The Devil Take The Hindmost #writephoto #prompt

Sue Vincent’s latest #writephoto prompt is this

image

The Devil’s Own
‘New boy?’
‘Been down a year.’
‘Done well then, getting a posting like this. Wadya do? Serial killer?’
‘Sort of. The Weetabix Murders?’
‘Ah The Cereal Killer. That explains it. So did they say what we do here, umm… What’s the new name?’
‘Gloom.’
‘I’m Macabre.’
‘Better that Gloom. I’ve always had a happy disposition.’
‘Not exactly a winner in this place. Luci isn’t partial to smiles.’
‘Luci?’
‘The boss. Term of affection though not to his faces.’
‘So what do we do?’
‘Easy in theory. We stop people – well anything really – leaving by the back gate.’
‘Why don’t you lock it?’
‘It just takes a couple of trolls wanting to pop out for a swift magnum of beer and it’s another large bill. Luci hates spending money. Not like Him up there what with his trust funds and those golden harps he can pawn.’
‘How do you stop trolls?’
‘You reason with them. Just get them thinking and all their vital functions shut down and they fall asleep. After that you use their phone to call an Uber and they’ll wake up, see what they’ve spent on a cab home, assume they must have had a great time and forgot about it.’
‘Ubers come here?’
‘They’ll go anywhere for a fare, that lot.’
‘They the worst then, trolls?’
‘Noooo. There’s banshees. Always in a huge cloud. Like liquid bats that lot. Luci doesn’t mind them doing a bit of scaring but…’
‘But?’
‘They like to dress up a bit. A banshee in spandex and a frou-frou doesn’t cut it in the shit-scary stakes.’
‘And you stop them how?’
‘Tell ’em you fancy a kiss. They know they’ve been rumbled. Though one did give me a peck on the cheek once.’
‘Is that why it’s missing?’
‘My fault really.’
‘So they’re the worst?’
‘No there’s loads worse than banshees.’
‘What’s the worst then’
‘Hen parties. Utterly resilient to reason, charm, abuse, napalm, all know alcoholic substances and shame.’
‘How do you stop a hen party?’
‘You tell me, mate. We just enter it as the Hounds of Hell are out and hope Luci is in a forgiving mood.’

About TanGental

My name is Geoff Le Pard. Once I was a lawyer; now I am a writer. I've published three books - Dead Flies and Sherry Trifle, My Father and Other Liars and Salisbury Square. In addition I published an anthology of short stories, Life, in a Grain of Sand this summer. A fourth book will be out soon. This started life as a novel in a week on this blog and will follow later this year. I blog about all sorts at geofflepard.com and welcome all comments. These are my thoughts and no one else is to blame. If you want to nab anything I post, please acknowledge where it came from.
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23 Responses to The Devil Take The Hindmost #writephoto #prompt

  1. noelleg44 says:

    Geoff, this is so tongue in cheek funny, in the Terry Pratchett mode! You are one of the most clever writers I know – great take on that photo prompt.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Ha! I got a kick out of the pawning of golden harps… but you slayed me with the hen parties. Great use of that prompt, Geoff. Hugs.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Stop a hen party ? As if ! ☺

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Charli Mills says:

    Ha, ha! Luci! This exchange cracked me up most:
    ‘Ubers come here?’
    ‘They’ll go anywhere for a fare, that lot.’

    Liked by 1 person

  5. My favourite: the trolls who fall asleep when they have to think ………. Very clever all round sir!!

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Michael says:

    Great fun Geoff, enjoyed your take very much.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Grandtrines says:

    Reblogged this on Still Another Photoblog.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Norah says:

    Hilarious, as usual, Geoff. You are the master. No,sorry, that’s Luci. I’m rather fond of Weetbix. I won’t have any cereal killers around here! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Pingback: Photo prompt round-up – Gate – #writephoto | Sue Vincent – Daily Echo

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