pulled me out. ‘You ok?’ I think I nodded at which point he jumped back in and left me to sort myself out. I’ve hated swimming pools ever since.
  4. 02-box-025I’m 13 and chasing the dog along a cliff path at Hordle Cliff in Hampshire and it gives way. I tumble down at Β a rate of knots, doing my three degrees of difficulty as I bounce on the chalk and end up in a shrub. I survive. I regret to say I never took much interest in the welfare of the shrub.
  5. 2014-07-17-17-18-07Bristol University and I’m walking down Park Street – if you don’t know Bristol it is basically an urban mountain. Crossing a road, in a world of my own, an Austin Allegro sends me slip-sliding across the bonnet. I walked away. The driver waited for a tow. British Engineering in the 70s had fallen a long way since Brunel.
  6. 02-box-013My bicycle and countless tumbles: once I ploughed into the back of a parked bread van, its doors open. I ended up sandwiched in many senses; another time I tried to overtake a bus on the inside when the middle doors opened and a passenger leapt out. I think he was quite cheerful as he departed the bus but by the time he ended up on the floor, with his testicles hanging from my handlebars he had lost that joie de vivre – here the accident itself wasn’t the life threatening part.
  7. photoscan-12I’m in Peru and waiting to catch the train from Puno to Cusco, across the alto plano. For reasons of crass stupidity I get off the train to take a picture. Without warning it starts to leave and I have to sprint after it and swing myself up on to the footplate oh so narrowly missing the thundering wheels.

There have probably been more, certainly moments of sheer panic as I realise I haven’t really thought through my actions. I’m better now and anyway, I still have two lives left….

About TanGental

My name is Geoff Le Pard. Once I was a lawyer; now I am a writer. I've published three books - Dead Flies and Sherry Trifle, My Father and Other Liars and Salisbury Square. In addition I published an anthology of short stories, Life, in a Grain of Sand this summer. A fourth book will be out soon. This started life as a novel in a week on this blog and will follow later this year. I blog about all sorts at geofflepard.com and welcome all comments. These are my thoughts and no one else is to blame. If you want to nab anything I post, please acknowledge where it came from.
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37 Responses to Death is a much overrated experience #nearbutnocigar

  1. Ritu says:

    Oh wow His Geoffleship!! You certainly are a feline I believe with all your near escapes!!!!!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. gordon759 says:

    Of course we are felines, where do you think our surname came from?

    Liked by 2 people

  3. Al Lane says:

    So you’ve still got one life to fritter away on folly before you have to wrap yourself in cotton wool, eat sensibly, exercise, and all that revolting malarkey

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Eileen says:

    Oh so real and so very funny, as long as it’s you and not I. We may be related………my fiasco’s are usually more humiliating than dangerous, however. Enjoyed this tremendously and love the photos.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. πŸ˜€ Oh, on the up-side I once had a cat who exhibited many more lives than nine – I’d recorded thirteen before he finally pushed it one too far ………..

    Liked by 1 person

  6. trifflepudling says:

    I think I just used up one of mine laughing at the Uni hairdo and the knitted cardy in the photo below πŸ˜‰ ! V funny article which brought back one memory too scary to think about and another which makes me giggle with humiliation and horror!

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Helen Jones says:

    Goodness! You have led a charmed life, Geoff – obviously not your time to shuffle off this mortal coil yet πŸ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

  8. willowdot21 says:

    Love them especially because only you could survive most of them! I am ashamed to say I was giggling out loud until hubby reminded me that the French hotel we are in does not have good soundproofing!! πŸ€—

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Are you related to my hubby? He has had countless escapes… Hope both you and he have more than nine lives or you’ll be in trouble! I haven’t counted his scrapes yet… But I suspect he better watch out. I’ve done the nearly walk in front of a bus one… That wasn’t nice. Dreaming is hazardous….

    Liked by 1 person

  10. Oh my goodness. I better not serve you a slice of my feather boa cake, then? In fact, I better not cook you anything.

    Liked by 1 person

  11. Norah says:

    Thank goodness you survived, Geoff! What would we do without your stories. I think there probably are countless other times. We are only a hairbreadth away from death and destruction at any moment. Now isn’t that a cheerful thought! πŸ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

  12. That cliff path has probably all tumbled by now

    Liked by 1 person

  13. Rachel M says:

    Wow! I thought I was accident-prone but you win. Electrocuting yourself not once but twice….that’s just carelessness (as Oscar Wilde would say)

    Liked by 1 person

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